Page 89 of For Your Eyes Only

“You promised you’d never hurt me.”

His brow arches, and he exhales a laugh. “I’ve promised a lot of women a lot of things. Goodbye, Gia.”

I collect my phone and my purse off the small table inside the door. “Goodbye, Mr. Alexander.”

I hold my shoulders straight as I follow Marco out the door. Devastation might be tearing me apart, but I won’t let him see it.

I’ll make it to the elevator. I’ll make it to the car. I’ll make it all the way to the airplane, and maybe I’ll even make it to Santa Croce before I break down.

I have to. It’s my only choice.

CHAPTER25

TRIP

At the click of the door latch, I collapse against the wall. Her honeysuckle scent lingers in the air, and I clutch my mouth. Diving into the half bathroom across the hall, I’m on my knees, barely getting the lid open before I vomit in the toilet.

“Fuck.” I cough, my body heaving like I’ve consumed poison.

Her beautiful eyes… they were glazed with tears. Her beautiful face was so pale. I hurt her. God, I hurt her so bad.

With my forehead on my arm, I can’t move as I heave up the shards of glass tearing my insides to shreds. Then I do something I haven’t done in a long, long time.

I break.

Tears burn my eyes as I fall against the wall. “Fuck… fuck.”

My muscles contract as if trying to expel the evil inside me.

She was wearing her red wrap dress. The one I told her I love. The air is scented with her marinara sauce, her spaghetti dish I love. She greeted me at the door with so much hope in her eyes.

I struck her like a snake, poisoning her world. I was the fire coming to burn her to the ground.

I’ll always see her precious body shuddering with every word I spoke. They were violent, invisible blows, each one beating her down more.

Then she killed me. She looked up at me with her round eyes full of tears and spoke the only words that could make me stop.I love you.

Leaning forward, I dry heave into the toilet. The muscles in my torso flex and fight, forcing my stomach to spasm. Coughing, I clutch the bridge of my nose.

There’s nothing left in me.

Even if I had no choice. Even if I had to save her life…

I can’t.

Pushing myself off the floor, I stagger into the kitchen. A crystal vase of roses is on the table. A sauce pot is on the stove, a bottle of red wine, her lipstick on the rim of the glass. I reach out to touch it, stopping just before…

I turn off the fire under the burners, then I go to the kitchen, digging out an unopened bottle of Mamont vodka. Grish gave it to me some time ago. I don’t know why I saved it—probably for the night I kicked my own guts out. The night I destroyed the only woman I’ve ever loved. The only woman I’ll ever love.

I love you.Her broken voice, her tear-flooded eyes.

The primal yell broils up from my stomach, tensing all my muscles as I grab the plates in front of me and slam them against the wall. Going to the table, I lift the vase of red roses and throw it across the room. It shatters against the fireplace like an explosion, but it’s not enough. I want to tear the place to the ground.

Shards of glass cover the hardwood floors, crunching under the soles of my stupidly expensive loafers as I go to my bedroom. Open spaces are in my closet where her clothes briefly hung. They’re like gaping holes, empty sockets. I can’t look at them.

Where did I leave the vodka?I return to the kitchen to retrieve the bottle, breaking the seal and taking a sip. I try to chug it, but it only burns, making me cough. Fuck not being a fucking alcoholic. I still try again, coughing hard, drinking more.

Sitting on the foot of the bed, I see her butterfly tee tucked under the pillow where she slept. Lifting it, I hold the piece of fabric to my nose and inhale deeply her warm scent of honeysuckle.