Page 88 of Good Girl Fail

Auden sat next to him and ran the warm washcloth along Len’s chest and abdomen, cleaning him up with a tenderness that surprised him. “We made a mess.”

“Dudes are messy,” Len said, helping with the cleanup process and then pulling the blanket to his waist.

Auden’s gaze flicked up to his, and he tossed the washcloth aside. “Thisis messy.”

Len exhaled. “Yeah. I know. And if this went too far, if in the heat of the moment—”

“Shut the hell up, please,” Auden said, a little smile softening the firm tone. “I know I don’t have the best track record, but I’m not saying that to take back what I said. Or what we just did. My attraction to you isn’t new.”

The words were like a thunderclap in Len’s head.

“This has never been an I’m-afraid-I’m-bisexual thing,” Auden said, a tired note in his voice. “I kept the lines drawn because two guys who live together and have threesomes can still be called roommates. Two guys who are living together and also sleeping with each other are in a relationship. And neither of us is good at those.” He glanced toward the darkened window and squinted. “And I…”

Lennox was still processing the first part when Auden’s words drifted off. “And what?”

Auden sighed and looked back to him, a pained expression on his face. “And this makes me feel like a dick but…just you and I, I mean…”

Awareness dawned and Len smirked. “Aud, are you trying to tell me I’m not enough?”

His nose wrinkled. “That’s not what I—”

Len lifted a hand, cutting him off. “Stop. I know it’s hard to see past that truly enormous ego of yours sometimes, but you do realize that I wasn’t doing threesomes with you just to get the chance to touch your dick every now and then, right?”

He blinked.

Len snorted. “Aud, I love you. And you’re fucking hot, and sex with you is great. But we’re poly. Both of us know how many things light up on our circuit boards when we share a woman.” His heart sank as a wave of melancholy hit him. “Well, not justawoman. I don’t think that’s going to work as well anymore. Nothing lit us up like being withher.Youwere different with her. Fully yourself in a way you aren’t with other women.”

Auden scraped a hand over his jaw. “Believe me, I know. Even when we were kids, she always had this way of seeing right through my bullshit. Like I’d put on this I’m-the-older-brother act around her and my sister, and she would just cut me off at the knees. She didn’t let me get away with anything.” He groaned. “And she wassucha goody-goody. Once, when I was like thirteen, we were at church camp together, and she caught me trying a cigarette with this girl, who of course, I was trying to impress. God, O’Neal would’ve been like ten or something, but she wassopissed. I was terrified she was going to tell on me, so I promised her I’d give her anything to keep it a secret. The chocolate bars I’d smuggled in from home. My Nintendo. She could name her price.”

Lennox laughed. “What’d she ask for?”

Auden’s gaze went soft, and a little smile played at his lips. “She wanted me to teach her to swim better because she was getting beat in all the relays, and the other girls were teasing her about it.”

“Ha. That tracks. That one has a competitive streak.”

“Yeah, and she knew it was a big ask but that she held all the cards,” Auden said. “So every morning that summer, when I should’ve been sleeping in, I woke up at the crack of dawn and went to the lake so I could teach her. She was lapping the other girls in the races by the end of camp.” He gave Len a wry look. “And a few days after we got home, she left one of those big yellow mailing envelopes on my bed. She’d printed out all this stuff about what smoking does to your body and gross photos of cancer. She’d put a note on top that said,You scared me. Don’t do that again. If you die, who else is going to teach me the backstroke next summer?”

“Damn.”

“Yeah, I felt like a complete ass. She’d lost her mom, and now I was doing things that she saw as life-threatening.” He shook his head. “And it worked. I never smoked again. Hell, anytime I’ve been faced with some decision like that since, I think of her. I never wanted to scare her again. I wanted to like, make her proud or something.”

Len’s chest filled with warmth. “Did you teach her the backstroke the next summer?”

Auden rolled his eyes. “Of course I did. Even without blackmail hanging over me. I’m such a sucker for…”

“Her.”

Auden sighed. “Yeah. For her. She’s…dammit.”He gave Len a helpless look. “I really do love her.”

Lennox breathed in the admission.Thank God. They were finally on the same page. “Yeah. Glad you caught up, genius.”

“And I fucking miss her. Not only in our bed but justher,in my life.” The words were spilling out of him now. “Our lives.”

“Agree, one hundred percent,” Len said, some of the weight he’d been carrying over the last few weeks lifting off his shoulders.

“But we can’t do this to her,” he finished.

Annnnd we’re back.“Do what? Love her? Take care of her? Be great boyfriends? Give her great sex?” Lennox asked. “Because I think we damn well can.”