Page 23 of Come Back to Me
“You are, you are my light,” he says between kisses, “I don’t ever stop thinking of you. I want to bury myself inside you and hear you scream my name. I want to give you every pleasure. I only want you. You are my purpose.” I pull back to look into his eyes, not caring if this is a line. I don’t care about tomorrow. All I care about is now, and being Cole Parker’s purpose, his words touching my heart with a force that I may never recover from.
“Come home with me, Mia. Let me have you tonight. I’ll beg if I have to.”
He wraps his arms around my back, kissing my neck and cementing my decision. “Yes, Cole. Yes, I want to be with you tonight.” And then his gorgeous mouth closes over mine.
We manage to not tear each other apart in the car. Once I agreed to go home with him, I purposely pulled away and told him I was not about to have sex in the car. All Cole did was laugh and say “next time”.Ummmm next time! So maybe I’m not just for one night?
“Answer me this, though. Earlier, when you zoned out? What was the deal, what was wrong?” He turns to focus his attention on me and I can barely hide my squirming. I look out the window, debating how to tell him. It’s not a matter of not telling him, I just need to approach it the right way. I can’t explain or justify why I feel the way I do toward Cole, but I can’t lie to him or keep him out. I don’t want to.
“Well, this is hard…” I take a breath and look down at my hands. “So, almost two years ago, I was attacked. Someone who worked in Richard’s office tried to rape me. Apparently it was stopped before that happened, but my memory has blacked out the whole event, that whole night, and it seems, two months prior to that night as well. It’s been turning my life upside down. I’ve become prone to panic attacks or fainting in stressful situations. And then, two weeks ago, the attack in the alley when you showed up. Needless to say it’s been a boatload to deal with, plus my mom and Richard worrying and driving me crazy, and … not to mention, everyone tip-toeing around me like I’m some kind of child or nothing more than a weak victim who can’t handle reality. There you have it. That’s my saga. I feel like you should know this stuff about me, because I’m not normal, and if we’re about to get intimate—and I hope we are…” I smile at him… “it seems only fair for you to know the truth. I’m totally fucked up.”
Ironically, I’m comforted by the strength in my voice. I can say the words, repeat what happened to me without any sense of guilt or shame or responsibility. I realize in that moment in the car with Cole that I am not Carter’s victim anymore. “I blocked out a bunch of time surrounding the attack, and now memories have started flooding back in random pieces. I get triggered by something or someone and boom, a flashback.” Cole is silent, listening to me. He is the picture of an understanding observer, if not for the whites of his knuckles. His hands are fisted so tightly that I know he is reacting to what I’ve said. I reach over to touch his hands, and say, “Thank you for wanting to be my protector, but I’m okay. I’ve been dealing with it for a while.” He blinks back into focus, removing the glaze from his eyes and smiling sweetly at me.
“You are amazing and brave, Mia, but you’ll have to forgive me for saying, I would kill whoever hurt you and I mean that sincerely.” He turns his head to gaze out the window, and in the darkness as I look at his chiseled, set profile, I know this man means what he says.
I put my head on his shoulder. I don’t know what-all has happened in Cole’s life, but it is clear that my words have deeply affected him. I wonder to myself if that’s what draws us to each other. Maybe we were both a bit broken and we need each other because we share this profound connection.
Pulling me from my thoughts, Cole says, “Do you think the mugging was the trigger for your memory?” I have also wondered about any connection, but it seems moot. I’m just happy my memories are coming back.
“The revelation is that my recent attack has been linked to the man who tried to rape me two years ago. Somehow he is back out on the streets. His family has no idea where he is, but Richard has been looking into it.”I can’t believe I’m spilling every detail of the situation. He’s so easy to talk to!
Cole turns to look at me with anger rippling off of him. “What?!” He booms. “Why didn’t you tell me this before? You’ve been walking around for a week without any sort of security or protection from this madman?! Why are you acting like it’s no big deal, Mia?! Why the fuck hasn’t Richard told me this?!”
Whoa! Where the hell is this coming from?Why would Richard tell Cole about my attacker, just because Cole helped get me to safety afterward? I guess maybe that makes sense. I know Cole wants to protect me, but this reaction seems a bit extreme. I start to protest, but he holds up his hand to stop me. “Mia, I know it may seem fast, but you are precious to me. You are special and I will not allow anything to happen to you, ever again.” His last words sound like despair and regret. They also indicate that he plans to be around for the long haul. What else does ‘ever again’ mean? “I’m calling Richard tomorrow to have a conversation about this, I will not be told not to.”
I sit staring at this beautiful maniac. I’m not what sure what to say. Do I tell him that I refused any security from Richard and my mother because I was secretly hoping Carter would find me? If Carter finds me and tries to hurt me, his death will look like self-defense. Then there’s the other option—I play dumb and let everyone believe I am fragile and in need of a guardian. I choose option three—he freedom excuse.
“Cole, I don’t want any security. I don’t want to live in a bubble. I can’t spend my life looking over my shoulder. I know Richard is looking for Carter Williams, and I trust that I will be safe.”
Cole physically blanches when I say Carter’s name.
“Bullshit. You aren’t fooling me. Never lie to me, Mia. I’m all in with you. Your crazy doesn’t scare me, baby, but never lie to me.” He is serious. I believe him and in that moment I know there is nothing I could do that would scare him away.
Fine, I’ll call your bluff.“I want him to find me.”
“What? Don’t become a vigilante, Mia. Murder isn’t an option for you.” He shakes his head, connecting the dots much faster than I expected.
“Self-defense is an option,” I smart back quickly.
“Not when it’s premeditated. You couldn’t and shouldn’t have to live with that, Mia. I won’t let you carry that burden.” He kisses the back of my hand.
I know deep down that he’s right. I know I would struggle with purposely taking a life, but my hope is that the life I take will save others from harm and anguish, and that will justify my intentions. I feel Cole’s piercing stare, and know he is reading my thoughts. He wraps his arm around me and says, “We will figure this out. First, I need to know you are safe, and then I’ll find a way to make you understand that you’ve got me, baby. I’m in your corner.”
“Well! This has been one helluva car ride.” I can’t help worrying that this man has no idea what kind of ride he is in for. I’m too much baggage. I can’t understand why anyone would want to take this kind of tragedy on.
“I’m sorry, Cole. Tonight started out so differently! I’m sorry for ruining the mood.” He must have serious buyer’s remorse.
“Why are you apologizing? I want all of you, not just the pretty parts. Although I would very much like to see your parts…” he says with eyes twinkling. “Come on, let’s go home.” He steps out of the car to turn and lend his hand to me.
Home… That was an odd thing to say.I don’t correct him because it’s the kind of thing people say absentmindedly, and if I’m being truly honest, I like it.I like the idea of Cole being my home.
I don’t understand why my feelings for him are so intense, but I’m not going to second guess it. He holds my hand the whole way up as we ride the elevator to his penthouse.
Penthouse isn’t the right word. The moment you exit the elevator, you see an entire wall of windows overlooking the city. The view is striking, but a mere back drop to the beauty of the home itself. Beyond the foyer is a great room with an industrial style chef’s kitchen offset by a gigantic island; this faces the living room that houses large, down-stuffed couches and an oversized fireplace. To the left of the living room is the dining area with a long wooden table and gorgeous lights overhanging.
The house exudes comfort, not exactly what I expected from a bachelor pad.
“Make yourself at home, can I get you something to drink?”