Page 49 of His to Keep
I nod as he forces me to keep moving. “You’re a liar. You told me nobody was screaming, or did you think I’d forget about that?”
His jaw hardens, and I get my answer.
Pushing him away, I turn to Father Aaron. “M-my Lord?” my voice quivers, still hating using that name for him. “May I go and lie down? I may have drunk too much.”
“But we’ve so much to celebrate,” Father Aaron says, and Penny glowers at me like I’m ruining everything.
“I’m sorry.” My tongue feels thick and too large in my mouth, the wine fuzzing the edges of my vision. “Please?”
With a sigh, he nods. “Fine. Go.”
Nodding but not listening, I move around a howling Maisie and rush for the stairs. Once out of view, a cry splinters my throat. Putting my hand over my mouth to smother the sound, I don’t stop until I’m in the bedroom and slamming the door behind me.
I’ve beenrobbed. I’ve experienced things with Callum, let him touch and kiss me, and he couldn’t be honest with me.
I’m to break you, Ava.
Is he happy now? He’s more than broken me.
Throwing myself onto the bed, I cry so hard my heart feels like it might burst out of my chest. All this time, I’ve been caught in a lie. Has anything between us been real? Or am I just a frustration he takes out on me like he did with Orla?
Going into the bathroom, I undress and kick the heels off. I can only guess the color change in clothing means tonight was a kind of initiation. That I’m now a faithful member of this sadistic household.
Catching my reflection in the mirror, tears streak my cheeks. White-hot anger sears my insides, so aggressive, I have the urge to lash out. And I do. Slamming my fist into the mirror, I hit it repeatedly until it cracks. I’m bleeding, a chunk of skin now missing from my knuckle.Ouch.Blood pours from it, and I feel nothing as I watch it drip into the basin.How can I feel nothing?
I’ve always been the good girl. Always friendly and polite and stupidly naïve. I never confront or argue. Always bow down and accept. Even I know the old Ava is gone. Who am I now? What has the badness changed me into?
The bedroom door opens, but I don’t move nor care that I’m standing here in just my underwear. Footsteps sound behind me. “What the fuck have you done?”
Callum. He’s taken my hand and runs my knuckles under the faucet. He’s furious and yelling at me, but I can’t hear a word he’s saying. All I can do is watch him press a towel to the cut, mopping up the blood still spilling down my hand. I look so pale in the cracks of the mirror, my large, watery eyes vacant and dead.
Ifeeldead.
Grabbing his shirt, I push him back into the wall. He isn’t expecting it, and he smacks into the tiles with an audibleoomph. Just as he’s about to ask what I’m doing, I kiss him hard. And then I pull back and slap him, the sound of it crashing in my ears. I splatter blood everywhere. On his shirt, on the tiles, and floor.
“Youlied.” He stares at me in shock, and maybe I’m shocked too. But I’m sick of feeling like this.
“I—”
“How long have you known?” He bows his head and looks at the ground. “Look at me! Look at me and tell me the truth!”
He does. “Since Christmas.”
“You’ve known since…sinceChristmas?” My voice shakes, and I can’t believe it. All this time? Grabbing the towel off him, I wrap it around my throbbing hand. “And you thought I wasn’t worthy enough of knowing?”
He runs a hand through his hair and scrunches it at the base. “You were sick, and then the punishment happened, I couldn’t, I…”
“I guess I don’t mean anything to you. Who even knows? When Maisie stays in this room, you’ll probably try getting it on with her too!”
His face twists with disgust, and I know what I said is childish and taunting, but he deserves it. “I wouldn’t go near her.”
“I don’t believe you,” I yell at him. “You’re a liar!”
“For fucks sake, Ava,” he swears at me. “Youdomean something to me. Things are different with us. I don’t know what, but they are. Theystillare, even after what I did to you—”
“Stop it. Nothing’s different. You keep everything from me. You don’t do that to people you like.”
“I keep things from you because I care about you, and I’ve hurt you enough. I told you that I don’t deserve you, and you never listened. You kept pushing. Do you think I can even touch that girl in that way? What happened with Orla was a mistake, but we aren’t a mistake. It’s not like I planned for it to happen.”