Page 55 of His Secret Santa
“You’ve been saying that since your birthday.” Jamie looked at him, sympathetic. “I know you don’t feel good. But lying here, thinking about him—it isn’t going to make you feel any better.”
“I’m not thinking about him,” Holden lied. “I don’t give a shit about him.”
“Hm.” Jamie nodded.
“What?” Holden shifted his eyes to his friend. “I don’t.”
“If you say so. It just seems to me if you really didn’t give two hoots about him, you’d be feeling fine and going on with your life.”
“I am. Why do I have to go out to prove it?”
Jamie stood and walked to the window and looked out into the night. “Stop trying to fool me, okay? You can’t just pretend you’re fine and expect me to buy it. I’ve known you too long. Besides…” He faced Holden. “… anyone could see you’re not fine. You look like someone stole your puppy.”
Holden smiled despite himself.
“You do.” Jamie laughed quietly. “And just so you know, no one stole your puppy—you left him.”
Deflating a bit, Holden murmured, “Lincoln is not a puppy. And what was I supposed to do? Just say it’s all cool and forget everything?”
Jamie shrugged and smiled. “That’s one option.”
Frowning, Holden sat forward. “What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you shredding Lincoln? Before I went into the room with him, you wanted to punch his lights out. Why’re you being so passive toward him now?”
“I’m not,” Jamie said. “But it’s true, isn’t it? You ran away from him. And now you’re miserable because you didn’t hear him out.”
“No, that’s not true,” Holden insisted. “I don’t care what he has to say.”
Jamie shook his head and smiled small. “Liar.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Before you try convincing me of that—try convincing yourself first. Because even you don’t buy it.”
The guy was insufferable. But right… right?
“You honestly think Lincoln would change—just like that?” Holden asked with heavy skepticism. “That he’d just stop giving a shit what everyone else thought and openly date me?”
“Maybe.”
Holden shook his head. “You’re nuts. He’s living the good life, he’s on top. No way in hell he’s going to give it all up and come down into the trenches with me. He’s too concerned about his reputation, about his hetero image. He won’t jeopardize that for me.”
Jamie sighed. “If you’re so convinced of that, then forget about him. Stop letting him keep you holed up in your room like a prisoner.”
“He isn’t.”
“Prove it.” Jamie smiled. “Come to the party with me and Abby.”
Holden scowled at his friend. “I hate you.”
“What was that?” Jamie cupped his ear. “You love me?” He nodded and grinned. “I know.”
Holden groaned as he swung his legs off the bed with an exaggerated eye roll. “Uh-huh.”
Jamie chuckled. “And look, we don’t have to go to the party right away. We can wait until around eleven or eleven-thirty. I just want to be there at midnight. That’s when the real party begins. Until then, we can just go hang out, drive around, whatever. I just want you out of this room and showing signs of life again.”
Signs of life. It would be tough showing signs of life… when he felt dead inside.
• • •