Page 64 of Unforgivable Sins
Sinn is kneeling on the floor in front of me where I’m now sitting up on the couch. His face is inches away from mine and he’s studying me like you would study an abstract piece of art in a gallery. With awe and confusion and intrigue but underlying all of that, I see his concern.
“I’m sorry, I must have passed out while I was waiting for you. I don’t really remember sitting down, or falling as—”
“Wendee.”
My name. Just my name on his lips is the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. That’s all he has to say to ensnare me. His tone is an order. One not to be disregarded. His eyes demand attention. MY attention. And who am I to deny this wicked king my attention?
“You know, I’ve always hated my name. I’ve gone by Dee for as long as I can remember. Everyone calls me Dee, too, everyone except you. And I’ve never loved the sound of my name more than when it comes from your lips.”
My eyes drop to his lips. They’re lush and beautiful. They’re the only feature of his face that aren’t hard and masculine. But right now, they’re pressed into a flat line, no trace of a smile or anything to hint that what I just said meant anything to him.
He removes a hand from my hold and his fingers grip my chin, tilting my face up, forcing my eyes to meet his. His thick brows are pulled together but not in his normal scowl. No, the wicked king is definitely worried. About me.
“Your name is beautiful, Wendee, just like the rest of you. And you deserve to be called by a full, beautiful name, not just some half ass version that belongs to someone else. I don’t wantDee. I want you, Wendee.”
“You only want me temporarily. You don’t want me forever. Just like everyone else in my life. You’re no different. I thought you could be but I was wrong,” I whisper, as the tears finally win the battle and run down my cheeks.
He grabs my face more solidly this time, his thumbs brushing my tears away as quickly as they fall. “Wendee, what are you talking about? What has you acting like this?”
His concern sounds so genuine but it’s just another lie. Another beautiful façade to distract me until he lands the final killing blow. I close my eyes again, trying to center myself and gather whatever strength I have left. I feel like I’ve been fighting my whole life. Fighting an uphill battle that I was never destined to win. Why do I keep fighting when it’s utterly hopeless? Why do I keep expecting people to be different, to be better, when they’re not?
I inhale deeply and open my eyes to meet his again. “The Crocodile paid me another visit.”
Sinn’s entire demeanor turns rigid and cold. His scowl is back, and his jaw tightens with his anger. “And what did my uncle want?”
“What did he want?” I seethe. “Unlike you, he wanted me to know the truth. The WHOLE truth. I don’t have to spend an eternity in Hell. I can choose to stay right here, with you, but that’s not what YOU want. Is it, Sinn?
Before he can argue or come to his own defense with his perfectly distracting lies, I continue my outburst.
“You don’t give a shit about me. You never did,” I pull his hands off my face again. “You’ve always known who I am and what THIS is,” I gesture between us, “you always knew that I’m nothing more than a means to an end!”
My anger and hurt are bubbling out of me, and I can’t control it. I don’t want to control it. I want him to know that I know how he feels. “You didn’t tell me about the loophole because you don’t want me. You want your shadow wings. And I don’t blame you but…I can’t help but hate you, too.” My voice breaks on the last few words, my hurt outweighing my anger.
Sinn rocks back on his heels, a look of shock on his face as if I physically slapped him. Which I wouldn’t mind doing.
“Is that what you truly believe?”
I scoff. “It’s the truth, Sinn. Whatever you’re doing with me, it might be fun for you, it might be a nice little distraction from the monotony of your life, until you get your shadow wings back, but it’s not just FUN for me. And I’m done letting you use me.” I move to stand but his strong fingers wrap around my wrist and tug me back down to the couch, hard.
“You’re not fucking leaving until you hear the truth, the WHOLE truth, as you so indignantly stated. My uncle is the Prince of Lies, Wendee. Does that mean anything to you?”
I don’t hear what he’s trying to tell me. I’m too riled up to really listen to his words. “So, he lied to me about being able to stay here?” I yank out of his grip and cross my arms defensively as I battle with him.
“No.”
I scoff again, ready to unleash more of my anger on him, but he continues before I can. “But he didn’t tell you everything about making that choice.”
A small sliver of doubt starts to creep in with his words. More half-truths and misdirection. Why do people keep trying to manipulate me? My head is spinning from trying to keep up and all I want is the goddamned truth! All of it!
“What do you mean?” I ask, giving him all of my attention now and not just my defensive anger.
“My uncle, The Crocodile, is the Prince of Lies. What does that name mean to you?” He repeats.
“The Prince of Lies,” I echo, softly. It comes to me slowly at first and then crashes into me like a freight train with no breaks. I gasp, my mouth making a shockedOof surprise. “Oh, my, Go…” I cut myself off from saying the name. “He’s…he’s the devil,” I look up into Sinn’s eyes as yet another truth bomb hits its target.
“Yes, Wendee. He calls himself Samuel as a play on Samael. He thinks he’s clever.” Sinn rolls his eyes. “We call him The Crocodile because he camouflages himself in his surrounding and hunts, finding his unsuspecting and helpless victims, and then he attacks out of nowhere, dragging souls, down, down, down into the pits of Hell.”
I sink into the couch cushions, once more completely knocked off guard and defeated. Another thought comes to mind, making a connection that I didn’t understand before.