Page 39 of Blood in the Water

She shook her head. “You? No, this is my fault. That’s what I’m trying to say.”

She waited in the silence, knowing it meant he was choosing his words, preparing to make the effort it would take to get them out.

“It’s not your… fault,” he said. “I got sick. It’s not fair to you… not fair to Mom and Dad.”

She reached up to hold his hand. “None of this is your fault. It’s just a shitty thing that happened, and like most shitty things that happen, it’s nobody’s fault.” She paused, let her eyes drift out over the water. “Are you scared?”

It was a question she should have asked ages ago.

“Sometimes.” There was a long pause. “I don’t want to suffer.”

Fear coursed through her body. They were dangerously close to the conversation she’d been avoiding, the one whereOwen told her that he wanted to choose the time and method of his death, that he wanted to go peacefully at the serene facility in Switzerland depicted on the Dignitas brochure.

She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t go there. Not yet.

Coward…

The voice whispered urgently in her ear, but all she could do was accept it.

She was a coward.

“We won’t let that happen,” she said.

The truth of it sank through her panic at the thought of Owen dying. She wasn’t ready to have the conversation about Dignitas. She didn’t know what her intervention would look like or how she would reconcile it. But she wouldn’t let her brother suffer needlessly.

She felt the gentle pressure of his hand squeezing hers and hoped he understood.

“I’m glad Nolan… is back,” Owen said.

She exhaled, relieved to be back on safer ground, not oblivious to the fact that Nolan, a subject she would have avoided with her family at all costs just a few weeks ago, had somehow become the safest of all available ground.

“I’m glad too,” she said.

“He’ll take care of you,” Owen said slowly.

“I think he might need someone to take care of him.”

“Then you should… do that. He’s a good guy.”

She wished things were different. Wished she could tell Owen what had happened with Nolan’s mother, wished she could tell him about the secret that still sat between her and Nolan.

But it would be a knife to Owen’s heart to think she’d ended her relationship with Nolan because her parents had needed money for Owen’s care. She couldn’t do that to him.

“He’s the best,” she said.

“Be nice to him,” Owen said. “Maybe he’ll… let me stay here and keep Maurice.”

Bridget laughed, happiness bubbling up into her throat. This was the Owen she remembered: her brother, her confidant, always making her laugh. He was still in there.

She stood and brushed the sand off her pants. The sun was setting, the light changing from blue-white to gray.

“I’m happy to pimp myself out for your comfort, bro,” she said, positioning herself behind his wheelchair.

“Do you… think there are sharks out there?” he asked, his eyes on the water as she turned the wheelchair toward the house.

“Without a doubt,” she said. “Good thing you’re bubble boy now. The great whites would make a quick meal out of you. You can’t even swim.”

She was wondering if she’d gone too far when laughter erupted from his throat. “You’re such… a bitch.”