Page 58 of Blush

He clears his throat. “Can we talk?”

“Look. I gave you the chance to talk last night. You clammed up. I can’t be your…”

He yawns. “My what?”

“Your…consolation prize, okay?”

“Mandy Cake…”

I shake my head. “Damn it!”

“Sorry,” he says, a yawn splitting his face once more.

“Get out.”

Did those words just spew from my mouth? Never in my life have I imagined giving Jackson that command. But you know what? I mean it.

He stills. “Out of your room?”

“Out of my apartment, Jack. Go.”

“It’s the middle of the night, Mandy.”

“So? You’ve got a car. You’ve got a place—which, by the way, is about three times the size of this one. Go home, Jackson.”

“Mandy…” He closes his eyes, rubs his forehead.

“I mean it.”

Still, he doesn’t move.

And I begin to relent. My God, I have the world’s biggest soft spot for this guy.

“Fine. You don’t have to leave. But you do need to get out of my room. I made a perfectly good bed for you in the other room.”

“Fine. You’re right. See you in the morning.” He shuffles out.

And I feel…

I should feel empowered. I stood up for myself. Made it clear that he couldn’t use me when he’s upset. That if he’s not going to tell me what’s wrong, he can get the hell out.

But all I feel is…

Loss.

Profound fucking loss.

…

Roger wakes me up the next morning—Saturday—to let me know it’s time for him to go out.

I sit up and stretch my arms above my head. Is Jack still here? Why didn’t he take Roger out?

I want to talk to him about what’s bothering him, yet for the first time, I also don’t. I’m angry. So angry that what happened between us meant nothing to him.

“Okay, boy,” I say to Roger. “Come on, sweetie.”

I rise, shove my feet into my slippers, and head into the main room. My bedroom is kind of the size of a large closet.