Page 124 of Craving Paradise
My heart is racing in my chest.
“That will be my greatest regret, what could have been. I used Elle’s excuse and ran with her because I couldn’t face the fact that I made the wrong choice. And as time passed, and I saw you were fine without me, I didn’t want to say anything. I thought it was best that I let you hate me, so you could move on.”
We rehashed this last night. I don’t want her to keep punishing herself for the past. I hated that she didn’t love me enough to choose me, but I now realize that isn’t true.
“You’re embedded under my skin and in my heart, and I wanted to forget you. I tried to forget you, but you were always there. My heart would never let me forget its other half.”
“Jasper …” She wipes the tears from her cheeks. “How can you ever forgive me?”
“I have. I don’t want you to keep going back over what’s happened in the past. What’s done is done. We can’t change it. Not sure if I want to change it because if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have started going to therapy.”
“You went to therapy because of me?” She hiccups on her tears.
“Not because of you, but we did discuss you. It was time for me to put the demons from my past to bed. Stop thinking I have to be this strong man who suppresses his feelings because that’s what men do. I was sick of having an unhealthy attitude toward relationships.”
“I’m so proud of you, Jasper. That’s so brave.”
And the way she is looking at me as if I’m Superman has me feeling ten feet tall.
“Who knew childhood trauma messed you up as an adult,” I say, cracking a joke. “I know that as much as I thought I was ready for a relationship with you, I wasn’t. I needed to work on me for a bit.”
“That’s fantastic. Good on you. Shoot. I don’t want to go but that was work. I have to go as I’m helping host naked water polo this afternoon in the pool.”
Everything in me stills.
Then she waves her black STAFF bracelet across the screen, and my entire body releases the tension it was holding in.
“I told the office I would like to be staff until the end of my contract,” she explains to me as she begins packing up.
“Why?” I dare ask.
“Because it didn’t feel right to be with anyone else, male or female, now that you’re back in my life again. One more month, Jasper.”
“One more month,” I repeat.
“I promise you this is going to be one long-ass foreplay till I’m home again.”
“I remember what happened last time we were kept apart for a month.”
“Be warned, I’m going to jump you as soon as you open the door to your home. Hope that’s okay?”
“I’ll make sure I’m limbered up beforehand.”
“Okay, I’ll text you once my shift’s over, but you might be asleep by then.”
“Text me anyway. At least then I know you’re safe.”
“Will do. Talk soon, Jasper.”
And with that, she’s gone.
37
LAUREN
Jasper and I have been talking nonstop all week. I look forward to hearing from him in the morning and at night. We have been enjoying phone sex all week too. I never thought I would enjoy getting myself off to the sounds of Jasper groaning through a screen until now.
Things between Elle, me, and the bakery have been going full-steam ahead. When Alistair has had to work for an hour or two each day, she has come back to the villa to talk about the plans and pass on the business knowledge Alistair has given to her so we can keep planning.