Page 20 of Heartache Duet

I tried to reach for it, but my belt was on tight.

So tight.

So hot.

That’s when the tears came.

I remember the way the belt cut into me when I kept reaching for the car, over and over.

I squirmed.

I screamed.

I remember how my tears felt on the palms of my hands. Warm and wet.

I remember the marks those tears left on the windows. Handprints dragged down in desperation.

I remember the pain in my chest, the ache in my throat from crying her name, over and over.

Mama! Mama! Mama!

I remember the heat.

God, I remember the heat.

Like a fire burning inside me.

I remember the thickness of the air in my throat.

The sweat in my eyes.

And I remember the exact moment my body started to shut down.

To give in.

Give up.

I remember the heaviness of my eyelids.

The weakness in my limbs.

The anguish.

The despair.

I remember those last moments.

The world as a blur.

Right before it was coated in darkness.

I’m in a daze when I come to, eyes wet and weary as I watch the ball bounce away from me and into Ava’s arms. Fuck. I’d forgotten where I was, and worse? I’d forgotten who I was with.

I fold in on myself, exhausted, every muscle in my body screaming for reprieve.

But I’m not ready.

Not yet.