Page 94 of Rejected By a Wolf
He focused on Sophia, who rested on his chest, watching him intently, and a slow grin formed across his face. This fey, who had taught him so many lessons without having to say a word, fixed him.
After witnessing all she could accomplish despite everything, he knew he’d never again recede into the shadows of his room.
Somehow, knowing that made everything better. Somehow, he was fixed. All of him. Even the beast inside him, a part of him he had forgotten how to love for far too long, was fixed.
“Fixed? I’m not following.”
“Yes, fixed. You fixed me, Sophia.”
“Fixed me?” Her eyes widened, as if in disbelief. “I’m not sure how I could’ve done that. Honestly, the sex couldn’t have been that good. Itwasmy first time, remember?” He chuckled. How could he forget? She looked up, as if counting in her head. “Ah, my sixth time too, I suppose.” The grin that followed was wickedly devious.
“Oh itcouldbe that good, andit was.”Without question, fucking her all night had been a mind blowing experience that didn’t compare to anything he had experienced before. “But that has nothing to do with what I’m telling you. I was broken, and now I’m not. I have no one to thank for that but you.”
She frowned, giving him a disapproving look. “You weren’t broken.”
Hewasbroken, but how could he expect her to understand when she knew so little about him? He almost never spoke about himself, fearing she might run if she knew the truth. If she knew who he really was deep down and all the horrible things he had done.
But he didn’t fear it anymore. She wasn’t going to run. He knew that now. “I’ve done bad things.Horriblethings.” When she gave him a look that was both curious and encouraging, he wasn’t surprised. “I’ve slaughtered hundreds of immortals. Hell, I even slaughtered humans. Nearly all the lives I took were innocent ones.”
She brought a hand to his, giving it an encouraging squeeze, and that was enough.
Memories flooded his brain - the faces of those he murdered and those he let down while hiding, trapped by his own despair - and for the first time in centuries, he let those memories in. Those memories were a part of him. He needed to accept these bits of his past just as Sophia accepted him. Just as Lance accepted him. Hell, just as the entire fucking Payne clan accepted him.
Everyone accepted him, but he had been too blinded by the darkness that surrounded him - the darkness thathecreated- to see it.
Not anymore.
“Go on, I’m listening.” Sophia smiled softly.
And in that moment he knew, without a doubt, that he loved her.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Antonio Payne
Antonio didn’t feel an ounce of apprehension as he continued speaking, weaving the tales of his past demons to Sophia effortlessly. “Most of my life, I only killed to protect my clan. It wasn’t until I lost Giselle that my reasons for killing… my sense of morality… stopped mattering. Everything changed.” He lowered his eyes. “I shouldn’t have given up on myself the way I did, especially when my clan wanted nothing but goodness for me. For years, I treated them like shit. They didn’t deserve that.”
“You didn’t deserve that either.”
He managed a slight grin. Maybe he didn’t deserve it - to feel so little, to feel so unworthy, to hide from the world. But he did that to himself, no one did that to him. “After she died I succumbed to my beast. For over half a century I had no control over my actions. No matter how much I wanted to stop doing those terrible things, I couldn’t. I could do nothing but watch as I laid waste to entire villages. And, for decades, that’s exactly what I did - I watched.”
He clenched his fists as memories continued flashing across his mind. It wasn’t until he looked back up to Sophia and her caring eyes that he returned to the present, his rapid breathing slowing again.
“So how’d you learn to control your beast?”
“A few members of my clan, including Lance, hunted me down until they found me somewhere in the remote corners of Siberia. They locked me in some cabin in the middle of nowhere and chained me to a wall in it. For months I remained there. For months, so did they. They didn’t give up on me. Somehow, they knew I was still in there, somewhere.” He pointed to his head and gave it a tap. “They were right, because I eventually came back. But when I did, I knew the threat of my beast rising again still remained. So when I returned to live with the Payne clan, I isolated myself. I couldn’t risk too much social interaction. I had no idea what would happen. That and, well… I was grieving.” Shame swallowed him. How stupid he had been, to have grieved so much for someone who now meant so little.
As if sensing his shame, Sophia gave his hand another squeeze. “We all grieve. You’re not alone in that. Let’s face it, I’ve grieved most of my life.”
“Have you, though?” He arched a brow. “You’re still fighting to live.”
“I’m not fighting to live. I haveneverfought to live. I’m fighting to bring back what I lost.”
The truth to her words hit him with a force unlike any he had ever known, nearly knocking the wind out of him. Shewasn’tfighting to live, was she? She was fighting to save her parents and reunite with them.
Again, that creeping fear rose to the surface of his mind - what would happen if she learned her parents were already dead? Would she continue fighting, or would she give up just as he had?
She couldn’t give up. Not like he had. He couldn’t imagine Sophia living without her usual fire. But saving her parents was what sparked that fire of hers, wasn’t it?