Page 44 of For Your Eyes Only
“He still wants me to dance tomorrow night?”
“You’re on the schedule, but they haven’t found that guy.”
I think about dancing again. Would Trip still be in the audience after our date? Does it make sense for me to be upset if he is, when it’s me he’s watching?
My head hurts, and I climb between the sheets, pulling the blanket over my shoulder in an effort to hide from my twisted life.
“Hey.” Bianca sits on the side of my bed, rubbing my shoulder. “It’s normal to get cold feet before your first time. Sex is a big step.”
“Add to it all these things I’m doing. I’m playing a game, and I’m in over my head.”
“What if you’re not playing?”
Pulling the blanket down, I study her face. “What does that mean?”
“You chose that dress for tonight. You danced for him as Glitter Girl. What if you’re just doing you, and you’re afraid to own it?”
I don’t have an answer. I feel like I’m being honest, not afraid. I’ve been here before, at the edge of this cliff, looking down and not being able to see the bottom. I’m not the type to leap without knowing what’s in the water below. Is that fear or intelligence?
“What happens if I do me, and it all blows up in my face?”
“You have to take that risk if you’re going to get what you want.”
Metamorphosis.
Turning over again, I think about stepping out of the cocoon, learning to fly. I want to jump, and I want to do it with him… And I want to do it without a mask.
* * *
The cat maskis firmly in place over the platinum blonde wig, and I’m on the bed in the room I share with Bianca.
My costume is the same crimson-ribbon bodysuit from the last time I danced, only I’m supposed to do something special for the subscribers, so I’ve untied the top.
“What if you lean forward onto your elbows?” Bianca is behind the camera directing. “Are you comfortable with that?”
“Like this?” I roll onto my stomach, leaning forward so my bare breasts flatten against my forearms. “Can you see my nipples?”
“Not from this angle.” She turns to the laptop. “It looks hot. I think this pose and hearing you speak will be special enough.”
We spent the morning brainstorming how to maintain my near-nude persona while pushing it as close to the edge as possible.
“Ready to go live?”
My heart beats faster, but I nod, holding the remote in my hand. “Let’s go.”
The screen counts down from three, and like a whisper, I’m live on the platform, waiting to greet my first paying visitor. “What if no one shows up?”
Bianca holds a finger to her lips, shaking her head and pointing to the laptop then her ear. I guess she’s telling me they can hear what I’m saying, which I already know. I also know no one is on my livestream yet.
A popping noise tells me someone is here, and @Number1Fan appears with the comment,Hello, Glitter Girl.
I smile brightly. “Hi, Number 1…” I use a breathy, sweet voice and blink my eyes slowly. “Is that what I should call you?”
@Number1Fan:Makes sense to me.
“I guess it does, since you’re my first.” I exhale a giggle, like I just realized I made a sex joke.Duh. “Welcome to my livestream! Thank you for being here. I’ll just wait a few moments in case anyone else decides to join us.”
Arching my back a little, I can see my areolas are just visible and a ding sounds, meaning I’ve gotten a tip. Glancing up, I see it’s $100, and I blink fast. “Thank you…ahh…Wow. Who do I thank?”