Page 27 of Duke, Actually
Dani:Come on. I need some advice. You invited me to let you know if you could ever be of service—don’t make a dirty joke here.
Max:I wouldn’t dream of it.
Dani:So? Which app?
Max:I don’t use apps much, but I’m on Raya.
Dani:Never heard of it.
Max:It’s like Tinder for horrible people.
Dani:Tinder for horrible people?
Max:Tinder for rich people. Same difference.
Max:Or perhaps it’s more accurately described as Tinder for famous people. You have to get approved by a committee to become a member. The idea is we all have to be discreet, I suppose? Mutually assured destruction?
Dani:That is no help to me since I am neither rich nor famous.
Max:You’re also not horrible.
Max:What seems to be the problem?
Dani:I want to find someone to have sex with, and I don’t know how to do it.
Max:Well, Daniela, when a man and a woman love each other very much and lie in a close embrace...
Dani:Oh shut up.
Max:If only you’d had this problem two weeks ago, I could have been of assistance.
Dani:I said no dirty jokes. And no you couldn’t.
Max:You’re overthinking this. The world is full of men who will gladly have sex with you.
Dani:I know that. I mean, if Vince can get people to have sex with him, why can’t I?
Max:That’s the spirit. There are probably dozens of them on your block alone.
Dani:But how do I find them? How do I find one? I only need one. But I need him to be not gross.
Max:That part might be harder. Also, it’s Christmas Eve.
Dani:People can’t have sex on Christmas Eve?
Max:No, but aren’t you supposed to be making those Mexican dessert things and packing up your cheater fruitcake and so on?
Dani:Are you trying to talk me out of getting on Tinder?
Max:Good lord, no. I would never do that.
Dani:What are you doing right now?
Max:I’m at the palace for Christmas. I was having a late lunch with my parents and brother, but I excused myself to take a very important phone call.
Dani:Okay, well, I’ll let you go.
Max:Please don’t. Then I’ll have to go back to tortellini and torture.