Page 16 of His Secret Santa

Of course, that would never happen. His sixteenth birthday came the closest to him living out such a fantasy. As earthshaking as it was, it still wasn’t with Lincoln.

And it never will be. Acting out his fantasies with the stripper was the next best thing. His eighteenth birthday was coming up, and the closer it got, the more he thought about his Secret Santa from the club… and his invitation for Holden to come back on his eighteenth birthday. Was he even still at the club? Would he remember Holden? Holden hadn’t seen his face, but the tattoo on his chest was imprinted on Holden’s brain. All he had to do was find the stripper with that tattoo.

You’re seriously thinking about going back? You know it’s a bad idea.

“Hey?” Jamie snapped his fingers. “Earth to Holden.”

Holden blinked and realized he was staring boldly at Lincoln. He jerked his eyes away. No one from that table seemed to have noticed and he was thankful. He had to be more careful. Everyone knew he was gay, but the more he stared at Lincoln, the more McKenna would make a public spectacle of it—possibly ‘causing Lincoln to turn openly mean toward him as well. As much as he wanted Lincoln to “see” him… he didn’t want negative attention. He didn’t want the quarterback to despise him for his crush.

Holden looked at Jamie and Abby. The girl smiled softly. “Is McKenna right about you crushing on Lincoln?”

His walls shot back up, strong as ever. “No. They were making noise, so I looked. I wasn’t looking at him.”

“Okay.” She didn’t believe him. Of course, she didn’t. He was a horrible liar and when he did look at Lincoln, all the incriminating evidence was right there in his eyes.

How could you fall for him? You’re such an idiot!

“I didn’t know,” she said. “McKenna lies about so many things, so…” She shrugged. “I mean, if you were crushing on him, I get it. He’s a good-looking guy. Not my type,” she added quickly, “but still good-looking.”

Holden shook his head. “I don’t even know him,” he mumbled and picked at his mostly untouched meal. “He doesn’t know I’m alive.” Was that true? If McKenna was telling the truth earlier in the hallway, then Lincoln did know he was alive and knew about the crush.

“How can he not know who you are?” Abby asked. “I mean, the way McKenna treats you guys, it’s kind of hard not to know you’re there.”

Holden didn’t find her words all that comforting. Maybe he was better off being invisible to the quarterback, than having him constantly overloaded with negative, false facts about Holden.

Why are you wasting your life worrying about this shit? In a few short months, he’ll be out of your life completely and you’ll probably never see him again.

Rationally, that fact should be a relief. But somehow… it wasn’t.

• • •

Lincoln dumped the remains of his lunch into the trash and tossed the tray onto the dirty stack. “I need to hit the head,” he told McKenna and the others. “I’ll catch up to you.”

He exited the cafeteria and took the stairs up to the second-floor hallway and the senior restroom. Lincoln glanced behind him to make sure no one was following him then tugged out his cell. He cut into the restroom alcove and started to make a call as he was about to enter the restroom and halted when he heard familiar voices inside. Tucking the phone away, he stood outside the door and eavesdropped on Jamie Dayton and Holden Dunkel’s conversation.

“You have to go back,” Jamie said. “Why would you even think of not going back?”

“I don’t know,” Holden murmured. “It’s… complicated.”

“How is it complicated? You’re just going there for a little birthday fun, like last time.”

“I…” Holden sighed. “I don’t know how to explain it. But I’m just not sure it’s a good idea.”

“That’s what you said last time and look how it turned out?”

Holden didn’t reply.

“After all this time,” Jamie said, “I still get the feeling you didn’t tell me everything that went on in that booth. What did happen in there?”

“Just what I told you,” Holden mumbled. “He did a strip tease and gave me a lap dance.”

“Nothing else?” Jamie asked with blatant doubt.

“What else is there?”

Jamie chuckled. “Plenty.”

“No,” Holden insisted, a telling catch in his voice. “Nothing else happened.”