Page 59 of Dare To Free Us
“No.” I was really getting tired of hearing this shit.
“Matteo, you are making a mistake. You are letting personal feelings ruin everything we have built. We have to think about salvaging what we have left.”
“I gave her my word. I will not take it back.” Nico’s shoulders sagged in defeat. He knew as well as anyone I never go back on my word.
“You gave your word to a girl you barely know. But you have dozens of men, some with families, depending on you.”
I growled under my breath. I knew what weighed on my shoulders. A newborn Underboss like him could never understand. It wasn’t just about the men and their families— that weighed enough to crush me daily— it was the way I wanted to be known as a Boss. Being a ruthless motherfucker was fine by me, being a monster that didn’t give a shit about innocence, it reminded me too much of my father.
The fact I made that promise in a moment of trying to keep Vasilisa from slicing her wrists in front of me when she thought she would have to go back to Shura didn’t matter. I gave my word, that was the end of it.
“Very well. What do you want to do?”
“Fuck the subtle tactics. I’ll smoke the bastard out. We hit every location we have good intel on saying it’s connected with Shura. I want to go after the street gangs he’s doing business with. Kill his men faster than he can replace them.”
Nico’s scowl creased his forehead so deep it looked painful. “The Irish and MC will not be ok with that. We won’t have their support.”
Fuck O’Connell and Storm. The pussies could rot in Hell for all I cared anymore. If they weren’t man enough to grow a pair of balls and fight back instead of waiting to slowly die, then they could take my concern up the ass.
I had full understanding that this had escalated beyond the Victor incident and remembered O’Connell had given us support when I asked, but he hadn’t been effected beyond that. Victor made sure to leave O’Connell and Storm out of it because he still wanted their business after wiping us out.
Yes, we formed an alliance to make money, but I wasn’t aware at the time that they wouldn’t be willing to take risks in order to not be overthrown. Because that’s exactly what Shura would do. Kill every last one of them, or make a deal and stab them in the back before the ink could dry.
I would not go down like that. And I needed this to end so I could get things back to normal and be able to tell my wife it was over.
Hopefully Arianna’s faith in me would be restored.
14
ARIANNA
Iate without tasting my food. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were one of my favorite snacks— and sometimes breakfast. Some things you just never outgrow.
But as I sat at the counter chewing mindlessly there was no joy to be found in the sticky-sweet goodness. A spot on the counter held my attention as my mind wondered somewhere else.
Suddenly I saw my mother. I felt six years old again as I watched her meticulously spread the peanut butter and homemade jam over the bread. Her smile even more sweet than the sugary confection she was creating.
Tears stung my eyes again.
What would happen to my parents? Leaving would kill them. My father would be furious with Matteo, maybe enough to do something incredibly foolish. Matteo had never threatened my family, knowing I loved them very much, but there was only so far he could let disrespect go before it threatened the reputation of his prowess.
Would they understand and support me, or hate me for abandoning them too? I hoped for the first but couldn’t stop the wave of guilt that settled on me knowing the latter was possible.
Everyone would hate me. Call me a coward and a fake for masquerading around like I held the ability to be a don’s wife. When at the moment I felt like anything but.
Again I thought of Becka and desperately wanted to call her. I needed her. To get advice on leaving or not. But I knew her and Luca kept no secrets from each other. Asking her to hide the fact she knew I had thoughts of running away wouldn’t be fair. She would keep the secret no doubt, but it would burn inside her. I couldn’t do that.
Feeling sick rather than pleasantly full my head fell into my hands. Deep breaths filled my lungs, while trying to convince myself that having every person I ever loved hate me would be worth it.
And, I still wasn’t even sure if I had the guts, or could live without Matteo by my side. Endure life knowing I’d never making love to him again, see the boyish look on his face as he slept, feel his hard chest and strong arms hold me when I needed comfort. Or feel the privilege of watching his iron exterior melt away at my touch because I was the safe space he escaped to.
There would be no one to comfort me, I would well and truly be on my own.
“Arianna.”
My head sprung up so fast at the sound of Maria’s voice I nearly fell off my stool.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”