Page 28 of His Secret Santa
“Well, there you go. Something to look forward to.”
“Yeah,” Holden mumbled.
“What? It isn’t something to look forward to?” Jamie laughed softly. “I find that hard to believe.”
Holden rested his head against the side window. “It is… it’s just…” He exhaled slowly.
“Just what?”
“For the last two years… I’ve been imagining Lincoln as the stripper. Every time I replay that night in my head… it’s Lincoln I’m with. Now, it’s like they’re fused in my mind and… and I’m not sure I can separate them. What if I go back and he’s there… and all I see is Lincoln when I look at him? What if I can’t help but fantasize about Lincoln while we’re… doing stuff?”
“When you’re actually there with him,” Jamie said. “I’m sure it won’t be like that. You’ll see him for who he is. Go, you deserve to have someone fall all over you and…” He smiled. “… crawl all over you. Trust me, it’ll do you a world of good.”
Holden nodded. “Maybe you’re right.”
“No maybe’s about it, baby.”
“Thanks,” Holden whispered.
“My pleasure.” Jamie made a fist and Holden bumped it.
“Is that new?” Holden indicated the braided leather bracelet on his wrist.
“Oh, yeah.” Jamie grinned and touched the bracelet. “I meant to show it to you earlier. My secret Santa gave it to me. He made it himself.”
“That’s so cool,” Holden murmured. “Who was it?”
“Uh, Cody, I think his name was. He’s in the AV club. Cool guy.”
“That’s cool that he made it for you.”
“I thought so.” Jamie sobered. “Nothing from your secret Santa?”
Holden shrugged. “No. But I didn’t expect anything.”
“Still, it’s pretty shitty of them not to give you something. It’s not like they even had to reveal who they were.”
“It’s fine, I don’t care.” And he didn’t. Right now, all that mattered was the hole in his heart that he feared even the stripper couldn’t fill.
• • •
“Holden.” Lena Dunkel stopped her son on his way past the kitchen.
Holden didn’t feel like talking to anyone—especially not his family. But it wasn’t in him to be rude to his parents. “Yeah.” He paused in the doorway.
“This came for you.” She walked over and handed him a card envelope with holiday decorations.
Holden frowned and took the mail. In the corner of the envelope were two words: Secret Santa. Nothing else. No return address. A strange sensation trickled through Holden.
“Who is Secret Santa?” his mom asked, her tone somewhat guarded. His parents literally lived in fear of the day he revealed a boyfriend.
“No one,” he mumbled. “Just something we’re doing at school.” He went upstairs to his room and closed the door, then sat on his bed and stared at the envelope.
Why would his secret Santa mail him a card? To avoid exposing their identity? Did they feel guilty for not giving him something, so they settled for a cheap Christmas card?
“Whatever.” Holden didn’t give a shit about the stupid Secret Santa assignment. He tossed the envelope on his nightstand and lay down. Jamie had invited him over to his house and now Holden wished he’d gone. Hiding out in his room, alone with his thoughts, wouldn’t make things better, only worse. He tried not to think about the scene in the parking lot, but it played on a loop in his head, growing more painful and humiliating each time around.
He closed his eyes when the tears returned, warm droplets rolling down his temples.