Page 58 of Slowly, All at Once

Since this was technically a work day, I made my way back to my desk and pulled out some grant requests to review. I couldn’t focus. I wanted to work on my own business plan. My laptop was open. The last website I’d visited still daring me to read it: “How to start a horse-riding business.” It was daunting to make a business plan, get clients, apply for permits, get licenses, charge them money, etc. Oh my god, so much information!

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. “Hey there, darlin’. Why so forlorn?”

I pushed back from the desk, and stood. “Hey, Brett, how are you?”

He crossed the room, arms extended as if to give me a hug. I sidestepped just out of his reach. He tilted his head, and frowned. “Did I do something wrong?”

Oh, his eyes were pretty, golden like a tiger. He was equally as predatory. I’d fallen for his flirtations last Christmas when he came out to visit John and Mia. He was charming and sexy, and I thought it would be a convenient hook-up. I hadn’t meant to hurt him.

“No, not at all. I’m happy to see you.”

He came closer, bending his knees and slowly pulling me up into a hug. “But…?”

He nuzzled my neck. Oh, this was bad. I pulled back and put my hands on his biceps. I took a moment to just gently squeeze them. Oh, yum. Wait, no. I pushed him away. “But…”

“Hey Camille.”

Fuck.

I stepped out of Brett’s arms.

“Jacob, you remember Brett.” I went back around my desk.

“Brett.” He put his hands in his pockets.

“Jacob.” He grinned knowingly, and I was instantly angry. Did he do this on purpose?

I sighed. “I really need to get back to work. Brett, thanks for stopping to say hello.” I added in dismissal, “Jacob.”

Brett skirted Jacob on his way out.

Jacob walked farther into the room.

“Camille,” he drawled.

I looked up sharply. “It wasn’t what you think.”

“And what did I think?”

He propped a hip on the edge of my desk. His broad shoulders filled my vision. The smile didn’t meet his eyes.

“That I was flirting with Brett.” I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms in front of me, waiting.

“Were you?” His words were bitter.

“No.”

He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

I sat up straight, and said emphatically, “I wasn’t.”

He was silent. His body practically hummed with his attempt at controlling his words.

I pleaded. “Are you ever going to trust me?”

“I’m trying. Maybe we can’t go back,” he said with a cutting tone. He stood to leave.

Pride kept me from chasing after him but something made me whisper his name. “Jacob.”

He turned at the door, a sweet smile on his face. “I’m not mad, Camille. I’m not happy about Brett, but I can’t judge. It’s just going to take a while for us to get through the bumps.”

His words were what I needed but they also sounded… resigned? Disappointed? Sad? Was he giving up on us? I couldn’t pin it down.

As he left, he simply said, “I’ll see you later this week.”

I watched his retreating back.