Page 70 of The Wrong Track

And I also agreed to help Annie out with the rest of the stuff for her clients, all the sewing that she swore she needed me and only me to do, and we both had to carry the fabric to my new car. It wasn’t quite as roomy as the old one I’d borrowed from Hatch so it was a close fit to squeeze it all in, but we did it. I actually hadn’t quite understood the number of things she’d wanted me to make for her and had only gotten the full picture after we’d managed to clear away the erectile stuff from her documents. It was going to take me a while, a long while, to complete it all.

“That’s ok! Take as long as you need,” Annie told me, smiling.

But I wasn’t sure how I was going to get it done before we had to leave, even with Ella hanging out with our neighbor, Mrs. Schumer. I stopped on the way home to pick up the baby.

“Hi, peanut,” I said, reaching happily for her. I hugged her little body and breathed in her sweet smell. Very sweet, because the babysitter was very quick with the diaper changes.

“She’s the cutest little thing,” Mrs. Schumer told me. “She reminds me so much of her father.”

I froze. “What?”

“Of Tobin,” she answered, smiling. “She seems to have his good humor. Don’t you think? Oh, I forgot. You’re only roommates.”

“Yes, her father is…” I shook my head. “He’s gone.”

“Well, it happens,” she said. “Sometimes it works out better that way.”

I answered something noncommittal about the weather and got us out of there. Ella had become a very happy little peanut, except when she was in her car seat. But Tobin wasn’t in a good humor at all, not since I’d told him that I wouldn’t marry him. How could I blame him? I was taking Ella away from him. But how could I stay?

“We can’t,” I whispered to her, steeling myself for when he came home.

“Hi,” he briefly said to me after he’d washed up, but then he did smile when his eyes moved to the baby. “Hi, peanut,” he told her, just like I had. “I missed you today. Know what I did? Answered phones. I bet you were busy trying to catch those silly toes, pooping, and making Mrs. Schumer fall in love with you. Right?” He carried her off and I stood alone, swallowing hard. Then I went into the kitchen to make dinner, because I still owed him that, at least.

“It’s ready,” I called a while later, but Tobin didn’t answer. I went to find them and they were in the rocking chair that Annie had loaned to us after having it painted, from blue to pink. I stood and watched them reading together. He paused to kiss her head after every few words.

He paused again when he saw me and repeated his brief greeting. “Hi.”

“Dinner’s ready. I made chicken with spinach and tomatoes.”

He nodded. “She likes this book about the monkeys. She likes when I make chimp noises.”

“Ok.” This was more than he’d spoken to me in days, though, so I wanted to keep it going. “The monkey book is a good one.”

“Will you remember that? You can make the noises for her when you’re gone. Will you remember? It’s this one with the banana on the cover.”

My throat tightened as I watched him kiss her head again, so I nodded.

“I heard you tell Haze that you have enough for a security deposit. Is it a good building? Adequate lighting? Strong locks on the doors and windows?”

I nodded again. “I’ll be careful.” I stepped closer. “I won’t let anything happen to her. I’m glad you’re talking to me, that you’re not mad at me.”

“I wasn’t mad. I’m just disappointed. And I’m worried, not because I think you can’t handle taking care of her, but…so much can happen.”

I knew that. “I won’t let anything happen to her,” I repeated, and I was going to try my best.

“I’m not going to paint over her name,” Tobin said. We both looked at the fancy, pink “Ella Margaret” on the wall, surrounded by flowers. “When you come back to visit, this will still be her room.”

I tried to swallow again but it totally stuck. I knelt down in front of the rocker to touch the baby, to hold her little leg for comfort.

“Will you come back to visit? Will you talk to me when you’re gone?” he asked, and I nodded. “You didn’t talk to your family in Virginia when you left them.”

“That was different. They don’t want to see me anymore,” I said. I’d tried one time, one time I’d gotten a phone and had called my sister. She had told me that she hated me. Yelled it, actually. Then she’d hung up.

“Why don’t they want to see you? Do they blame you for Kilian? Someone needs to explain to them that it wasn’t your fault.”

“Do you know why I said that we shouldn’t get married?” I asked him.

“It’s because you think that I don’t trust you.” Tobin shook his head like he was angry. “Haze used to help me with my English papers. Even though she’s two years behind me in school, she was better at getting the ideas out, she could make everything say what I wanted it to. There’s a lot I want to say to you, Remy, but I don’t know how. Like, it’s not a lack of trust. I can see in everything you do how much you love this little peanut and how you’d never hurt her.” He put down the monkey book to cup his palm around my cheek. “But I worry so much about you two. You’ve had too much on you. You need support, you need someone steady. I want that person to be me.”