Page 38 of His to Keep
Turning away from him, I just want to sleep and escape from all these confusing thoughts. “I don’t want to talk anymore.” And for the first time, I mean it. One minute he’s kissing me, and then he’s pushing me away. This game of tug of war is draining.
I think I hear him mutter an apology, but I don’t listen to it. I’ve already fallen asleep. And like I’ve done every night since drawing the line of friends between us, I dream of wicked things about the man that stays next to me, probably dreaming about the same things.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I’m too hot—it’s what wakes me. I’m so warm and sweaty, my dress sticks to my body like a second skin, and I wish more than anything I could dive into a pool of cold water. Why is it so hot? Isn’t it snowing outside?
Although I’m not ready to wake up, realizing I’m weighed down by something that’s on top of me makes me groggily open my eyes. A short breath releases from my lungs when I see Callum’s head on my chest, arms wrapped tightly around my waist. Even with the slight movement of rubbing the sleep from my eyes, his arms gather me even closer.
My throat dries. He’s close when he shouldn’t be. Yet, even with all the wrong, my feelings for him are so intense and heightened, my insides light up. I suddenly don’t care about the heat anymore, realizing it’s probably because of the central fire downstairs heating the bedrooms. Here we are, bodies entangled because sometime during the night, Callum had chosen to hold me. My throat swells. I want this. Why won’t he let us have it in secret? We’d be careful like we have been whenever we have stolen moments together.
My fingers stroke his hair. It’s slightly damp from the heat and has grown heaps since I’ve been here. It curls around his ears in a way that I like. Especially the times when it’s effortlessly messy. He truly is perfection. I’m all too aware of him being topless and ache to touch where I’m not allowed. With him asleep, I can’t help but take advantage.
Moving down, my finger lightly touches his neck. He moves, and I gasp when he moans, the same time pressing his face into my stomach and breathing in. “Ava, please…”
“W-What?”
“Youknowwhat. Your heart is beating so fast.” Shuddering from being wrapped up in him, his eyes are like liquid surrounded by dark, long eyelashes when he looks up. I almost lose the tiny bit of sanity I have left. But he lets go of me, frustration and embarrassment evident on his face as he sits up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hold you like that.”
“Oh.” I drop my gaze, hurt smothering me. Kicking the sheets from his legs, he sits up and scrubs a hand over his face. Leaning up on my elbow, I have to ask. “You’re asking me to stop, but I don’t knowwhatI’m meant to be stopping.”
He’s silent for a moment, mulling over my words until he gets out of bed. Instead of going into the bathroom on his own like I think he’s about to, he moves around the bed to my side, and I gasp when he picks me up in his arms and takes me with him. Kicking the door behind him, he puts me down next to the bathtub. With my heart in my throat, he turns on the shower. Reaching for the hem of my dress, he pulls it upward over my head. I’m not wearing a bra, just a pair of white panties, and he loses his breath when he glances down.
He wants to touch me, and I want him to, but he doesn’t. His fists clench at his sides instead. “I ask you to stop, but you’re right. You can’t. You’reyou, and I’m me… I’m the one who’s unable to—Ican’tstop wanting you.”
“Have me,” I whisper, leaning forward and resting my forehead against his jaw.
“No. Tell me to stop,” he begs, grabbing me again and lifting me into the tub. I gasp from the warm spray of water as it hits the skin of my back. My nipples harden, but my insides are anything but cold.
“Don’t stop.”
Taking off his pants, he leaves his boxers on and climbs in with me, moving until he’s close to me. Grabbing the shower curtain, he pulls it around us, shielding us away from everything else. The feverish shivers are back. My heart flutters in my chest as he reaches out and pushes my hair from my face, brushing his thumb against my bottom lip. He wants to kiss me. His eyes are lit with need as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against him. My breasts press against his front as I hug him back, leaning my head on his chest. Once again, it feels like we’re in our own secret world. Danger lurks just outside, but we both know it’s unlikely anybody will come to the bedroom this early.
“You’re shaking.” I’m not cold. I’m still hot. It’s the effect he has on me that’s making my body rattle.
I lift my head and rest my gaze on his face. “I’m okay.”
He presses his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. “The things I want to do to you, Ava. I think my father’s right. You are a temptress—”
“Don’t call me that,” I beg him. “I’m not.”
“But you are,” he says over the spray of the shower. “Surely, you must know what you look like. Whenever you look in the mirror, do you not see perfection staring back?”
“I’m not perfect,” I say. “And besides, haven’t you looked in the mirror and saw the same?”
“The devil can take on many forms.” Moving his head slightly, he brushes his lips against my cheek. His following words are hushed, hesitant. “I think about you when I touch myself.” I swallow hard, my face tingling from every kiss he puts on my skin. “Before you came here, it was just something I had to do—like a chore. Even from how my father described you before you came, I knew you’d be beautiful, but I wasn’t prepared for what you’d really be like. You could only walk past me, and I’d react. It only started happening after that time John took you, and you fell asleep on me. Your dress opened, and I saw you. The way you looked at me looking at you—I’d never felt anything like it.”
“I touched myself last night,” I admit, flushing.
Moving back from my ear, he stares deeply into my eyes. “You did?”
I nod, cheeks flaming. “Yes, it was after what we did in the library. But it wasn’t the same. It didn’t feel the same, so I stopped.”
Concern floods his features. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did you come?”