Page 55 of Effortless
“As soon as your mom is out of the shower, I’ll get in. Not sure what we’re going to wear.”
I grin like the cat that got the cream. “I picked some stuff up for you from Target. Had the Uber driver that drove me to the police station make a quick pit stop.”
“By the look on your face, whatever you picked out for us to wear is not going to be something you’ve ever seen on us before.”
Oh, he hasnoidea.
I’m practically rubbing my hands together in glee, excited to see them wear these outfits.
* * *
“I can’t wear this.”
My mother’s reaction is exactly how I expected it to be. Horrified.
“What else do you plan to wear?”
She narrows her eyes, wrapped in a towel with her hair dripping wet.
“This is pajamas.”
“No. It’s leggings and a t-shirt, Mom. This is what people wear. We’re going to the hospital, not a fashion show.”
“This isn’t appropriate to wear in public.”
I roll my eyes. “Mom! It’s perfectly acceptable. Everyone wears black leggings. The t-shirt is a bit oversized so it’ll cover your butt. It’s clean and your size. What else do you want? I’m not running around to find some designer outfit just so you can visit Aunt Dorothy in the hospital.”
“Did you at least pick up clean underwear? And what shoes am I supposed to wear?”
“Yes, I have clean underwear and I picked up these.” I reach down to the floor, knowing that this will be the straw that broke the camel’s back. She’s going to flip out.
I lift up the sandals I bought and present them to her as if I’m handing over a pile of gold.
“What oneartharethose?”
“They’re what we call flip-flops.”
“They look like something a college kid would wear to the shower room.”
I press my lips together because that’s basically what they are. Rubber sandals.
“Mom. Listen. I know you’re all stuck on wearing the best of the best at all times but there is absolutely nothing wrong with these clothes. You’ve worn sandals like these before.”
“Right. But they’re Gucci and absolutelynothinglike this atrocity.”
I’m losing my patience and fast with how snotty she’s behaving. “These aren’t an atrocity and if you continue to act like a stuck-up snob who’s too good to wear something I graciously bought you considering you were injailand I had to go bail you out, then I’ll keep them for myself and you can explain to Dad why you won’t be joining us at the hospital to check on his aunt who just had a heart attack. A heart attack she had in an airport because she was coming with me to offer support when I had to go to, again, bail you out of jail.”
If it was possible to have smoke coming out of her ears right now, she would.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”
“Immensely.”
She huffs then motions for me to turn around so she can get dressed in her new clothes.
The shower turns off and I knock on the door to the bathroom.
“Dad?”