Page 2 of Madame Mayhem
“I watched him go down. We were about to walk the boardwalk and get some ice-cream. I was holding his hand.Fuck!” I break, sobbing hysterically. I want to keep it together. Tell him the story, but I can’t. I’m tearing apart on the inside. It’s hurting so badly I don’t think I can keep my chest from pounding. I clutch it as if trying to draw back the broken fragments of it back together.
“It’s okay, baby. Keep going. Let it out. I’m here. It’s you and me all the way.” Slash is treating me with kid gloves, but it’s going to hurt no matter which way I slice the story. It’s years of my life that will have forever changed everything about me. I dip my head. Sometimes I think about what might have been if I wasn’t so stubborn that day.
“We didn’t even get to cross the road. We didn’t make it Slash. His blood was all over my clothes… all the bikes. All the noise. I couldn’t see straight. All the gunshots. They were so fucking loud. I kept ducking and trying to figure out where all the bullets were flying from. I saw him, though. I saw Bull. The barrel of the gun. He had this deranged look on his face. These glassy eyes. I’ll never forget it. The fucker knew exactly what he was doing. I’ve had to be calm around this sick fucker, knowing it was him who killed my father all along.”
Slash drains the rest of his beer, and mine is already gone. As I thought it didn’t take the edge off a single thing.
“Stay there. Let me get another beer for us.” When he leaves, so does the sunset. Dusk is sweeping over Serenity and it’s getting darker. He comes back and I barely notice him slipping the second beer into my hands. “Here.”
I take it, popping the lid, draining a third of it. “Yeah, yeah. I’ve watched him with Lily, talking shit in her ear. She’s thinking this man is for her. He’s vile, making my stomach twist. The girls have been great at supporting me, and I’ve helped them. They’ve kept me sane every day. Taught me things about being a woman that I haven’t learned. Stopped me from doing bad things or popping those pills, like when I first got here. I’ve seen his face through the Church window when he’s been talking in meetings and wanting to blow his fucking head off.” I bawl, balling up my fists while Slash rubs my back, and the twilight of Serenity shows up.
“Easy, easy.”
“Don’t tell me to take it fucking easy, Slash. Don’t you fucking dare tell me to take it easy!” I warn, glaring at him with fire searing through my veins. Flashbacks of the dirty men grunting and pushing themselves through me and the other girls force their way into my mind. It’s fucking horrendous, and it’s how all the drug taking started. I look down at my fingers shaking. If I had a line of coke in front of me right now, I would be tempted to snort the whole thing.
“Alright, alright, you got it.”
“I’ve been waiting, but it’s over now. When my father died, he said something…”
“What he say?”
“Son of a bitch! You’re gonna die today.That’s what he said. His eyes were so fucking cold. I can still hear his voice like it happened yesterday. Man, the water was so pretty. All sparkly and shit. I had the whole day planned. I was telling him about my plans. He was just giddy, smiling. We were laughing together. I was so fucking happy Slash, then it all turned to shit.”I break down again, unable to hold the pain inside. His face with a crimson tide of blood seeping out the side of his head on the ground. The photo of him on the mantle is no replacement for the real man.
“Damn. Fuck Fi. I hate him.”
I’m still now. Deadly calm again. It’s a switch I’ve learned to turn on and off like a faucet, especially when ‘special’customers came in to have their way with me.
“He looked me dead in the eyes and smirked right in my face. He knows, I know, Slash. I maybe young, but I'm not naïve. I know how this works. It's a matter of time before he tries to take me out. I've caught him sizing me up, but he underestimates me. He doesn't know where I come from,” I bite my bottom lip to stop it from quivering. “He doesn’t know what I've been through, and how fucking hard I had to fight to survive. That arrogant old prick thinks he's badass. He ain't shit! I've faced straight evil, demon motherfuckers and lit them up.Fuck Bull!I've just been waiting for the right time to strike. His time to meet the maker and join those other fuckers in the pits of hell is here. It’s fucking here!” I spit and Slash draws back, but I’m so pissed I don’t care if he sees the fire. It’s going to come out anyway.
“Hey baby. I don’t want you to get so worked up about it. Take it easy. Here, have a pull of this joint. Ease your nerves a little.”
I take my bottle and throw it down over the cliff, watching it hit rocks and hurtle down further. It’s how I want to crush Bull’s skull. I want to see it rebound off rocks and smash like a watermelon.
“How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t fucking tell me to calm down, Slash! I told you to stop fucking saying that.” I get up, dusting myself off, and he scrambles to stand up with me.
“Fi, come on.” He tries to cajole me, but I shake him off. “I don’t want to see you using up all your energy on this fucker. That’s all. Take it easy. I mean- whoa, whoa I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I thought you understood, but I really don’t think you do. Slash, you were in prison. You oughta get some parts of what I’m saying, but you don’t know fucking all. You don’t know shit either about what I’ve been through.” I point my finger into his chest, and he takes it down, wrapping me up in his arms. I want to keep my arms by my side, but I can’t. He’s fire like me. I suck in a deep breath, hating that I cry. Hating that those men broke me. Hating that day at the mall. That ugly ass day…
Slash is rocking with me as the tears keep rolling with their brigade. I try to fight him, but he just keeps on holding on. Eventually, I surrender as the Serenity’s night lights turn on. People are arriving now, probably to have sex under the stars in their cars, but I’m like some fucking wolf howling at the moon for her father to come back from the dead.
He ain’t coming back. “Fi, I got you. I keep telling you that. It’s whatever you wanna do. It’s whatever you wanna do babe,” he repeats. “I got your back.”
Chapter Two: Twin Bullets
Slash
I believe every word Fi told me. I wanna take all her pain, my pain, and throw it somewhere over that Serenity cliff, but we both carry it, and it sucks big hairy balls. I’m trying to forget about it, but what Fi told me disturbed me to my core. I tossed and turned last night waking up in sweats. I can’t imagine how she functions in life with all she’s gone through. I can forgive the lash out. It’s nothing compared to what she’s been through. I hear her whimper in her sleep some nights, and she wakes up with bugged out eyes. That’s how I know one of those dirty perverted bastards has touched her in her dreams. I hope every single one of them is rotting somewhere in a ditch, but likely they’ve gone on and are living their lives just fine.
Hence why I need a fucking morning joint. Psych and I are chilling outside, talking shit while the sun rises up east.
“Yo man, you alright?”
“I’m making it. Shit night’s sleep that’s all. Heavy talk with Fi, bullshit… Don’t worry about it. It’s all cool.”
I pull out my joint, licking the paper and lighting the sucker up. Psych’s already smoking. I need something to still my jumpy nerves. I’m done with the heavy drugs - coke and the pills. Now I just sell ‘em and get ‘em where they need to go.
“That’s good. That’s good. How’s your girl?”