Page 9 of Imbalanced Minds

“Well, because you asked so chirpily, I’m making our fav breaky as we speak.” I giggle knowing she’ll no doubt have a fit if I’m making this without her.

“Oh, you’re a nasty piece of gorgeousness, I’m on my way!” Nat says, then hangs up.

I love this girl to pieces, and she makes me laugh at her use of words sometimes. She tries so hard not to cuss, and I have to give her credit. She rarely does. Also knowing my brother is about to be ditched makes me slightly satisfied, even after his apology message.

Happily working away in the kitchen (ignoring my mess still scattered everywhere) when what only seems like a nanosecond later, I have two plates of pancakes stacked with greasy streaky bacon. As I’m about to drizzle maple syrup over top the front door bursts open with an overly exaggerated puffing Nat.

“Wow, you really broke the sound barrier this time.” I chuckle as she’s too busy with a hand on her hip keeled over catching her breath.

“I’ll have you know,” she inhales a deep breath, “I love pancakes that much.”

I laugh as I slide a plate over the island toward her, “enjoy,” is all I can say before I’m inhaling my carb-filled yumminess. No better way to avoid talking than with a mouth full of food. I may be out of bed and happy but I’m in no mood to talk about the late hours of Friday night, so we eat silenced by our meal, but it doesn’t stop the uncertainty in Nat’s stare.

Getting rid of the dishes and moving toward the lounge, I slump onto the couch. Belly full and satisfied.

“So, tell me. Why did Justie have a riled-up Cory attempt to bust up his house during the very early hours of yesterday morning? He came pounding with his fists on the door, near destroying it in his pissed off state and abusing us about life not being fair and it’s all Justin’s fault. What did you do to him Friday night Iris? I’ve never seen him like that before.” She says with concern watering her pretty brown eyes. “He was so dark. So angry. It was like he was possessed.” She starts sniffling as if scared by the memories alone.

“I did nothing, Nat, nothing. If anyone is to blame here, it’s him. He came up to me on the dance floor. He took us home and was supposed to make sure we were safe. He was the one who initiated the kiss.” A gasp is heard across from me as Nat covers her mouth, unsure whether to be excited or not; clearly not.

“I can’t believe I was so stupid to want him. Why did I have to open my mouth and push you to come out with me? What a great friend I am. I’m so sorry you were put through that; I should have stayed home like you wanted. I’m such a moron.” I sniff and attempt to beeline for my room, despite the mess. I feel her before I see her, as Nat wraps her arms around me trying to console my pathetic heart.

“Don’t be sorry bub, seriously, you weren’t to know.” Letting go of me she lets me skulk to my room where I start the thinking process all over again, yet this time I can’t help but wonder if maybe I didn’t do anything wrong at all.

Settled in my room I decide to get my journal out and try to write some thoughts down. Sometimes it helps. Other times it’s to unload so I don’t fall into a deeper depression. As I reach under my bed to grab it out, I start thinking of all the things I’d dare not speak to anyone.

I saw him for the first time since we broke up. Tyrell, I mean. He looked so dark. It scared the shit out of me. I had never really thought about what it would be like to see him again but the boy, man, I had affection for—before, you know—he’s not there at all. I got a strange vibe from this man. I may have been drinking, but I was well aware of his words. “Oh, baby. I’ve been watching you. How come you’ve been shaking that fine ass in front of me all night, yet, you haven’t noticed me in here at all. Then, when that dick comes and takes hold of what’s mine, you whore it up for him—” What’s mine. Those words don’t sit well and as I’m writing this, the bile is rising in my throat.

Until next time,

Iris x

This one I quickly rip out and do what I have with all others. Light the bitch on fire.

Once I’ve rid the evidence of my insecurities and deepest fears, I go lay in bed. Let’s face it, I live in my room when the real world gets too much and right now, I can’t deal.

I also decide to be a half-decent friend and send a message to Nat.

Me: I’m sorry babe. For everything. I know you didn’t want to ask about the mess on the floor but it’s okay. I was mad. I was hurt. I’ll explain when I’m ready. I’ll also clean it up so please leave it for me. I know you. You are too good to me. I’m going to crash. Love you xxx

I send the next one to Justin. It’s the least I can do so I don’t have him knocking down my door demanding answers for something I have no idea how to explain.

Me: I appreciate the apology, bro. We’ll catch up over coffee soon xx

Knowing that’ll be enough to keep him off my back I silent my phone, put it on charge next to my bed then snuggle into my pillow and drown myself in blankets. Once again, I’m self-wallowing and I don’t have the energy to do anything about it.

I allow myself to drift off. But it’s not long before those piercing grey eyes are looking at me. This time, they’re undressing me, and I welcome the distraction.