Page 110 of Fierce-Ivan

A little bit, he’d told himself.

He was confused and conflicted like never before.

He wasn’t ready to pull the trigger just yet, but he’d been honest that he’d been thinking of it. He wasn’t about to admit he’d been researching rings and was glad he hadn’t after her comment.

Now he was afraid this was going to set him back even more when he finally felt like he was getting ahead.

“Don’t get mad at your mother. She meant well. She was concerned.”

“I’m angrier with myself that she was trying to reach me and couldn’t and then went to you. What if she needed me? If it was important and I wasn’t there for her?”

“Then she did the right thing and called me and I would have taken care of it. Don’t put this on your shoulders, Kendra. You don’t need to be burdened with it.”

“It’s my responsibility to be there for my mother.”

She was crying and it killed him. He wiped a tear from her cheek. “It’s not your responsibility. Neither of us has lost our hearing. Your mother either. And I’ve heard it more than once that you need to back off a little.”

“I know, but it’s so hard. And now this. It’s bringing it all up again. All the struggles my mother and I went through and here my father wanted me to stay with him until he got a room in the hospital. I told him no. I’ve talked to the doctors. I know what is going on. They’ve got my number. My father is half drugged and will sleep the whole night.”

“It’s selfish of him to ask you to stay by his side,” he said with more anger in his voice than he’d had before.

“If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t think that. But it’s my father and I’ll never forget what he did to me. I just can’t. They are going to call me tomorrow when he’ll be discharged and I’ll take a few hours off of work and then get him and bring him home.”

“I’ll go with you,” he said.

“No,” she said. “Please. I don’t want to bring you into this. I don’t even want my mother to know.”

“Why?” he asked. “Why not tell your mother?”

“Because she doesn’t need to get upset or mad either. How dare he ask this of me? He’s not the one that lived with my mother when he left. When my mother blamed herself for everything. That she was alone. That my father walked out of my life. That we were going to struggle financially. That most of my friends left because I wasn’t around enough. She carried that guilt onhershoulders. On top of having to learn to live a new life and a new way of doing things.”

As much as he tried to put himself in their shoes, he just couldn’t. Maybe it was better if he didn’t meet Kevin or he’d be saying things he’d regret.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be. You didn’t do anything. I’m sorry you are being dragged into this.”

“I’m not being dragged anywhere. I’m here for you. I’d be no other place and you know it. I don’t like that you didn’t tell me what was going on either. If your mother hadn’t called, would you have told me?”

“I would have,” she said. “I probably would have called you tonight.”

“And then downplayed it all,” he said. He knew her well enough by now. That is exactly what she’d do.

Because she never wanted anyone to see her weak.

“Most likely,” she said. “And that bothers you and I’m sorry for it.”

“Don’t be,” he said. “I’d ask you to come back to my house tonight, but I know you need to go home and see your mother.”

“I do,” she said. “I’ve got so much baggage. Now I know why I’ve been single for years. I’d understand if this is too much for you.”

She stood up and he got pissed off. “Don’t go there,” he said. “What have I done to make you think I don’t have the chops to deal with this?”

She started to cry again. “Nothing. It’s just me. It’s too much for everyone, myself included.”

“Then stop putting the world on your shoulders, Kendra. You’re doing that. No one but you.”

“I had to,” she said.