Page 24 of The Wrong Track

But Tobin seemed not to notice my mistakes, or maybe it was just that he was even worse at it so he appreciated my effort, in spite of how I messed up. He ate with gusto, even the greens which I personally didn’t want to have in my mouth. Mostly I watched him enjoying himself. He talked a little about Lulu again, and it sounded like he’d missed her.

“Are you sorry that you two broke up?” I asked him. “I think you are.”

He looked at his plate for a minute. “I thought Lulu was the best thing ever. I thought I loved her.” He met my eyes. “Do you know what happened between me and Haze? Did she ever tell you?”

“I don’t think that she told anyone, except maybe her mom. She only says nice things about you.”

“It wasn’t like I did something intentionally bad or wrong.” He drank milk and carefully wiped away the moustache. “I had realized, slowly came to understand, that what I felt for Lulu was a lot more about the way she looked in a thong. Outside of what we did in bed, we didn’t have a lot to talk about. Do you know what I mean?”

“Lust, the third deadly sin,” I stated. “My grandma was very religious.”

“I don’t know if it was a sin, but it wasn’t love for me. Which was fine, except she felt more than that. And I felt like a big asshole. I was also watching Haze fall for Hatch. I mean, it was like she had it written on her forehead.”

My hand went to mine, thinking of my health issue. People seemed to be seeing that up there.

“I got into a panic, I think. I was losing Lulu, or I was pushing her away. I was losing Haze, my best friend. My mom was telling me to settle down and my cousin Ryan, who was the biggest player I knew, had gone nuts over a woman and they moved in together. I thought that I was missing out on something. Love, I guess. I felt like it was passing me by and I was going to end up alone, miserable.”

I imagined Tobin, miserable. He just wasn’t cut out for unhappiness.

“It was like I was having a pre-midlife crisis and I flipped out,” he kept explaining. “So I told Haze that I loved her and I thought we should be together.”

“She said no,” I guessed.

“She said that I was her best friend and she loved me. Like a friend would, like a sister would. Then she walked out of the door, straight over to John Hatcher. And really, I’m glad. She’s so happy with him and she made the right choice.”

“Does Lulu know about all that?”

“No.” He sighed. “No, we’re not good together and Haze doesn’t factor into that. It was fun to see her, though.” And his eyes flicked toward his bedroom. I’d definitely been right about them hooking up.

“Is Lulu going to think that you’re back together because you slept with her today?”

He stared at me. “How did you know we did that?”

I just shrugged. “Is she?”

“Shit, I hope not.” He looked down at his plate. “Yeah, probably. I was just a giant asshole again to her. What did I say about maturing so much? Never mind.”

I didn’t have to respond. He had been an asshole, that was the answer, but Lulu hadn’t been incapacitated or held down. She hadn’t been forced into the bedroom with him and no one had yanked off those skintight jeans and the shirt that had shown so much of her stomach and chest that I couldn’t understand how she hadn’t frozen to death. Except, I also understood wanting someone to love you and how you’d do a lot to make that happen. She probably hadn’t minded sleeping with him either, because I bet he was nice about everything.

“My mom keeps telling me to grow up,” he said. “That’s bad, right, if your mother is turning on you? Or that you’re worried about your mother turning on you?”

I shrugged again. Yes, all those things were bad, in my opinion. “What will you say to Lulu?”

“I’ll text her…” He watched my face. “Ok, I’ll call her and talk to her, and I’ll apologize. I’ll say it was a mistake and I’m very sorry. And I’ll tell her again that we’re not getting back together.” He hesitated. “Couldn’t it just be sex?”

I waited and didn’t say anything.

“No, you’re right. Hell, I shouldn’t have done that.”

This time I nodded, and got up to clear our plates.

“Did you ever play pinball?” Tobin asked me. “I used to with my dad in the arcade downtown. You know how the ball bounces around, rebounding off everything and out of control? That’s how I’ve been feeling, lately.”

I nodded, understanding. “I’ve felt like that before.”

“Is that what you’ll be doing when you move? You’ll pinball somewhere else?”

I gripped the sponge in my hand and suds overflowed. “No. I’m moving because I want to go someplace new.”