Page 43 of Courting Claudia
“Honestly, Poppy. When you look at him, am I the type of woman you’d think he’d choose?”
“Why wouldn’t you be?”
Claudia shook her head. “Don’t think of it as me—you love me, so of course you’ll say yes. Pretend I’m a girl you don’t know. Some girl across the ballroom wearing a silly dress to hide her imperfections. Am I the type of girl you’d see him with?”
“Claudia, you’re beautiful. I’m sorry you can’t see that. But I’m thrilled he can. There is no reason you should try to hide behind anything. The only reason more men don’t court you is because they’re scared of your father. Derrick Middleton is not likely to be afraid of anyone.”
“Since Derrick refuses to stop courting me, I must handle the situation myself.”
“How are you going to do that?”
“I shall clear my social calendar for a few weeks until Richard proposes.”
“And what if Richard doesn’t propose? Will you go into permanent hiding?”
“I don’t know. But Richard will propose.”
“Do I need to tell you again that I think it’s a bad idea that you marry Richard?”
“No, you do not. And I trust that when I’m married to him and am as miserable as you predict, you will still be my friend?”
“That is a ridiculous question. Of course I will.” Poppy smacked her in the arm. “I have a question for you, though. What was it about the kisses that you didn’t want me to know? Was it that you felt you were betraying Richard? Or did you feel that allowing Derrick liberties would make me question your virtue?”
Claudia thought for a moment of how to answer those questions. Why had she kept the secret from her friend? She rarely kept anything from Poppy. Yet she had been reluctant to share this secret.
She didn’t particularly feel as if she was betraying Richard, although she knew she ought to feel that way, which made the entire situation all that much worse. She didn’t think Poppy would judge her innocence or lack thereof no matter what liberties she allowed Derrick or any other man to take. Poppy would never judge her. So what was it?
“I know what it is,” Poppy said, interrupting her thoughts.
“Splendid, because I’m at a loss. I’m certain I had a perfectly good reason. Perhaps I was simply embarrassed.”
“No, that’s not it,” Poppy said as if that were the most ridiculous thing she ever heard. “To admit to me that you had kissed Derrick Middleton would make you have to acknowledge something you’d rather not acknowledge.”
Claudia frowned. “What would that be?”
“That you want him. That you’re attracted to him, and you thoroughly enjoy kissing him and wish it were him in your future and not Richard.”
Claudia opened her mouth to respond, then promptly shut it. Could she refute that? Was it true? Of course it was true. She wanted Derrick in a way she didn’t know a woman could want a man. It was as if once she met him, she’d been turned on, like a lantern, and she burned hotter and brighter than she ever thought possible.
“I will assume your silence confirms my opinion,” Poppy said. “It’s a logical argument. But now that I’ve said it out loud, it’s out there, in the air, and you must acknowledge it. Admit it, Claudia. You wish you could marry Derrick.”
Claudia tilted her head and thought for a moment. “I’m not certain I’ll admit to that. I want him, desire him, but I don’t know that I want to marry him. I’ve never considered marriage with any other man than Richard.”
“What about when you were a girl? Didn’t you fantasize about a handsome man coming to whisk you away, pledging his undying love to you?”
“I suppose I did at one time.” But her father’s voice had squelched those fantasies before they became too advanced.
His voice rang in her ears. You’ll never be beautiful, Claudia. You need to cultivate other ways to ensnare a husband.
No, she’d never much dreamed of anything but living a life that would make her father proud. Yet that seemed the biggest fantasy of all.
“Well, you should start fantasizing about that now. Derrick could be the one, Claudia. You’re like the princess trapped in the highest tower of the castle, and he is your knight come to rescue from the evil tyrant.”
Claudia winced. “I suppose my father is the evil tyrant in this scenario?”
“Yes.”
“You’ve been reading too many adventure novels. We are not in Camelot, and Derrick Middleton is no knight.” Although the thought of him rescuing her was vastly appealing. She loved her father, but she longed to be free from his demands.