Page 99 of Avoidance

He shoved his hands into his pockets. “It’s a nice night. I wasn’t keeping track of the time.”

I stepped down two steps and sat on the top landing. “It is a nice night.” I patted the empty space beside me.

T.J. sat in between me and the railing. “How did it go?”

I exhaled for what felt like the first time all day. “It went really well, actually. I opened up to her and told her about my drinking – why I started, how I couldn’t stop, and how I’ve been working with you to make sure it never happens again.” I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. “She said a lot of things that sounded like you.”

He smiled. “Like what?”

“Like how I need to trust myself, and stop beating myself up about the mistakes that I’ve made. She said that mistakes are necessary for us to learn from. She also said that I need to let people love me, and to love myself.”

“That’s all true. She’s been through a lot. She’s an addict in recovery, so she’s learning from all of her mistakes. She’s trying to make sure that you don’t go down the same path she took.”

“She said she regrets her decision to leave every single day. It’s the one mistake she will never be able to fix. That’s a lot of guilt to live with.”

“It is. We have to live with the choices we make, and they’re not always good.”

I rested my elbows on my knees, and propped my head up with my hand. “She made me think twice about breaking up with Chase. I’m left with this feeling like I don’t know if I made the right choice or not.”

“To me, the choice is crystal clear.”

“What do you mean?”

“You have to ask yourself one question: do you love him?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then you need to fight for what you love. You’re a warrior, remember?”

A slow smile began to creep onto my face. “Thanks for coming to check on me.”

“Any time, doll face.”

“You wouldn’t be here if you had a life, you know.” I leaned in and nudged him with my shoulder.

“If it weren’t for Chase, you would be my life.”

I caught my mouth before it dropped completely open. I looked into his eyes. “Tanner was right.” It came out as more of a statement than a question.

T.J. averted his eyes. “The only time you can’t fight for what you love is when she’s in love with someone else.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t want you to know.”

“I’m so sorry. I can’t–”

“I know,” he interrupted. “I know.”

I covered his hand with mine. “You have done so much for me, T.J. I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

He stood and stretched his arms up over his head. “You can repay me by staying sober. Stop running away from your feelings. Your avoidance is your downfall.”

I stood. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“You will.” He winked, and trotted down the stairs.

I walked inside my apartment, and grabbed only my keys. I locked the door after stepping back outside, and jogged down to my car – the only thing I had left of my father. I started the engine, and rolled the windows down.