Page 70 of Undying Resilience
I think it’s why I haven’t dealt with the whole Jordan situation yet. After I froze up Sunday morning when I went to feed him, I haven’t gone into his room. The guys have kept giving him food, which they’re not happy about, but they’re not pushing back against my wishes.
The guys haven’t pressured me to put an end to Jordan’s misery. They’re letting me take this at my own pace. When Rhett kills Jordan for me, I don’t want to feel weak and small. I want to feel strong. Because when Jordan dies, I want him to know that this isn’t just the guys’ anger. It’s mine, too. I’m the one who wants him dead. This is me taking my power back, as Oliver put it. I have a feeling I’m going to be doing a lot of that lately.
In fact, it’s what I’m about to do right now. I’ve spent a couple days thinking about what Oliver and I talked about, and my idea has solidified into a full-fledged plan. The first step is to talk to Elliot.
I find him in his office. He’s sitting at his desk, staring at a spreadsheet on his computer that looks like the one Rhett had pulled up the other day.
“Ell?”
He looks up. “Hey, love. Need something?”
I nod. “Um. Ropes?”
Frowning, he says, “For Jordan? He’s already restrained.”
“No, for... Oliver.” I can feel blood rushing to my cheeks as I say it.
With a chuckle, he stands and takes my hand. “He’ll like that.”
In his room, Elliot pulls out a variety of ropes for me. I take what I’m pretty sure I need, gathering them up in my arms. Before I can go, Elliot stops me.
“I know Oliver wouldn’t force you into anything. But are you feeling pressured?” He cups my chin, his thumb brushing over my cheek. “You don’t have to have sex if you’re not ready to yet.”
“Not feeling pressured.” I lean into his palm. “But I’m not going to sit around and wait until I maybe feel comfortable again. I’m going to figure out what I need and take things at my own pace. And Oliver is going to help me. If I need to stop, I will.”
Elliot smiles. “That’s my girl.”
His praise warms my heart, and I stand on my tiptoes to kiss him. “I’ll see you when we’re done.”
I don’t bother trying to look through the whole house to find Oliver. He got back from a makeup lunch with his mom about an hour ago, so he could be anywhere. I shoot him a text, and he tells me he’s in the living room. When I step into the room, I see him on the couch facing away from me.
“I know what I need,” I say.
Oliver turns, and his gaze sweeps over the ropes in my arms as a slow grin takes over his face. “Every day, I find yet another similarity between you and Ell.”
“Is that a compliment?”
“Oh, definitely. I’m in love with the man, after all.” He gets up and comes around the couch so he’s standing in front of me. “You’re sure you’re ready?”
I want to feel strong.
“I’m positive.”
He gestures to the rope. “Explain your thought process here. I’m curious.”
“It’s about power,” I say. “Power and control.”
He nods slowly, narrowing his eyes. “Okay.”
“My issue is with vulnerability, right? With feeling too exposed or too human or too unsafe. But if I feel like I’m in charge, I think a lot of that will fade.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m following.”
“I don’t want you to touch me without my permission. And I want you to do what I say. I want to have all the power this time. As long as that’s okay with you.”
“Wren,” he murmurs, “it’d be an honor. And a dream come true, but that’s beside the point.”
I smile. “Then let’s go.”