Page 98 of Touch of Hate

Never, ever in my life did I think a time would come when Ren would look at me the way he is now—hungry, needy—and I would do anything but melt and fall into his arms. I mean, this is all I ever wanted. For him to want me back. For us to be open and honest about our feelings instead of having to hide them from the rest of the world.

But for fuck's sake, he hasn't even showered. There’s still dried blood on his knuckles and under his nails. Nothing like what I saw in the woods, but too much of a reminder for me to be in the mood now.

My mouth is so dry I can barely speak. “What do you want?”

“You're telling me you don't know?” He stops a few feet away from me, cupping his obvious erection with one hand. “I want you to get on your knees and put this in your mouth. You’re going to suck me off.”

“I don't know...” I hedge, biting my lip. “I'm really exhausted. Maybe not tonight.”

His head snaps back almost like I hit him. He's that stunned. “Are you serious?”

“Yes,” I whisper.

“Who told you there was a choice?”

No, this isn't happening. He is not doing this. It was one thing to tie me up and drive me crazy with that bullet since I didn't exactly ask for that, either.

But this is different. At least when he did that, he had my pleasure in mind, even if it wasn't my idea.

This is completely about him taking what he wants without regard for me. And he still sounds like he hates me. None of this is right.

“Because you know…” I shrink against the wall when he comes closer again, his heavy boots slapping the floor. “I could make you do what I want.”

“But you wouldn’t do that.” It’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do yet, looking him in the eye when what I want is to run away. “You wouldn’t hurt me like that. You wouldn’t force me to do it if I don’t have it in me right now.”

I don’t know who I’m trying to convince. I’m not sure I believe what I’m saying anymore. Tonight, he’s shown me he’s capable of anything.

His eyes narrow into slits, and for one horrible moment, I know this is it. He’s going to force me, and he’s going to like it. My breath hitches, but I fight back the tears, silently daring him to make his move.

His shoulders lower, and he drops his hand from his bulge. “Fine. Go to bed, then,” he growls. “I have shit to do, anyway.”

I don’t wait around to see whether he means it. I slide along the wall and duck into the bedroom before closing the door. I actually close the door between us for the first time. I don’t want him in here while he’s in this mood.

Now the tears fall, hot and painful, while I fumble through getting into my nightgown and crawling into bed. My heart’s breaking by the time I curl up close to the wall, shuddering as I silence one sob after another with the pillow pressed to my face so he won’t hear.

To think, I once imagined Ren as my salvation.

As I surrender to the comfort of sleep, I have to wonder if he’ll end up being the death of me instead.

25

REN

The sound of my own gasp startles me awake.

I can’t hear much else other than my heart pounding in my ears. The dream was so vivid this time, but then they have been ever since that night.

The only reason I’m not filled with uncontrollable rage now is knowing Christian is dead. He learned you can’t outrun your sins, and it isn’t some invisible man in the sky who does the punishing.

He’s never going to hurt a kid again.

He’ll never starve them, torture them, or twist their minds until they don’t know fact from fantasy.

He learned what happens when somebody bigger and stronger than him decides to balance the scales.

My only regret after waking up is that we can’t kill him again. When the pain and humiliation is as fresh as it was back then when I was nothing but a kid who couldn’t defend himself. I didn’t do anything wrong, but the truth never mattered. Not when Joseph decided otherwise.

I can hardly contain the rage blazing in my gut at the memory of being ignored, called a liar, having my every move and even every bite of food watched over. The rage burns as hot and bright as ever whenever I’m thrust back into those strange, confusing days.