Page 83 of Your Sweetness

JO

Lucas textedlast night that he made it to Seattle. I had to work most of the weekend, but we’d spent the nights together. Sleeping, but no sex since the island. He didn’t push, and I couldn’t, knowing it might be the last time. He’d see in my face how much I loved him, and I wasn’t sure I wanted him to know that anymore. I wasn’t sure whatin his lifewould look like now, and I had to protect myself if that was possible.

He said he was coming back in two weeks, and he wanted to see me. The thought made me hope before I could stop it.

Lucas:Hey Sweetness. I’m thinking about that time I was buried inside you against one of the windows. I’m looking at it now, and I swear there is a little smudge in the shape of your ass. I told my housekeeper not to clean it. I miss you.

Me:I can never meet your housekeeper. [blushing emoji]

Me:How’s the job? Everything you imagined?

Lucas:Yeah, I have more control over projects, and I get to choose my team. It’s what I said I wanted.

Me:Awesome. Now go get ’em, Hot Shot.

Me:Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a few days. Your mom said you were in New York. Hope to talk soon.

Lucas:I’m back from NY. This project. Every time I think I have it under control, something else explodes.

Me:You got this. Goooo Lucas! See I would have been a great cheerleader.

Lucas:Those dipshits didn’t deserve your cheers. I like you cheering for me.

I loved talking to him,… and I didn’t. I fucking missed him. I tried to keep our phone conversations and texts short, afraid that I would beg him to come back. I couldn’t do that. He had his life, and I had mine, and we needed to get on with it.

He couldn’t come back for the weekend like he’d planned. Instead, he was off to Amsterdam for two weeks. Something with the European Union privacy regulations. I tried to follow when he told me about it, but it was hard to hear over the sounds of my breaking heart.

Fortunately, my neighbor Ed was kind and up for a chat when he wasn’t fishing. He’d often shared his catch with me, not just when I took some of his crab to teach Lucas to make crab cakes. I’d always returned the favor with a few pre-prepped meals I’d made in Lucas’s spectacular kitchen. I didn’t have Lucas or the kitchen, but I could still cook, and Ed was appreciative. It was the bright spot in my Lucas-free days.

Two days after Lucas left for Europe, Emily said she wanted to cheer me up and asked me out for a drink. We were meeting ReeAnn at The Boathouse, and I was wearing my best painted-on smile.

“Hey Emily. Hey Jo. I’ll leave you ladies to it,” Jake said as he stepped off the barstool next to ReeAnn and leaned in for a quick kiss before heading toward the back of the restaurant to the office.

“You okay, Ree?” Emily said.

“Sure. Fine.” She didn’t sound fine.

“It’s nothing.” She lowered her voice while Emily took the seat, and I squished closer to them both. “Earlier, Jake was sitting here, touching my leg, leaning in, kissing me a few times like always. When Jake went to the restroom a few minutes ago, one of those White guys over there with the popped collars and fancy watches tried to take Jake’s stool. Didn’t even ask me if it was taken. When I said something, he apologized and said he didn’t realize we were together.”

Her perfectly shaped brows pulled together. “In my head, I was like, he thinks I’m gonna come into this bar and let some stranger touch me and kiss me, and then when he leaves, I’m just gonna sit here and wait for the next one? He didn’t think we weretogether?”

ReeAnn shook her head. “It rubbed me wrong.”

“Maybe he’s too stupid and self-absorbed to pay attention,” Emily said. “Jake obviously adores you.”

“Anybody ever make a mistake like that with you?” ReeAnn asked Emily with no judgment in her tone.

“No,” Emily said.

ReeAnn looked at me.

“No,” I said.

ReeAnn relaxed her shoulders. “Maybe it was an innocent mistake, but it didn’t feel that way.”

“Did you tell Jake?” Emily asked.

“No, and don’t. Jake would throw him and his crew out for disrespecting me. Our relationship’s not about that. And he can’t throw everyone out of this bar who has a problem with Black people or mixed-race couples.”