Page 31 of The Wrong Track

We walked toward the front door, very carefully now. “I’m sorry,” he told me again, and again I said that it wasn’t his fault. “I made you upset enough that you were distracted and you fell. Are you really ok?” He looked at my stomach. “Is the baby?”

“Everything is…” I watched as another car turned into his driveway and I recognized it from when it had been here before. It had pulled in several times since the day I’d shut the door in Lulu’s face. She’d stopped again because she’d been “passing by” or “in the neighborhood” and just happened to be in full hair and makeup. Or maybe she was that finished and beautiful all the time.

Lulu got out of the car in high-heeled boots and clicked her way over. “Hi, Toby!” She lit him up with a huge, gleaming smile and then put her hands on her hips, pulling back her coat so that Tobin got a good eyeful of her perfect, little body. And he looked, too.

“I’ll go see what she needs,” he said, and went to Lulu as she stood with her chest thrust out, chin up and smiling. She looked like she was posing for a picture, and she looked great.

I went inside and cleaned myself up from my fall. My knees were scraped as well as my palms but I felt ok, just stupid. And confused. I didn’t know why I’d started defending Kilian like that. He had hurt me, I knew it. He’d made me live by rules I hated but was too terrified to break. He’d also saved me, which Tobin didn’t know about. Without Kilian, I probably would have died.

My stomach twisted. No, within my stomach, that twisted. I looked down at it, watching the movement. Kilian had wanted this and had made it happen. I hadn’t had much to say about it.

“I’m going to make a beautiful baby,” he’d told me. “Take off your clothes.” He’d watched my cycle, too, until he was sure it was happening and then he made me pee on those sticks right in front of him and he’d watched to make sure that they came up positive.

“I’ll have a son,” he’d told me. “That’s a boy in there and I’ll teach him how to be a man.”

I’d looked at those plastic tests with horror, not wanting to believe it even though the two lines were clearly there.

Kilian had grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. “Put a smile on your pretty face,” he told me. “And if I see you take a drink or a hit, I’ll fucking kill you. This baby better be perfect.”

I’d nodded while thoughts about running away had flitted through my mind. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to.

I knew I’d never be able to get away. I looked down at my stomach. I never would.

Chapter 7

“Good grief. Are they seriously getting back together?”

I twisted, trying to stretch. “I don’t know.”

“How often is she there?” Hazel demanded. She didn’t sound mad, but she did sound upset, and I personally thought it wasn’t any of her business.

“I don’t know,” I said again, and twisted the other way. Why was she concerned? She’d had her chance with Tobin, hadn’t she? He’d poured out his heart and she’d turned him down. I felt a fire of anger that mixed with the upset stomach I also had, and it felt miserable.

Hazel sighed into the phone. “I want him to be happy,” she explained, “and I don’t think Lulu is right for him. I don’t think they’re right for each other. She always had him tied up in knots, like, manipulating him with tears and pouting and you name it. She led him around or made him chase after her.”

Not anymore, I thought. Now, from what I could see, it was Lulu who was doing all the chasing. And she was running after him hard. She was still showing up at the house when she happened to be “in the area,” and I also knew that she was on his phone all the time. I saw when she’d contacted him because his one eyebrow would go up and then he’d shake his head a little, not exactly pleased but not mad or anything.

“There’s nothing I can do about it, anyway, and I keep telling myself to stay out of their business,” Hazel said, and I thought that she should listen to her own advice. She did, also, because she changed the topic to badgering me about my health issues. “How are you doing?” she asked.

In general? I was fine, better than fine. I was in this nice house, I had a wonderful landlord who was fun and considerate. I really liked being with Tobin. I liked to hang out and talk, even to take walks again now that my knees had heeled up. He was a totally safe person, which I’d suspected before I moved in but now was sure of. He was also a generous, caring person. He had a broken leg and he’d still want to stop the car and help strangers change a tire on the side of the road. Or he’d mention that by mistake, he’d ordered a ladies’ size seven pair of running shoes, and did I want them?

“Just by mistake?” I’d asked.

“Yeah, and I guess they’re not returnable,” he’d casually answered. “Your shoes are a little worn out, so maybe you could use them.”

“You’re doing ok?” Hazel pressed through the phone.

“I’m ok,” I answered shortly. Because in general I was fine. But today? I was not great. I hung up with her and stood to try to get a better stretch because my back was really bothering me. I hadn’t slept well the night before, either, and maybe that was why I found everything so irritating. Everything, including the clothes I was wearing. I went into the bathroom and stripped them off and took a shower, trying to let the warm water soothe my skin.

“Was that you in the shower? Again?” Tobin asked me after I got dressed in more clothes that felt bad and came into the living room.

“Are you the shower police, too?” I snapped. Christ. “I’m sorry. I’m very sorry, Tobin.” I knew by now that he wasn’t going to do anything to me when I was sassy, but the immediate apology was instinctive. “I’m sorry.”

He waved it away with his hand. “Is your back still hurting?”

“Yeah, I guess,” I answered, and now he gestured me over to sit next to him in the other office chair he’d borrowed for the living room. His partner, Bill, had also been off patrol duty and had been coming over at times to review the cold case files. When he did, I stayed in my workroom because I didn’t like the way he looked at me. He stared, hard, and his eyes never left me.

“Still hurting here?” Tobin’s fingers massaged my lower back and I tried to bend forward to give him better access. He’d been giving me back rubs and usually it felt so good, and I enjoyed it so much—but not today.