Page 53 of The Wrong Track
But that wasn’t nice. I shouldn’t teach her to make fun of people. “Never mind. Lulu could become really big in Tobin’s life again. If that happens, you’ll…well, no, it won’t make a difference to you, not really. Because we do have to move away and you probably won’t see him very much, if ever. He’s going to get married and start his own family, like his mom wants.”
This line of conversation was making me so sad, I didn’t think I’d be able to get up off the couch if I kept going with it. “I could try running again,” I said to her. “Maybe.”
But we were still on the couch when Tobin got home a while later. I would have expected him to be relaxed after yoga—centered or something? But he looked very harassed and annoyed instead. “What is that thing on the porch?” he demanded but then shook his head. “Hi. Sorry.”
“Did yoga suck?” I answered, and then he smiled.
“Yes. Yes, yoga sucked.” He sat so he could kiss Ella, who was resting in her bouncy seat. “First of all, there’s no way in hell that I can get myself into those shapes. I’m not going to bend that way without some more broken bones. And mostly, my mom and I argued.”
“During yoga? I thought you were supposed to meditate while you were in those poses. I didn’t know they allowed talking.”
“She says a lot without words.” He sat next to me on the couch and rubbed his eyes. Then he leaned down and picked up my foot. “Did you go out running?”
“No.” I swallowed. “I thought about it. Your cousin dropped off that jogging stroller but I read that Ella is supposed to be bigger before she goes in it.” I paused. “And I don’t know if I can do it again,” I admitted.
“It will be a challenge,” he agreed.
“No, it’s going to be impossible. I used to be able to run through anything, blisters and chafing and bloody noses. I threw up during a race and kept going.” I rubbed my eyes.
“That shows a lot of a lot of fortitude. Inner strength.”
“I don’t think I have that now.” And maybe I hadn’t then, either, because when I’d needed to stand up, I hadn’t been anything like strong. I’d just laid myself down and asked to be stepped on.
And I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. “We could use the stroller for walks,” I said, when Tobin opened his mouth to speak again. “We can put her car seat in it and she can ride that way. We can go together.” I paused. “You know, if you want to.”
“You mean, since I’m such a poor yoga practitioner, you’d take me on a walk.” He reached and patted my foot. “Let’s try it out tomorrow.” He took his phone from his pocket and glanced at the screen, and I caught the look on his face.
“Is that your mom?” I asked.
“Lulu. She wants me to come over for dinner. She says she’ll cook.”
“That’s nice.”
Tobin shook his head. “Lulu is not someone who cooks and she’s never wanted to stay home unless we were…”
Yeah, got it.
“I don’t know what she’s up to,” Tobin concluded.
“What did you two eat if she didn’t cook? Because I know that you’re not such a—well, a—”
“Go on, say it,” he challenged me. “I’m useless in the kitchen. I’m not proud of it,” he said, but he grinned. “Actually, I don’t remember eating too much with Lulu.”
Because they were busy screwing. Yeah, got it! “Maybe she’s changing. Like how you said you were growing up.”
He shrugged. “Maybe so.”
“What was your mom upset about? Lulu?”
“No.” But he didn’t explain, so I kept asking. Tobin wouldn’t get mad, he would only say that he didn’t want to talk. He wouldn’t hit me and tell me to shut the fuck up.
“Was it about us living here with you? She seemed to like Ella a lot.”
“She loved Ella,” he agreed, and then collected the baby out of the seat. “Hi, peanut. Want to help me clean the gutters?”
So we got involved in an argument about him being on a ladder with his boot cast, how that wouldn’t be happening and he certainly wouldn’t be taking the baby up there with him. He wouldn’t have done that anyway, but it was kind of fun to argue. I knew he wouldn’t ever get too mad if I was sassy, not for real.
But Tobin did get stubborn, and he did that night. “Yes,” he told me. “Yes, we are.”