Page 145 of Wild
When I slide in the driver’s seat Kira is already passed out snoring. I turn the radio up and crack the window so cold air blows in to keep me awake during the drive.
There’s little to no traffic so it doesn’t take nearly as long as usual to get from the city to home. I drop her off at her apartment, basically dragging her up the stairs.
I leave a note, letting her know I’m driving her car to my place since I don’t feel comfortable walking the streets this late and that I’ll bring it back .
Parking in front of my apartment building I turn the car off but sit there for a few minutes, looking at the snow covering the ground, now dirty and gross, and the streetlights which normally look magical to me now seem to be just something in the way.
I hate being so mopey. It’s not me. I always bounced back quickly from my previous relationships because I didn’t love them—yeah those relationships made me weary of pursuing others, but I didn’t feel this deep yearning ache in the center of my chest like I do now.
Feeling like this … it sucks. I want to rant and rage, but I know it’ll do no good. No matter how much I cry or scream it won’t bring Hollis back.
I chose him.
I chose him over my father, over my family, but in the end, he didn’t chooseme.
The car grows icy since I turned the engine off, no heat blowing in my face. With reluctance I get out and head inside.
I open the door and startle at the golden light flickering inside.
Puzzled, I stare at all the candles lit throughout the space—on the counters, on the floor, on shelves, the coffee table, and even the windowsill. They’re everywhere.
Without turning around, I close the door behind me. I don’t lock it, though I don’t imagine many robbers break in and light candles.
“Hello?” I call out.
“I’ve been waiting for you.”
I gasp as Hollis steps out of the shadows. He looks exactly as I remember, why I expect him to have changed in a week is beyond me—maybe it’s because Ifeelso different.
“You’re … you’rehere. In Winchester. In my apartment. I thought you were in L.A.?”
The golden light of the hundreds of candles flickers over his face. “I didn’t go back to L.A. I went to see my mom. I … I needed to see her. I suppose I needed to talk to someone who was my family, who felt like home … like you do to me. She reminded me of things, and an old friend too. You know, I’ve struggled with thinking I don’t deserve you, that because of the way I’ve acted in the past I’m not worthy of you, but I also know no one will ever love you the way I love you. Wholly. Completely. You’re it for me Mia. I’m sorry I let what happened with your dad drive me away. I guess I … No, IknowI was terrified one day you’d either regret me or you’d choose him over me, and I couldn’t live with either option, so I removed myself from the equation.”
I close the distance between us and shove his shoulders, tears clouding my vision. “Why?” I raise my voice. “Why couldn’t you talk to me? To listen?”
“I don’t know.” He shakes his head. “Fear. Weakness, I guess.”
“I needed you, and youleft.”
“I know.” His eyes close and when they open, I see pain there. Pain I’m sure he can see reflecting in my eyes as well. “I’ll never forgive myself for it either. I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I was an idiot.”
“Yeah, youarean idiot,” I tell him.
“Are you angry with me?” he asks softly.
“I wish I was,” I confess. “But I love you too much.”
He reaches out and cups my cheek. I swallow past the lump in my throat and lean into his touch.
“You’re real,” I breathe.
He chuckles. “Yes, baby I’m real.”
“I kind of thought maybe I was dreaming.”
He laughs. “I’m better than any dream.”
I shake my head. “Always so cocky. I found your present for my birthday, you know,” I confess.