Page 33 of Truck Stop Tempest
Her gaze dropped to my mouth, then my chest, then snapped back up to meet my eyes. “I’m not a virgin.”
I fought not to laugh at her confession or the worried expression on her face. “Neither am I.”
“I’ve been kissed. I’ve had sex. But…” She turned her head away from me and stared at the weight rack.
“But, what?”
She swallowed. Sucked in a sharp breath. “I didn’t want to give myself to those boys. At the time, I didn’t know how to say no. Didn’t think I could say no. I did what was expected of me. I didn’t kiss them back. I just laid there, and they did their thing. And they left. And I hated everything about the act. Hated myself for letting it happen. But I thought that was what girls were supposed to do. I was raised to obey men, no matter what. I know that’s messed up. That’s part of the reason I left home. I couldn’t live like that anymore.”
I released her hand and dropped to my ass at her side. “Why are you telling me this, Tuuli?” I didn’t mean to sound harsh, but I hated hearing she’d been used that way, and part of me feared that I’d made her feel used.
“I guess I’m telling you because I like you. I think you like me, too. And I definitely like what just happened. But you see, that’s the problem. The next time I give myself to someone, I want it to be forever. And I’m afraid if I keep getting the chance to kiss you, I won’t be able to say no because unlike those boys, when you kiss me, I feel you deep down, and I want more, and part of me is afraid that I won’t be able to say no to you, but mostly, I’m afraid to say no because I don’t want you to go away. I want you to want me. I don’t want you to go away and find another girl to have sex with when I do say no.”
I finally turned to look at her. She was sitting up, legs crossed in front of her, tears rolling down her face. When our eyes met, she released a half-laugh, half-sob.
“I know. I sound crazy. I’m sorry.” She tucked her feet under her and pushed to stand. “Maybe you should take me home.”
The room lit up with a strike of lightning that seemed to hit right outside.
Tuuli crouched back down and counted, “One, two…”
Boom. The thunder cracked. The windows vibrated, and Tuuli covered her ears.
Clearly, she was terrified of lightning storms, and she was doing a shit job of hiding that fact, evident by the cheesy smile she faked before whispering, “Ooh. It’s almost right over us now. Think it’ll pass soon? It should pass soon, right?”
God damn, the girl was cute. Crazy as fuck. But cute. And I couldn’t help but pull her into my arms and hug her until the trembling stopped.
I rested my chin on her head and rubbed her back. Yes, she’d just rambled on about forever, and sex, and liking me. No, I was not ready for a conversation about relationships, or celibacy, or liking her. I was, however, content to have her in my arms, despite my blue balls. I definitely liked how her hair smelled. I would never forget the way she kissed me.
And the voices hadn’t bothered me all day.
The bothersome voice in my head told me to run. Count my losses before he could crush me because that’s what he was. A crush. He’d never be anything more. Men like Tito didn’t fall in love with girls like me. Men like Tito fell in love with women who graced covers of magazines. Women who knew how to kiss back, how to satisfy a man’s needs. I hated that little voice. But I couldn’t deny that, for once, she was right. I wasn’t a child, but I wasn’t woman enough for Tito.
And besides, having sex meant he would see me naked. Meaning he would see the ugly reminders of my family ties. Then he would know who I was. What I was.
Lightning struck again, and before I could count to one, thunder followed. I summoned my inner beast, but she seemed to be more terrified of the storm than I was, and I shivered again, even in the safe space against his chest.
Maybe there was no beast. Maybe Tito had only made her up to make me feel better. He always seemed to say the right things.
Until he said, “We can make a run for the car. I can take you home if you’re ready.”
Definitely not the right thing to say. Me, outside with the elements? I’d rather be dipped in blood and locked in a lion’s den.
“No.” Reluctantly, I pulled free of his arms. “Not in the storm. It can’t be safe to drive. Let’s do something else. Let’s talk.”
“We’ve been talking all day,” he said, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. He dipped his chin and raised his eyes to mine. “I haven’t talked this much in months.”
“Why?” I asked, pushing, breaching the unspoken agreement we had not to pry. He had, in a sense, given me an opening.
I waited out the long pause, studying his broad shoulders, his thick neck, the tick in his jaw.
His mouth dropped open. Then slammed shut. “Never mind.”
“All right then,” I searched the room for something, anything, to keep him from taking me outside, even though the car was only a few feet from the front door.
I walked over to one of the heavy bags hanging from the ceiling and gave it a shove. It barely moved. “You know how to use these?”
Tito chuckled behind me. His voice drew closer as he said, “Yeah. I know how.”