Page 70 of Dare To Free Us
“Because, I was grateful for it. My father loved my mother, but like a possession, not a person you care for. When she got sick with cancer he never went to see her, neither did my brother. When she died, they came to the funeral but couldn’t be bothered to look sad. The one person who cared about my future was gone. My name means ‘Queen’, my mother named me so hoping fate would be better to me. But even if I do marry a don, I will never be a queen of anything. The fate of every woman in this life.”
I stayed silent because I really had nothing to say. This was what Arianna tried to tell me as well. That no matter what measures I took to make sure our daughter was raised to be someone’s queen, the chances of it were slim to none. Our world was built around traditions and men that held onto them. Arianna and I were the anomaly.
“I’m sorry about your mom.” It was all I could think to answer with, Vasilsa knew she was right about everything else. What would arguing accomplish anyway?
“Thank you. Matteo?”
“Yes.”
“I won’t go back.” Her words were a promise. I’d already made promises to Vasilisa when she threatened to kill herself, thinking I was going to use her. I had no doubt she meant it.
“Just give me a bit more time?”
“Ok.” She hung up.
A lump caught in my throat as I imagined a vibrant young woman like that killing herself. Sending off a quick text to the men to keep an extra close eye on her I headed for my home office to think. Leaving the lights off I moved around my desk to sit in the near dark.
Dropping down in my chair, I tossed my phone on the desk and stared at it. There was only one person I wanted to call, but hesitated. I would be putting him at risk, his wife, and their unborn child.
Was I really that selfish? After another few seconds of burning holes through the screen with my eyes I swiped it off the gleaming wood.
I needed to talk to Luca. For the first time I was well and truly fucking lost, without a shred of knowing how to continue. I needed my best friend.
As I punched in the number my guts churned.This is wrong.But yet it felt so right. It rang and I stopped myself from hanging up.
“Matteo?” Luca spoke with concern. Of course he did, the deal was no contact unless it was an emergency. But I thought this qualified, barely.
“Luca. It’s good to hear your voice,” I breathed with a sigh of relief.
“What’s wrong?” The urgency had gone from his voice, replaced by curiosity.
“I need to talk to you.”
“You sound like shit.” I smiled at that.
“And look the part too,” I added.
“Are you ok? Hurt?”
“No.” My head hung low.
“Then what the fuck is wrong? Spit it out man, you’re freaking me out.”
“Everything,” I exhaled, feeling like the very ceiling would fall on my head and crush me, just because the universe was out to punish me.
“Tell me.”
I spent the next several minutes telling the whole story. From the meeting with Jasper in my office, to the car crash, Arianna and I fighting, and finally her trying to leave. I told him everything. Every dirty detail, down to the act of fucking Arianna like a filthy beast, knowing he would get how seriously out of character it was. As I spoke the weight lifted a bit. Luca listened it total silence as I bled through my words. When I was done I felt exhausted, every muscle in my body sagged with overwhelming fatigue. Then I finished with, “I don’t know what to do.” The truth tried to choke the life from me.
I was the Don, incompetence wasn’t supposed to be in my vocabulary. Yet in that moment, I felt worthless.
A heavy sigh sounded over the line. “About the syndicate and what you are doing, I would say you don’t have much choice, but you made the right ones. You are a good leader, Matteo. The best I’ve seen. Do what you know is right. If you bend, they will push that much harder to break you.”
“I’m more concerned about Arianna.” It was the truth, the rest of the world be damned. I could handle the business side of things. If push came to shove with the Irish and MC, I’d pull a fucking gun and make them regret pushing in the first place. There was a long silence that had my nerves setting off. “Luca?”
“I’m here.” There was a darkness in his voice that sounded all too familiar to the Luca I knew before Becka. Cold. Calculating. Merciless.
“I need to make it right.” The desperateness in my own voice made my stomach turn to knots.