Page 48 of Dare To Free Us
“Your ability to lie to yourself,” she deadpanned.
What the actual fuck?Was I talking to a teenager or Doctor Phil? “And how is that?” I couldn’t help asking, just to see what she would come up with.
“You love Matteo, yes? I can see that. But you lie to yourself that he is good man just because he is capable of love and mercy. It doesn’t make him any less a killer, a criminal. Someone who rules a world filled with violence and pain. My father loved my mother, but I also watched him slit a man’s throat at ten.”
Ahhh…
We stared at each other. I’d come to terms with what Matteo was a long time ago. Or least I told myself I did. I wasn’t my mother, I didn’t stick my head in the sand and pretend I didn’t know. I just… chose not to believe it mattered.
But after the crash… was the moment I realized that his world, our world— because I’d chosen to be a part of it— almost cost me more than I could bare.
It was the first time I had doubt. It wasn’t like I’d never thought about the risk of kids in this life but our child was almost killed before taking their first breath. It was a reality check that I couldn’t push aside.
“What was it like, growing up in it?”
Her eyes drifted around the room before settling in her lap. “It is a life of extremes,” she said sadly. “On one hand you have everything you could ever want. Money. Possessions. You go where you want because of who you are but for me none of it was real. Because on the other hand I am nothing but possession myself. As a girl you have no say in anything. Not even who you will marry. You are a caged animal until they find someone who will buy you, then you move to new cage. That is reality of being born a woman in this life.”
I shook my head. “Matteo would never make our daughter marry someone she didn’t love.”
She scoffed as if I was being stupid. “Even if that is true, who would want her besides another gangster or dirty politician? What good man would willing become connected to this world full of murders and criminals? She would be sought after by every man with ambition looking to make good with Matteo or an enemy looking to destroy him.”
Just like Shura did with me.I didn’t say anything, there wasn’t really anything I could argue with. This is what I came to hear, and just because I didn’t like it didn’t mean I couldn’t see the truth in it.
Without thinking I rubbed a hand across my stomach, as if trying to convince myself that what Vasilisa confirmed didn’t effect me.
Her eyes immediately zeroed in on the action, then narrowed. That intelligence I saw earlier burst to the surface.
“You are pregnant.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Then I hope it is a boy. Although I still feel sorry for him.”
“Why?” It seemed ridiculous to be letting a this girl give me advice or even take her too seriously but this is what I’d come for. To know what it was like growing up in the mafia. I knew Matteo’s story but always told myself with our children it would be different because Matteo loved me and would love our children.
“Because he is doomed to a life of blood and death. He will grow up with target on his head. He will never know who to truly trust and most likely be murdered before he grows old. And if he isn’t killed, will probably go to prison. There is no bright future in the mafia, even for the ones in power. There is only suffering. He will kill, lie and threaten people to get what he wants. He will become another monster wrapped in pretty suit. ”
We sat in silence for a few tense moments. There wasn’t too much else either of us felt like saying. I decided to change the subject, because I didn’t know if I could stomach any more.
“Vasilisa, I’m sorry for whatever you have suffered in this life but Matteo said he is not going to send you back to it. So, can you do me a favor and not go so hard on the guys?”
Her shoulder lifted with a lazy shrug. “I just don’t like being locked up. It reminds me of home. I will do better.”
“You need to stop walking around in your underwear or towel. You are fifteen, you shouldn’t be doing that to grown men.”
A devious smiled lit up her face. “Ok, I stop.”
“Good, because…” I paused until she looked up to meet my eyes. “If you ever flash your underwear to my husband again I’ll slap the shit out of you.” I made sure my words were hard and as serious as a heart-attack.
It wasn’t that I thought Matteo never saw other women in their underwear or even nude, he owned a strip club and had to conduct business in them often. But I knew Matteo only had eyes for me. Vasilisa however, putting Matteo in an uncomfortable position because she was throwing a fit pissed me off.
Those blue eyes widened. “Ok, no more.”
“Good. Give one of the men a list of anything you need and I will make sure to get them, along with some cookbooks.”
“I know how to cook, I just enjoy making grumpy man frustrated. It is entertaining.”
I shook my head. Matteo was right, this girl was a major pain in the ass.