Page 38 of Unforgivable Sins

I manage to stand, my stomach protesting with a sharp pain as I stretch my body. Fuck. Maybe I needed more than just one day of rest between nights with this beast. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the stomach with a fucking knife. Close enough, I’ve been stabbed with a punishingly, beautiful dick. That thing is a weapon of pleasurable destruction.

I shuffle quietly around the room, picking up my clothing so I can get dressed and get back home. I never intended to stay here last night, but after hours of relentless attention from Sinn, I literally passed the fuck out. I’m thankful he allowed me to take up space in his bed once more. Like I said last time, I know what this is and what this isn’t. This isn’t a,let’s cuddle and have pillow talk afterwards, type of arrangement. It’s not my first go-round, but I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that somewhere deep down inside of me, I do wish that it was different.

I want Sinn in a way that I’ve never wanted anyone else. My upbringing has pretty much dulled me to normal feelings and normal human connections. I have no problem being alone because I have been for most of my life. But even now, as a jaded and cold adult, I can’t help but want what I’ve never had. What would it be like to truly connect on a deeper level than just sex with someone? What would it be like to have someone who understands me? Who sees me for who I am underneath all of my scars? What would it be like to have someone actually choose me? Put me first and care about me?

Maybe that’s just a fairytale.

A dream I’m desperate to have amongst the all-consuming nightmares.

A lie.

I take one last lingering look at the man I feel a connection to, a connection I know is only one-way, before I walk out of the bedroom and quietly close the door behind me.

I make my way to the elevator and down to the dark and eerily silent bar. It’s so strange to see a place in a way that it’s not meant to be seen. It’s like having a magician showing you the truth behind the illusion. It takes the magic away.

I wonder if I’m currently the magician and Sinn is the onlooker. He’s currently entranced, in awe of something he sees and wants, but what happens once he’s seen all my truth? What happens once he gets all he wants out of me? He’ll tire of me and throw me back into the crowd. Just like all the others have done in the past.

The streets and sidewalks are oddly empty as I exit the bar. There’s a hush over the city like I’ve never felt before. Then again, when was the last time I was out on the streets at 4:00 a.m.? It’s past clubbing time and not quite time for the early business men and women to be bustling about. Maybe this is the time when the city does actually sleep. Well, everyone but me obviously.

My heels click loudly against the concrete as I walk as quickly as possible. The sound seems to echo off of the buildings and empty alleyways I pass, like a fucking calling card to a creep or psychopath waiting for exactly this situation to happen. The alleyways look more ominous than usual, and an uneasy dread swallows up my aching stomach. I glance over my shoulder as I quicken my pace, the tingling feeling of eyes watching me raises the hair at the back of my neck. Am I being watched? Followed? I adjust my apartment keys so that I’m holding them between my knuckles. I should have just stayed at Sinn’s for a couple more hours. Seriously, my decision making is shit.

I finally make it into my apartment building and let out a relieved breath. The familiarity of the building eases my tension as I walk into the elevator and the doors lock me safely inside. The elevator pings on the fifth floor and the doors rattle open. Unlike the elevator at Sinn’s, this elevator is a little worse for wear. I half walk, half jog down the hall to my apartment door. I feel safer inside but I still have that lingering, dreadful feeling that I’m being followed.

My hand shakes as I try to get the key inside the lock. “Come on, Dee, get it together,” I mumble to myself.

I hear the lock click and I push the door in, hurrying inside. As I turn to shut it behind me, a large hand slams against it, keeping it open. My heart leaps into my throat, cutting off my scream and turning it into a pathetic little yelp as I jump back and away from the door. A giant yet familiar silhouette fills up the doorway and then steps inside. I’m immediately surrounded by the smell of leather, bourbon, and sex.

He swings the door closed and it slams behind him as he continues to stalk toward me. I keep walking backward, away from his threatening energy, until the back of my thighs hit my bed, and I fall onto it. The only light coming into the space, is from the street lights through the open window, making it impossible to make out any details of his face or body. All I can see is a reflection from his eyes and feel his anger radiating off of him. And it’s directed atme.

“Do you have a final death wish, Wendee?” His voice is a whisper but it rattles with his anger.

I have to strain my neck to look up at him. He’s impossibly tall and this position only makes it extremely clear how large and terrifying he is. How easily he overwhelms me.

“No,” I whisper shakily up at him.

He reaches a hand out and grabs my jaw, his hand almost covering my face entirely. His one hand alone could smother me and suffocate me. “Then why the fuck do you keep insisting on walking through the city, at night, where anything can happen to you?”

“I—”

“Are you that eager to get away from me?”

I can’t quite make out the look in his eyes, they’re too hidden by shadows, but I can see them darting frantically between mine. They’re seekingsomething, an answer to a question, but I have no idea which one.

“No, I just… It’s just that…,” I stammer, caught in his harsh grip, and trying to process how he’s here.Whyis he here? “I didn’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“So, you thought you’d just leave in the middle of the goddamned night? Alone,” he says, through clenched teeth. “You thought that was a good idea?”

I swallow down my fear and manage to shake my head.

“This is thesecondtime I’ve had to follow you home and make sure you got here safely. Do you have any idea the type of monsters that are out there just waiting for someone like you to walk right into their trap? I may be a certain kind of monster myself, Wendee, but make no mistake about it, despite what you’ve seen and what you might think, I’m not the worst kind out there.”

He grips my chin a little tighter before he lets go. He stalks back over to the front door. I think he’s going to storm out of here just as quickly as he stormed in, so I’m caught off guard when he only turns the lights on. He turns around to face me again and he looks so out of place in my tiny apartment. His body and his energy are taking up too much space, too much air, and I feel like I can’t breathe. He’s so angry I can feel it coming off of him in waves as he stands across the room and glowers at me. His fists are clenched tightly at his sides. The familiar Wendee stance.

I know he told me he doesn’t hate me, and I should believe him, but seeing him like this sure makes it hard to see anything else. But if I look hard enough, if I look past the cold exterior, I see the fire in his eyes. It’s hidden deep within his icy blues, but it’s there. A fire so fucking hot it’s bound to burn me alive. And I don’t know which option terrifies me more.

Freezing to death?

Or burning alive?