Page 22 of You Saved Me

“I wouldn’t say we’re heroes,” I said tightly. “I was doing my job, and it took us too long to get to him. The firewalls he used bounced his signal every twenty seconds. Once we had him locked in one place, it would bounce to another country. We only caught him because he got sloppy. We’re not sure why, but one day, his firewalls were down. He didn’t notice, and we were able to lock on a ten-mile radius. It took a lot of work to draw him out without tipping our hand. What it came down to was us having an agent that fit the victim’s description go undercover. Agent Billings. One of the agents on my team. It was scary, and I hated seeing her put in that position. She played her part well, though. Instead of being scared of him, she got closer. He invited her back to his place and told her about being rejected and how he hated all women who looked like her, trying to scare her. He usually kidnapped the girls, but with Billings, he changed his M.O. Thankfully. Before he could hurt her, we kicked in the door and took him down.”

“Is she okay? Your team member? I know that had to be awful for her.” The concern in his voice warmed my heart. Of course, it was a standard question to ask, but he genuinely wanted to know if she was well.

“Honestly, none of us are okay. But I think she’s holding up a bit better because she was such a big reason he’s behind bars now. Her willingness to go undercover, knowing the danger, helped her in a way nothing else could. She’s the real hero. Not only did she have to watch what was happening to the girls like we all did, she knew that if anything went wrong, she would be the next victim.”

“Wait, watch what was happening to the girls?”

I put my head in my hands, catching a few tears that escaped. “Yeah, we had to watch the videos. Of the tortures. Of the murders. In case we found clues to help with identifying the suspect. Those are the nightmares I’m having. Of the women. And the look of contempt in their eyes is fucking with me. They’re mad at me. Because I took so long to find Bush. I should have done more to keep them safe.”

Tristan turned to me fully and folded his legs pretzel-style. “At the expense of sounding rude, you really think highly of yourself if you think you alone could have been those women’s protector.” I whipped my head up and looked at him, incredulous. “He was smart and cunning and did everything under the radar. It took three victims to find out he was a serial killer. I remember hearing that in the news after his conviction. How, Lucas? How could you have kept them safe? Can you be at more than one place at a time? You didn’t know these victims until it was too late. How could you have protected them?”

He made sense. So much sense that I wanted to digest it. I wanted to absorb it, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t see reason right now. “I should have done something! People count on me!” I yelled. “What kind of person, what kind ofagentam I to let them suffer like that? They didn’t deserve it! I should have been better at my job!” I yelled at him, venting my frustrations, and he didn’t flinch. He looked at me directly and let me get everything out.

I deflated under his gaze. “I can’t do it anymore, Tris. I can’t. I’m so fucking tired. I can’t sleep. I can’t get it out of my head. I can’t go through another case like that. But I know there are more. I’m done. I wanna be done.” I looked at him and pleaded with him like he could change the course of my life. But I had to say it. I had to get it out.

He grabbed my face and kissed my lips. No heat, just an action that was meant to ground me. And it did. “Then be done. No one would fault you for it. You caught the most sadistic serial killer of our age. You and your team are the reason he can’t hurt any more girls. I admire you, not just for that but for being strong enough to know when you can’t take any more. That takes courage. You are strong. You are courageous. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, you hear me?”

I finally absorbed what he was saying to me and felt some of the weight lift from my shoulders. The biggest reason was because I finally said what I was feeling. I didn’t want to do it anymore. I couldn’t. My mental health was important, and the FBI would have more cases, probably worse than that one. I didn’t want to be a part of that anymore. Icouldn’tbe a part of it and remain who I was.

“What will I do if I don’t have the Bureau, though?”

“I’m sure all the money you have will limit your options,” he deadpanned. Again, I laughed at him. He really had a way of making me laugh that I loved.

“It’s not my money. It’s my parents’ money. I have my own nest egg, but I’m not sure it will be enough to figure out a next step.”

“There’s no rush. You can figure it out on your own time. Hell, you can come back here and figure it out if you resign. You have options. But you don’t have to decide tonight. It’s enough that you know you don’t want to do it anymore.”

“You’re amazing,” I told him. He truly was. God, I didn’t know how I would have functioned had he not been here to talk me down. To listen to me vent. For me to yell in his face. Jesus, that was embarrassing.

I opened my mouth, and he said, “I can tell by the mopey look on your face that you’re about to apologize. Don’t. Don’t apologize for your rock bottom. You needed to get that out. If it takes you to scream and yell, by all means, do it. But don’t apologize for your feelings. They’re yours, and they’re valid.”

This was not the appropriate time or place for it, but I couldn’t help it. I lunged over, pulled him on top of me, and dragged his mouth to mine. I should have waited until I was less raw from the nightmare, crying, or even yelling that I was done with the Bureau. But I needed to feel him. I needed him close to me. I needed something tangible that I could hold onto, and he was warm, solid, and weighted. I knew he was real. Our kiss was frantic, with no coordination, but made better because of it. We were both out of control—hands roaming, teeth scraping, lips bruised. I broke the kiss, grabbed his throat, and pushed up slightly. Not enough to hurt him but enough to have him raising on his hands. I ran my tongue up the side of his neck, nipped at his chin, then placed hot, open-mouthed kisses along his jaw and up to his ear. The moans he let out had me gyrating my hips, trying to get close to his erection.

He moved my hand from his throat and bent down to kiss along my neck. He whipped my shirt over my head so he could get to my chest and abs. The scorching kisses he planted left lingering heat behind, cooled by the fan and the shivers that broke out over my body. He dipped his tongue into the hills and valleys of my abs, and licking the line of the V cut on my hips, he stroked me through my shorts. “Fuck, Tris. That feels so good,” I rasped out, hardly able to because I couldn’t breathe. His touch was consuming me. He shoved his hands into my shorts, grabbing my dick for the first time. He freed me from my shorts and dragged his hand up my length, rubbing his thumb through the precum leaking from my cockhead, giving me a bit of moisture.

“Oh shit, don’t stop.” I fucked into his hand, grabbing the sheet under me in my fists. He licked from my V cut to the base of my cock, and I took a deep breath, anticipating what his mouth would feel like. I wanted to be in his mouth, my hand on the back of his head, fucking his throat. Instead of teasing me like I thought he would, Tristan swallowed the head of my dick and lowered his mouth on me until he gagged. I barked out a curse, and my hand shot to the back of his head. I gently rolled my hips, short strokes that didn’t hit the back of his throat as I wanted, but he’d already gagged, and I didn’t want to hurt him. He bobbed his head faster, causing me to lose control, and I started to fuck his mouth. With one hand on the back of his head, the other under his chin, I pumped into his mouth. He hollowed his cheeks, sucking on me while I used him to stroke myself. I knew he was turned on because he shoved his hand into his shorts, grasping himself into his fist and moving his hand frantically.

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck, baby. I’m gonna come. Oh fuck…” He sucked harder, trying to get my load down his throat. With one more guttural moan, my release barreled down my body, shooting hot jets into his waiting mouth. He swallowed every drop, sucking on me until I became too sensitive and pulled away from him. He scooted closer to me, still stroking his dick. I thought he was going to climb over me to put his dick in my mouth, but he didn’t. His hand moved in an uncoordinated blur, and it didn’t take long for him to release, shooting his load onto my stomach. He sat back on his heels, breathing heavily, coming down from the orgasm high.

I lazily rubbed my fingers in his release, then brought them to my mouth. I sucked my fingers, maintaining eye contact with him the entire time. “Jesus Christ,” he whispered, his gaze darkening.

“You taste as good as I thought you would,” I said, my voice raw and throaty. He blanketed me with his body and brought our lips together. He felt so good lying on top of me like this. This man was going to be the death of me.

When I broke our kiss, he murmured against my lips, “I’m sorry I made a mess out of you.”

“Don’t be. I love watching you cum, and your cum on me feels good too. I want to return the favor,” I said against his lips, dying to feel his cock on my tongue.

He laughed in a short burst and rolled off me. “Soon, baby. I promise.”

“I told you what calling me baby does to me.”

He bent down, bringing his lips close to mine. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I know. That’s why I keep doing it.” The dirty kiss he gave me had me wanting to start round two.

He got out of bed to get a cloth to clean us up. Again, this was an encounter with him that was unplanned. So maybe I would go with the flow. I would stop counting the number of days I had left and enjoy what was happening as it happened because that felt good. I hadn’t needed to ask to do anything. Tonight showed me that Tristan was following my lead when it came to initiating sex, not the other way around.

After he cleaned us up, he tossed the cloth in my hamper, sat on the edge of the bed, and kissed my forehead gently. “You gonna be all right?”

“Can you stay?” I asked him, trying not to sound desperate and failing. “The nightmares stop as soon as you touch me. Maybe they won’t come at all if you’re with me.”