Page 53 of Courting Claudia

“I can’t help it. He’s been a rotten father.” She held up her hand to silence Claudia’s protests. “I know he’s provided for you, and you think he’s done his best raising you without your mother. And yes, he’s a hard man, but the truth of the matter is, he’s not a kind man. There are many people out there hardened by life, but they haven’t allowed it to tarnish their hearts. Being compromised with Derrick is the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

“I believe your perception is altered.”

“I’m serious. He can take you away from your father. No more worrying about every step you take, every word you say.” Poppy clapped her hands together. “Oh, and you’ll be free to continue your illustrations. How perfect. You can even sign your name. Let the world know that you are the talent behind those drawings.”

Claudia shook her head. “No. It would destroy my father to know that I had a paying position behind his back. I can’t do that to him.”

“One of these days your blind loyalty to him is going to cost you dearly.”

“I can’t turn my back on him. You should have heard him when Derrick was explaining what happened. He was furious. He’ll probably never forgive me, Poppy, and that hurts me. I know he hasn’t been the sort of father you think is kind and loving, but he’s the only one I have. The only family I have. And family deserves loyalty. I betrayed him.”

Poppy sighed and squeezed her hand. “I understand, and I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong for loving and respecting your father, but you cannot continue to live your life trying to please a man who will never approve of you. Instead of thinking about him and how he feels today, you should be reveling in the fact that Derrick rose to the occasion and saved your reputation. He did the honorable thing, and to find a man with honor is a rare thing—he will make you a good husband, Claudia.”

“He doesn’t love me.”

“You don’t know that.”

Her heart skipped a beat. Could he love her? In time would he grow to love her, once she gave him children? He liked her, seemed to enjoy her company, but ultimately she didn’t believe she was the kind of woman who could evoke such a strong emotion in a man. Derrick would never love her. She was being ridiculous even considering it.

“All right, so maybe he doesn’t love you. Yet. That doesn’t mean he won’t or isn’t already starting to. He certainly started courting you for a reason. He genuinely likes you. Anyone can see that. He enjoys your company. He obviously desires you, else you wouldn’t have found yourself in this situation.”

He did desire her. She knew that. Felt it deep inside. She didn’t understand it, but she knew it. Perhaps it was simply that she was a willing female, and he’d have reacted that way with anyone.

But he’d said himself that he’d never wanted anyone the way he wanted her.

“He will love you, Claudia. I know he will. How could he not?” Poppy wiped the tears that Claudia hadn’t even realized she’d cried. “I’ll leave you alone now, but let me know if you need anything.”

Claudia smiled at her best friend. “I’ll be fine. I promise. This morning my life was headed in a different direction. But I’ll be fine,” she assured her.

Poppy was a good friend, but there were things she’d never understand. Derrick would never love her; Claudia knew that. But she could certainly see herself falling in love with him, and that terrified her.

She’d resigned herself to a loveless marriage with Richard. With Richard it wouldn’t matter if he didn’t love her, because she knew in her heart that she would never love him. But a loveless marriage with Derrick was a different matter entirely. She didn’t want to love him if he didn’t love her in return. Marrying Derrick would break her heart because she was certain she’d begun to love him already.

Chapter 11

The following day Claudia sat in the Livingston parlor waiting for Derrick to arrive and call off the entire thing. Surely after a night’s sleep, he’d come to his senses and realized he didn’t want to marry her.

“Do stop pacing, Claudia, you’re making me ill,” Poppy said.

The door opened, and the Livingston butler poked his head in. “Miss Prattley, a Lord Foxmore to see you.”

Richard. Claudia stopped wearing a path in their carpet and glanced at Poppy. “What should I tell him?”

“You don’t owe him an explanation, Claudia. You weren’t betrothed to him. Simply tell him that you and Derrick are to be married. That is all that needs to be said.”

Richard entered the room looking more haggard than she’d ever seen him. In fact, she’d actually never seen him look haggard at all. His usually perfectly groomed hair lacked the oil that kept it in place, so it sat in reckless waves on his head. It was more attractive this way, but she thought better of commenting on it. And his clothing was less than clean. Bags sagged beneath his eyes, indicating at least one sleepless night, but probably more.

Gracious, she hoped this state wasn’t because of her.

“Hello, Richard.”

“Claudia.” He forced a weak smile, then nodded to Poppy.

“I believe I shall go and see if our dresses are ready for the soiree,” Poppy said, then left the room.

Traitor. She could have stayed for support. Of course, this was something Claudia needed to do herself.

“I suppose my father told you I was here,” she said.