Page 84 of Dangerous Exile
“It is.” He closed the door behind him, dodging around the plump pink damasked chair that had been shifted away from the fireplace when the copper tub had been moved into the room. The deep circles under his eyes didn’t escape her notice. He looked exhausted by what had happened that day.
“I wish I had come.” She twisted the washcloth in her hands. “Seen that witch dragged into that place.”
Talen pulled off histailcoat and waistcoat,tossing them onto the chair, then wedged off his boots. Standing straight, he rolled up the sleeves of his lawn shirt as he walked across the rest of the room and bent down behind her, resting on his heels.
He leaned over the edge of the copper tub and set his lips to her wet neck as he reached around her and plucked the washcloth from her fingers. “One, I’m never letting you near another one of those monstrosities for as long as we live. And two, I did it myself, dragged her into the asylum, so my mind and your mind can be assured it is truly done. Clayborne signed all the paperwork.”
She involuntarily shuddered, the mere thought of a madhouse still striking innate fear deep in her gut.
But Talen knew what she needed, and the last thing she needed was to be delivering the dowager tothe Devlon Asylum for the Insane. Though he’d always been like that. Always known, since the moment she showed up at his doorstep, what she needed.
“How is your arm?” she asked. The bullet from the dowager’s pistol had gone clean through his upper arm. The wound had been cleaned and wrapped, but she knew it still must sting.
“It is nothing.” His fingertips prodded her to lean forward in the tub and he dragged the washcloth against her back, sending ripples of pleasure up her spine.
As much as she wanted to revel in his hands moving over her wet skin, worry made her glance over her shoulder at him. “You are at peace with the fact that the dowager is in that place and not with a noose around her neck for all she has done?”
His knuckles that had been lazily tracing upward along the bumps of her spine stilled. “Her fate in that place will be torture for her mind, day in and out, so am I at peace with it?” He shrugged. “I am coming to that point.”
He fell silent as he collected her hair, twisted it, and draped it forward over her shoulder. The only sounds in the room were droplets dripping from the cloth into the water as he washed the expanse of her back.
“I’m sorry.”
Sorry? The worry balling in her gut intensified. Ness shifted in the water, half turning so she could fully see his face. “Sorry for what?”
“Sorry that I didn’t see the dowager for what she was. Sorry I didn’t remember her or my uncles or that time all together—if I had, I could have stopped her. If I had, you wouldn’t have been in danger.”
“Except I’m not in danger from her. You saved me. You protected me when I most needed it. I saw how you froze in that cottage. Saw the horror of the past reach out and take a hold of you.” She reached up, pressing her palm along his cheek. “But you fought your way through it. You fought to me. You swore you would keep me safe, and you did. I think this proves you are not death, Talen. That I wasn’t wrong when I trusted you with my life.”
His light blue eyes seared into her, searching for salvation. “Was it enough?”
“I am here, naked in front of you. Unharmed.” A soft smile lifted the corners of her lips as her left arm, unwrapped and whole, lifted up from the water. “Healed. I think it was more than enough.”
His eyes closed for a long breath and she could see the demons still swirling in his head. See how lost and scattered he still was when all she wanted was for him to fight his way back to her. Towantto fight his way back to her.
But maybe she wasn’t enough. Maybe she’d ruined everything. Maybe the past and what he’d suffered would always haunt him, shadowing everything she could offer him.
Her hand on his cheek lifted, her thumb brushing along the edge of his eye. “I never got to tell you last night—and I should have turned around and come back into your room the moment that I left…”
Her head shook, fear taking a hold of her, and her hand slipped from his face. Maybe he’d reconsidered everything they were together. Everything she wanted with him. But if she didn’t tell him everything now, she would be giving up without a fight.
And that’s not who she was anymore.
Her look dipped down to the bathwater between them for a breath, then she lifted her face to him. “But I didn’t. I didn’t turn around because you’re stubborn and it makes me want to strangle you, and yet I am just as stubborn. And I was scared. Scared by what I did to you—brought upon you. All those memories.”
Her heart thundered in her chest. “So I cede. I thought I wanted something for you because it would help you, but I don’t want it if you don’t. I cede because I don’t care if you’re an earl or if you’re a fishmonger. I never did. I don’t care. I only want you. Talen Blackstone. I love you. Not who you could be. Not who you were. You. Do not doubt that.”
His head dropped forward, hanging for a long moment and avoiding her gaze.
His silence, his avoidance, stole every last bit of her resolve, her hope.
His gaze lifted to her, his light blue eyes storming. “If I find a place with you, Ness, which is where I want to be, I have to give up what I am in London. Give up what I am at the Alabaster.”
A flicker of relief shot through her chest. His hesitation wasn’t that he thought her fickle. That he thought her love depended upon his station in life. “Which is what?”
“An arse. A man with little compassion. A man with loose integrity. A man not deserving of a woman like you.”
Her throat clenched. She turned around fully in the tight tub, shifting to balance on her knees. “Talen, you don’t need to give up anything for me.”