Page 60 of Dangerous Exile

Her lips parted, but she had no words. No words for this. No words to make this better. To soothe the pain.

His eyes slowly shifted up to her from the fire. “Dammit, this is why I froze. This is why I’m not fit to protect you, Ness. Not fit for anything but death and disaster.”

{ Chapter 21 }

“Not fit to protect…” Her head shook, her forehead wrinkling against the worry that had lined her face. “What are you talking about, Talen?”

Immersed deep in a pit of darkness and suddenly, there was Ness, in the light, bringing him back to reality. Back to the present.

He blinked hard, his stare finally able to focus on her. On the terror on her face.

Blast, where were they? A coaching inn? How had they gotten there? Where were his clothes, his boots?

He blinked again, the one revelation he’d forged in that well of blackness hammered into his brain, unable to let go of him. “Death follows me, Ness. Death. Destruction. You need to get away. Get away from me now.”

“What? No.” Her head flew back and forth. “No. I don’t need to get away. You’re not death, Talen. You’re the farthest thing from it.”

“I froze, Ness. I froze.” He sucked in a breath that only partially made its way down his tight throat. “I freeze and I fail. I am death. Death for sure, for you.”

She stilled in front of him and Talen could see her slipping, slipping away from him. Whether she wanted to or not, she was recoiling.

Her arms drew inward across her body, her right arm cradling the bandage wrapped along her left arm. She wore only her shift. What had happened to her clothes?

Her eyes wide orbs, she stared at him. “You froze? When?”

“The brothel that burned down—the one Juliet saved me from.”

“The Selkie South Brothel?”

“Yes.” He nodded, his look dropping to the fire just beyond her skirts, not able to keep the long-held shame from his voice. “There was a reason it was set aflame. I had taken over the house, adding to it a cadre of women enticed over from a brothel across the river. I told you of them. All wanted to join my house, it was clean, they would be paid well, and I’d hired Juliet to see to all of that and she did an admirable job of making sure every girl wanted to be there and was content.”

His voice became wooden, hollow to his own ears. “But I needed a shining star, a woman men would clamor to see, to be with. So I stole one. Layla Hodwell. A beauty. Charming. Men would extol on her theatrics in the bed all about town. She was the shining star I needed, but she was also the property ofFilmore Bloodwater, a wretched, toothless cur. I convinced Layla to come to my house, paid off her debt to Bloodwater, and told her she would be safe with me. I would protect her. Except I didn’t. I couldn’t. A month after she came to the brothel, Bloodwater came for her. He got to her in the Selkie South when I wasn’t there. By the time I’d arrived, rushed into her room, Bloodwater and two of his cutthroats had already severely beaten her.”

Ness’s fingers lifted, pressing against her mouth.

“I could have saved her. I had the brawn, the skill. But I didn’t save her. I froze. I had a split second to act when I walked into that room and I didn’t—couldn’t do it. I saw her face, the brutality of what he’d done to her, and my body locked up upon itself. I couldn’t move my arms, my legs. I froze and I couldn’t control it.”

“Talen—”

“I failed her. I told her I would protect her from Bloodwater—swore it—but I didn’t. And I never knew why I froze like I did. It had never happened before. But it makes sense now—her face…her face was what happened. The blood, the pus, how she could only see out of one eye.”

His words choked, he had to pause, running a hand over his eyes, as though bitter hope promised he could erase the past with just one swipe. “It was the same thing I felt when I first saw you. I froze then, too, when you stumbled into the room. You didn’t see it, didn’t know it, but I froze. I froze because you and Layla looked just as my mother did at the end—face crushed, one eye open, staring at me.”

He swallowed hard, his voice catching. “I froze that day and Bloodwater’s men jumped on me before I could recover. I’m deadly because I’m fast and that day…that day I was nothing. They beat me into unconsciousness. Juliet pulled me from that building—saved me, saved all the girls, but Layla…”

His head shook as his fingers curled into fists. “They took her away and I never saw her again. Never heard of her. No one did. She was just gone. Dead.”

“But you didn’t kill her.”

“I did just as much as if I’d slipped a blade into her gut.” His stare lifted to Ness, self-loathing eating away at his chest. “I was the one to convince her to come to my house. I was the one that swore to protect her. And I didn’t. After that, I swore off anything to do with whores and brothels.The women at the Alabaster come and go on their own accord. We have rooms available if the man wants to pay for it—and my men oftentimes have to step in when there’s danger to a woman from men that are out of control on our property. But I will never be the cause of another woman dead because of me.”

“Talen…”

“It’s why you need to get away from me, Ness.” His legs suddenly useless, unable to hold him, he wanted to sink back down to the chair. But Ness needed to hear this, understand it, and she only would if he was looking down at her. His lips pulled into a terse line. “I am death. I can’t be trusted to protect anyone, especially you.”

“Except you aren’t death and I’m not going anywhere.” She didn’t even blink at his words.

His head cocked to the side, his voice low. “Ness—”