Page 24 of Winter Unleashed
I nodded as I inched my way to the bathroom without letting him out of sight. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” He moved passed me in a way you’d move passed a dangerous animal. When he got to the door, I said, “And just so there’s no confusion, I mean you should go back to your place.”
He turned to look at me again. “I’ll do as you wish, but I need you to know whatever happened in that dream, that man wasn’t me. I never have nor will I ever hurt you. That man you see in your sleep isn’t me.”
“Okay, but you need to understand, those dreams are too vivid for me to be sure they’re not real. That they’re not memories.” I could still feel the burn from the rat bites. “I’m extremely confused and a little scared. Maybe more than a little. Everything is all twisted and I can’t even trust my own brain.” I shook my head and ran my hands through my hair.
“I understand. If you’ll let me, I’d like to help you,” he said.
I nibbled my lip while I thought, and I was too aware of his eyes on my lips. The urge to kiss him excited and confused me. “How would you help me?”
“I’m not sure just yet, but I’d like to try. I want to be in your life in whatever way you’re comfortable.”
The pain in his voice made my heart hurt. I wanted to hug him, but the vision of dream-Liam was still strong in my mind. “I can’t. Not right now. It’s too much.”
“Are you still willing to meet with Astrid?” he asked.
“Can I think about it?”
“Of course. My number is in your phone, call me when you’re ready.”
He didn’t turn to leave. Instead, we stared at each other for a long time. The distance between us seemed to grow smaller. I realized I was moving toward him when I was only a foot away. It took all I had to stop myself from closing the distance between us.
“This is all so confusing,” I whispered as tears fell down my cheeks. “I have this need to touch you, hold you, but it’s warring with the alarm bells telling me you’re the man from my nightmares. I—I just don’t know what to believe anymore. It’s like everything is sideways.”
He stayed where he was, but I saw his hands clench and unclench before he shoved them in his pockets. “I’m sorry this is happening. I wish I could fix it. Astrid might be able to, but I understand if you don’t trust me enough to believe she’s on your side.” He took a shaky breath. “You don’t know how badly I want to hug you right now.”
I gave him a watery smile. “Probably as badly as I want you to.” I held out my hands to stop him. “But don’t. Please.”
“Someone will be by in the morning to replace the glass doors the vamps broke.” His jaw clenched as he turned to leave. I waited until my front door closed to move into the living room so I could peek out the window and watch him drive away.
“Em, are you okay?” Stella said from behind me.
I turned to face her. “Yeah. I guess. I don’t know. Probably not.”
“Oh, Em,” she breathed as she wrapped her arms around me. “What happened?”
I told her about my nightmare, waking up to Liam in my room, and then our conversation.
“Oh, Em,” she repeated, “he loves you so much. Before all this, you loved him too, you just wouldn’t admit it. Not even to yourself.”
I let out a sardonic laugh. “That does sound like something I’d do.” The earnest look she aimed at me made me want to believe everything she, Isaac, and Liam had told me. But the nightmares… “I have this pull to him. Even when I’m scared of him, I want to grab onto him and never let go.”
“You should let your wolf see him.”
She said it so simply. Like it should have been the first thing I thought of. Maybe it should have. Our wolves are far more perceptive than we are. They can easily tell if someone is no good.
“Henry saw him,” I said when I remembered.
“Oh? That’s even better… I think. Guardians are supposed to protect their wards, right? If Liam wasn’t on the up and up, Henry would have warned you. Right?” She paused until I nodded. “Okay, so what happened?”
“He was hanging out with Liam’s guardian.”
She perked up and did a little bounce. “That’s a really good sign, isn’t it?”
I flung my arms into the air and let them fall again. “I don’t know, Stell. Maybe I should let my wolf see him. Two approvals are better than one, right?”
“Okay, so do it. What’s stopping you?”
I nibbled my lip while trying to figure out how to answer her. There really wasn’t anything stopping me. Except my fear. After being raised by a horrible man who’d done his best every day to prove I didn’t deserve love, I’d believed him. And on top of that, I’d had all the shifters in the packs to thank for reinforcing that belief. The only two people I’d ever been able to count on were Isaac and Stella.