Page 63 of The Iron Earl

“Did the family truly partake in smuggling?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. But it is prevalent in the land these days. People have been squeezed out of their homes, their farming land, so they make rent any way they can. A smuggler coming by asking for space to store goods can be hope for some families—can get them by for another year, maybe more. But there’s no way to prove or disprove the barrels were there, as the fire burned hot and fast—everything in all of the buildings.” He took a deep breath as the fury threatened to overtake him again and exhaled it in a long sigh. “And I was too damn late.”

“Late for what?”

“Too late to help. To save Jacob. To save Sloane and Torrie from the scars of the fire. To save anyone. I got there just as the house collapsed on Jacob. Too late.”

“Lachlan—”

“No—there is no other truth than that. I was too late to save my brother. Just as I was too late to save my parents.”

Her head shifted on his shoulder, her look intent on him. “Save your parents? But I thought they died of consumption.”

Lachlan shrugged and it jostled her head. “I was six and the doctor had sent me out with a maid to collect herbs to make a concoction to help them. I had already been sick and was healing. We were out searching for hours in the cold. When we got back, they were both dead. I was too late.”

Evalyn gasped. “Then there was no way that herbs could have helped them.”

“No. But I was six. I thought I failed them. I thought I killed them for a long time. Jacob tried to convince me it wasn’t my fault, but I didn’t believe him for years.”

Her hand lifted to curl about his neck as tears swelled in her eyes.

“I know now, looking back upon it, the doctor thought he was being kind. He just wanted me out of the castle, not witnessing their last breaths. But he took that away from me. I didn’t get to say goodbye. That haunted me more than anything and it was the day anger took seed in me.”

He shook his head, sucking in a heavy inhale. “I felt the same when I rode toward the fire. That I would be too late. And I was.”

Evalyn nodded, her bottom lip jutting up against a quiver. “I understand now the anger you walked into the room with—or at least I think I do. This is a horrible injustice.”

His arm tightened around the gentle curve of her back. He’d braced himself against the anger that he should be feeling in that very moment, talking about Jacob’s murder, but it didn’t manifest. Didn’t overwhelm like it did every time he thought of his brother’s end.

Her fingers started swirling slow rings along his chest again. Minutes passed in silence before her soft voice cut into the bedroom air. “I didn’t know that about your parents, about your brother. This—who you are around your men—being the leader of the Vinehill estate appears so natural for you.”

“Something Domnall didn’t tell you about me?”

She chuckled. “Domnall kept me well entertained when no one else would dare to even glance my direction, much less speak to me.”

“He has a mouth, that one. And no—it’s not natural to me. None of this is natural. I should be out on a field loading a rifle or swinging a sword at this moment. That is what I know. Not this. Not the running of an estate.”

She nodded, her cheek brushing along his shoulder. “It is hard to live up to what others want of you—I’ve been chasing my mother’s ghost for more than fifteen years.”

“Why?”

“I have always been terribly shy. The one thing my mother used to tell me before she died was that I needed to find my voice—the voice I have in the heart of my soul. It made sense to her—she was an adult. But to me, it never did.”

“And now?” His fingers entwined in her hair, curling a lock between his fore and middle finger.

“I think I’m finding it. What she wanted for me. She wanted me to escape my stepfather. She knew what was ahead for me with him. And the only way I could escape was to find my voice.” She shifted her face upward, seeking out his eyes as a smile danced about her lips. “And to find someone who would listen to it.”

“You were rather convincing in the gardens at Wolfbridge.”

“I needed to be. And for once, I was right with my gamble.”

“I was a gamble?”

“Or a last hope.” Her head bowed, her lips going to his chest to kiss his skin. “Thank you for listening to me.”

“I am beginning to see the merits in bringing home extra luggage.”

She laughed, nipping at his skin with the tips of her teeth, and then she settled her fist onto his chest to support her chin as she looked at him. “Why did you lock me away in this room today?”