Page 33 of Imbalanced Minds

Chapter Eighteen

Iris

Waking up in bed seems somehow different. It’s in this moment I realise how good Cory is for me. Okay, okay—how good he is to me. Last night was amazing. I’ve never experienced that volume of fulfilment. Nor have I felt such assurance. Being equals in this equation, Cory has given me the empowerment I never knew I could have. He’s shown me in one night that I’m in control of my actions and no one else.

I lay here wondering how things changed so quickly then stop as I realise, I actually don’t want to know the answer. Until now, I didn’t know what a normal relationship was—if there is such a thing—but I do know this sensation in me is new and raw; unlike any crush.

I’m not sure what to make of it. If I should explore it or let it be. Maybe I should wait and see if it’s just because I had one of the most intense orgasms of my life or if it’s because Cory is still here, lying next to me and hasn’t bolted after making our relationship official.

It may have been overnight, but it’s as if I’ve found a new me.

One I like and will continue to admire.

One I will fight to keep.

I determine right now that no matter what happens, no matter what changes, I’m going to love this new me and I’m going to relish in her newfound beauty. As of right now, I decide to say goodbye to the old Iris once and for all. Everyone gets a second chance no matter what their ordeal.

I’m handing myself my second chance because I’m worthy.

I’m worthy of self-love and I’m worthy of being loved.

It’s quite ironic if you think about it. Attack victim finding her peace after a hell of a traumatic experience; especially having broken up with the one who turns out to be your attacker because he was controlling, and you couldn’t see it right away.

Now look at me. I’m happy, content and willing to just let it all go.

To just be.

I’ve never been this calm before. I welcome it with open arms and while doing so catch myself smiling. Now that’s something; putting on a ruse is easy, fake it until you make it should be my mantra. I feel the shoe fits. Being serious here, I’ve not smiled with so much sincerity and meant it in a very, very long time. I guess I’m not the only one who’s noticed either.

“Angel, you’re so beautiful when you do that,” Cory hums.

I’ve been so wrapped up in my head I never realised he had woken up. I take a moment to admire this version of Cory. The one with dark tousled hair, hazy eyes and a devilish grin. Of all the time he’s been in my bed, I’ve been too absorbed in my own cloud to properly take him in.

I take a moment to admire his sculpted arms and naked chest, coming to realise the sheet is barely covering either of our nakedness.

Quickly snapping out of my reverie I find the courage to speak. “Morning,” I say shyly, knowing I’ve been caught ogling him and trying to stealthily cover myself up in the process.

“Baby girl, you have no idea how gorgeous you are, do you?” he says with worry, almost like it offends him that I don’t know my own self-worth.

Looking in his eyes, and I mean really looking, I can see so much desire and I wonder why it’s all for me. Regardless of my previous thoughts, I can’t help blurting my new thoughts aloud. “Why am I so appealing to you? What makes me stand out and so significant that you’re here now trying to make us work when you could have someone unbroken, someone who’s not going to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed one day and the next spiralling down the dark rabbit hole?”

Cory keeps looking at me with an intense stare and I can’t help being drawn to him which scares me a little. How can he command my attention the way he does so effortlessly?

“Listen, Iris, no matter what you think of me because of what I did to you, I promise at the time I thought I did it for the right reasons. Now I can see I was wrong. When I first met you, I was drawn to your beautiful eyes, your shy smile and the way you reacted to me, and now I’m drawn to not only that but your amazing personality, kind heart and selflessness toward others. Having Justin in my head for so long definitely didn’t help matters and I shouldn’t have let his warnings get to me the way they did. The way I felt about you scared me so much and by the time I’d had the courage to consider doing anything about it, things had changed. You’d started showing interest in other boys, then you met… well, we don’t need to bring that up.

“I can see how the past has affected you emotionally, but I’m not like him. I would never try to change you for anything in the world. I see you, and I know you’re a fractured soul. After that night I shut you out, I watched you shatter from afar. I hated that I was the one to do that to you, to break the final piece of you and God help me, I will work so hard at piecing you back together to help you find yourself again. I’m here, I’m real and I’m not scaring away any time soon, Angel.”

The more Cory opens up to me, the more I’m beginning to understand why he went to those lengths to keep me out of reach, even though I still disagree with his logic.

This newfound significance envelopes me again. The more I look into Cory’s eyes the more I embrace how my future may look.

My home.

“What’s that look for, sweetness?”

I lean in and kiss him. The gentle touch of our lips portraying so many unspoken words. Words I need to say but can’t yet find my voice to speak.

Pulling away, I know I’ve made the right decision. My heart has never felt this full.