Page 27 of Duke, Actually

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Page 27 of Duke, Actually

Dani:Come on. I need some advice. You invited me to let you know if you could ever be of service—don’t make a dirty joke here.

Max:I wouldn’t dream of it.

Dani:So? Which app?

Max:I don’t use apps much, but I’m on Raya.

Dani:Never heard of it.

Max:It’s like Tinder for horrible people.

Dani:Tinder for horrible people?

Max:Tinder for rich people. Same difference.

Max:Or perhaps it’s more accurately described as Tinder for famous people. You have to get approved by a committee to become a member. The idea is we all have to be discreet, I suppose? Mutually assured destruction?

Dani:That is no help to me since I am neither rich nor famous.

Max:You’re also not horrible.

Max:What seems to be the problem?

Dani:I want to find someone to have sex with, and I don’t know how to do it.

Max:Well, Daniela, when a man and a woman love each other very much and lie in a close embrace...

Dani:Oh shut up.

Max:If only you’d had this problem two weeks ago, I could have been of assistance.

Dani:I said no dirty jokes. And no you couldn’t.

Max:You’re overthinking this. The world is full of men who will gladly have sex with you.

Dani:I know that. I mean, if Vince can get people to have sex with him, why can’t I?

Max:That’s the spirit. There are probably dozens of them on your block alone.

Dani:But how do I find them? How do I find one? I only need one. But I need him to be not gross.

Max:That part might be harder. Also, it’s Christmas Eve.

Dani:People can’t have sex on Christmas Eve?

Max:No, but aren’t you supposed to be making those Mexican dessert things and packing up your cheater fruitcake and so on?

Dani:Are you trying to talk me out of getting on Tinder?

Max:Good lord, no. I would never do that.

Dani:What are you doing right now?

Max:I’m at the palace for Christmas. I was having a late lunch with my parents and brother, but I excused myself to take a very important phone call.

Dani:Okay, well, I’ll let you go.

Max:Please don’t. Then I’ll have to go back to tortellini and torture.




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