Page 57 of A Heart That’s True

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I’m so busy watching for an available cab that I don’t notice that the Escalade has pulled up next to me until the door opens and Luke gets out.

We both stare at each other.

“Luke.”

“Kate.”

I raise my eyebrows. A cab has stopped behind the SUV. I look past Luke to it. He shuts the front passenger door, then opens the back. Whatever, I was on my way home anyhow. This will save me thirty bucks. I look cautiously in the back, relaxing when I see it’s empty. I crawl in and Luke gets in next to me. This is new. He doesn’t say anything to me, it’s just as well. I have nothing to say to him. I notice a small bruise and cut on his cheekbone. This causes a stab of regret. I’m sure his cut was from the tall Elvis.

When the SUV turns onto Las Vegas Boulevard, I’m almost surprised. I thought I might go directly to the airport. The closer the car gets to The Upper House, the more upset I get. My emotions run from anger to hurt to betrayal. Cole has told me over and over he loves me and wants me with him. We made a huge scene with my family because he wanted me here. Why, all the sudden, does he think I should go back to Crystal Falls? Maybe Olivia is right, and he’s tired of me. I’ve been nothing but trouble since we came back. I replay the limo scene in my head. Why, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t tell her. This makes my heart hurt. Why would he let her get away with saying those things to me, and those things about him? That’s all it takes, and the wall I had tried so hard to fortify with mine and Cole’s love breaks, and my insecurities sweep through me. My resolve crumbles, and I let them consume me. By the time we pull up to the villa entrance, I feel like I’ve broken into pieces. Luke opens the door and gets out, holding it for me. I glance past him. Cole isn’t there.

Then I look at Luke. “He’s waiting upstairs for you.” I can’t seem to make myself move. I sit there for several minutes, gathering my courage. Luke doesn’t rush me or say anything. He simply stands and waits. I search inside myself and grasp hold of the only thing that will get me through the next little while. I make a decision and somehow, I find the will to move, and Luke helps me out of the car, then follows me up to the villa. We walk in together. Cole’s on the phone. “Thank you. No, they just walked in, no that won’t be necessary. Thank you again.”

I walk down the stairs. All the bags and boxes are gone. But the Louis Vuitton suitcase and carry-on are sitting by the stairs. I stop next to them. I glance over and see that Luke has followed me down the stairs.

Cole ends his call. We stand there staring at each other. His eyes rake over my body. I’m not sure what he’s doing. He’s stoic, emotion completely devoid from his face. Not even his vein pulses. The only noise is the tick of the clock. I look at it. It’s just after three. I take my hat off, letting it drop to the floor. I’m hot, sticky, dirty, tired, angry, sad and I’m hungry. I unzip the sweatshirt and take it off, laying it over my suitcase. I look around the room, noticing my broken sling backs laying on the dining room table. Guess that guy is out twenty bucks. I have so many emotions running through me, but the main one is fear. Fear that Cole is making me leave, that he doesn’t love me. That Olivia is right. I see his jaw as it pulses. “Kate.”

I hold up my hand, stopping him, making my voice as even and calm as I can. “No, don’t. You’re right. I want to go home. It will give me some time to sort everything out, to put the house up for sale. Spend time with my family, especially Kurt.”

Cole rakes a hand through his hair. I can tell it’s not the first time tonight he’s done it. He nods and turns away from me.

I walk evenly and calmly to the bedroom, shutting the door softly, but once behind the safety of the door, my resolve breaks. I run into the bathroom, slamming the door, and flipping the lock. My body goes limp and I sink to the floor, but I stop myself. Cole started it and I finished it. Maybe with time apart, we’ll be able to sort things out; see that we really do love each other. That we didn’t fall too fast. I don’t believe it. If I truly want Cole and me to succeed, I can’t. I don’t want to go, but it seems there’s no other choice. Cole wants me to go, so I’ll do it willingly. I’ve been too much of a distraction for him, having to come and find me, so he has to reschedule business meetings. Wanting his time, I’m burden. I need to go; it’s for the best. I force myself to move and walk over to the bathtub, turning it on. I peel myself out of the white dress. My chest and stomach are a blue, sticky mess. I pour bath oil and bubble bath into the tub, then climb in. I try washing my hair, but it’s all tangled. So, I pour half the bottle of conditioner on it and let it sit. My skin is stained a blue color, and no matter how much I scrub, it doesn’t come off. Finally, I give up. I pull my knees up to my chest. I try to keep the tears at bay, but they blur my vision and slide down my cheeks. I’ve made such a mess of things. I thought love was supposed to conquer all.

The door rattles, then opens. I put my face in my knees, sniffing back my tears. Cole doesn’t say anything to me, and I don’t dare look at him. The water sloshes, and Cole slides into the tub with me. His hands caress my back, causing me to shiver at his touch. This doesn’t help my resolve and I start to cry again. He takes a washcloth and washes me. He washes my neck, my back, he gently fingers my hair until the tangles are gone and then rinses the conditioner out of it. His lips brush against my back, trailing kisses across it. The sensation he produces in me is startling. My emotions are fragile, raw. I gasp from his tender touch. A touch I may not have much longer. This thought sends a shiver through me, and it takes every ounce of self-preservation I have left inside me not to cry.

“Kate,” Cole’s voice trembles, a mere whisper. I’m wounded and broken. I fell too fast. I didn’t look ahead to see the possible repercussions. All I saw was Cole. He’s still all I see. How will I survive without him in my life? He’s filled every corner of my soul.

“Kate, talk to me, please.”

“What time does my flight leave?” Cole’s hands wrap around my waist, and he pulls me backwards to him.

“At ten, tomorrow morning.”

I push the lump in my throat down. “Okay, I’ll be ready.” My voice is raw.

“Kate, I need you to know. You mean everything to me.” How can he say those words and still want me to leave? I feel a spark of anger, but it’s consumed by my sorrow and broken spirit. I tighten my arms around my knees. “Will you please let me be?” I breathe.

Cole places one last kiss on my back and gets out of the tub. Once he’s gone, I let everything I’ve been holding on to go. I hold my hands over my face, so Cole won’t hear my heart breaking sobs.

When I come out of the bathroom, Cole’s asleep in bed. I stand there watching his chest rise and fall. I’m flooded with the memories of this room and this bed, our bed. I gave Cole a piece of my soul in this bed. I can’t bring myself to crawl in with him. I walk into the kitchen, pouring a bowl of cereal. I’m hungry, but just looking at it makes my stomach queasy.

I hear Olivia’s voice in my head, ‘you’ll regret it,’ ‘I know you darling,’ ‘how is she any different?’ She did it. Somehow, Olivia got into Cole’s head and twisted the truth. Her venomous words poison my mind all over again. ‘fat, ugly, nothing of a woman, a bottom feeder.’ I slide down the counter onto the kitchen floor. I did this to myself. If I hadn’t complained, If I hadn’t gone shopping alone, if I just took everything Cole gave me without complaint, maybe this wouldn’t be happening. I wouldn’t have to leave. More tears sting my hot cheeks; is there no limit? Is there no mercy for my breaking heart? I roll onto my knees and lay my burning cheek against the cold tile floor. I’m lying on the kitchen floor like the fat, ugly, nothing, bottom feeder I am. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to shut out tonight from my memory, trying to shut out my existence.

Cool hands stroke my cheek, pushing my damp hair away from my face. I gasp and shudder with surprise, turning my head. Cole wasn’t asleep. Why? He drags me to my feet, then picks me up, carrying me to the sofa. He sits me down. I watch him pull off his t-shirt. He sits next to me, grabbing at the hem of my shirt; all my resolution is gone, I have no fight left. He gathers the fabric at my back and pulls the shirt over my head, dragging it down my arms. He hitches me up and over, so I’m straddling him. Cole moves his arms around my back, pressing me into him. One of his hands tangles in my hair. The other keeps our flesh molded together.

I don’t understand what he’s doing.

“No more tears, no more crying. I can’t bear it.” His hand moves from my hair and he cups my face, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. “I don’t want you to go, I just thought…It doesn’t matter what I thought. You’re not going anywhere. I’m canceling your flight.”

Now he feels sorry for me because I’m such a baby and can’t deal with the fact he doesn’t want me here. I hiccup and my lip quivers, I bite down on it to hold in my sobs. But a small whimper escapes. I try to climb off Cole, but he holds me tight.

“No, now you’re feeling sorry for me. I’m going, let me go.” I weep.

“I’m sorry, Kate. I’m so sorry. I love you. You don’t think this is tearing me up inside, too? I almost lost my mind when you jumped out of the limo. Those were the longest four hours of my life. I need you safe, my god, if anything ever happened to you…” Cole’s voice cracks.

I surrender to those three words, and my heart is calmed, and my soul is stilled. I lay my head down on Cole’s shoulder. Three words. I love you. I just hope that they will be my salvation and not my undoing.