Page 54 of Made For You
She stands by my side all night until Franny comes to see her and needs help in the bathroom.
She kisses me on my lips, telling me she is going to be right back. I stand here with my hands in my pockets, looking around, when I hear someone say my name. “Xavier.” I look over to my left and see Nico, the owner of the Dallas Oilers. “I thought it was you,” he greets, extending his hand for me to shake. My hand comes out to shake his. “How have you been?”
“Good,” I lie to him. “Better now.”
“I have to say”—he looks around for a second, making sure there isn’t anyone close by—“I think you got the short end of the stick when it came to Long Island.” I swallow down the lump that has now moved from the pit of my stomach to the top of my throat. “Word on the street is that you are meeting with a couple of teams.”
“I did,” I say the two words, nodding. “It’s been two years, so I’m weighing my options. Plus, my agent thought it would be a good idea.”
“Well, if you are throwing your hat in the ring again,” he offers while he looks at me, “I would love to sit down with you.”
The hands in my pockets get super clammy. “Are you kidding?” I ask him, shocked.
“There are two things I don’t kid about. One is my wife and kids,” he says with a smile, “the other is my hockey team.” He smirks now. “Plus, it’ll piss Matthew off a bit.” I can’t help but laugh at that.
I don’t know why I thought the past was behind me at that moment. I don’t know why I let my guard down. I don’t know why I thought I deserved the good I was getting, but the next morning when I wake up, I see that I can run from my past, but eventually, it catches up to me.
Miles:
Thought you would want to see this.
I click the link and see a picture of Vivienne and me from last night walking down the red carpet. It’s on page six of the New York paper, but it’s the headline that says it all.
Hockey Princess with Hockey Washed-up Has-been.
CHAPTER31
VIVIENNE
I openmy eyes and look over, smiling at Xavier but find the bed empty. I sit up in bed, listening for the water from the bathroom, only to hear nothing. I slip out of bed, picking up one shoe that he threw over his shoulder. “Xavier,” I call his name, expecting him to answer me right away. But all I get is radio silence. “Xavier,” I call him again. This time, I pick up his dress shirt from last night, slipping it on. I button down the front as I walk out of the bedroom, seeing the kitchen empty. “Xavier?” I look around, trying not to panic, when I see him sitting outside on the patio.
I walk over and slide open the door. “Hey.” I smile at him, and he looks up at me. I can tell right away something is wrong. His eyes are darker than they have ever been, and his face doesn’t go into a smile. “I was looking for you.” Usually, he would open his arms for me to sit on his lap, but this time he just looks ahead.
“I was just sitting here thinking,” he replies. His voice is very monotone.
“I’m going to go make myself a coffee.” I try not to panic. “Do you want one?” He shakes his head, his eyes never leaving the horizon. I walk back into the house and shake out the jitters that are in my hands now. My heart, which was so full all last night, is now feeling like it’s being crushed. “It’s all in your head,” I tell myself as my hands shake, putting the pod in the coffee machine. “It was just a busy day yesterday.” I look over to the window, seeing him sitting there in the same position he was before. “Maybe it was too much for him.” I walk over to the fridge, taking the milk out. I grab my cup of coffee, trying not to let the stinging of tears win out. “Maybe this is the beginning of the end.” I close my eyes and take a deep inhale before exhaling. A single tear escapes and I brush it away as fast as it came.
I walk out into the warm air and sit in the chair beside him. “I think it’s going to be a nice day,” I say, trying to get him to talk to me, but all I can feel is he’s not even here. “How long have you been up?”
“Maybe a couple of hours,” he answers, not once looking at me, and my leg starts to move up and down. I don’t say anything, waiting for him to talk to me, but he says nothing. The two of us sit side by side as he looks out into the distance. Every single minute that goes by makes my chest get tighter and tighter. Every single minute that goes by makes me feel more and more like I’m losing him.
“It’s going to be a nice day,” I repeat, trying to get him to say something, but instead, he just nods. It takes me back to the beginning when we met. “What’s going on?” I can’t not ask him, and he looks at me. I can see the turmoil that he’s going through. I have no idea if this is going to be the last day we wake up together. I have no idea if this is going to be the last time I get to sit with him and share this. I have no idea what the fuck is going on. However, I know the only man I have ever wanted in my life might walk away from me without knowing how I feel about him. “I have no idea what is wrong with you.” I try not to let my voice quiver, and I have this feeling I’m going to be sick all over the patio. “But I thought you should know.” I swallow down the big lump in my throat. “I’m in love with you.” His head whips to look at me. I can’t help the tears now. “I’m so in love with you, and I’m here for you.” I wipe the tears off my face with the back of my hand. “But I don’t know how to be all up in your business. But if you give me a chance, I can try to learn. So I’m going to need you to meet me halfway.” I can’t believe I just laid it all out for him like this. In my head, it was going to be romantic with us on the boat watching the sunset. Or when we were in bed with each other. What I didn’t think would happen would be us sitting on a patio, with me wearing his shirt from last night and my face probably with makeup still lingering under my eyes.
He looks down at his hands, shaking his head before reaching over and pulling my chair closer to his. “The only woman in the world who wants to try to be in my business.” He looks down at the floor. “This morning, I got a link from my agent,” he finally says, his voice cracking a bit as he tries to clear his throat. “It pretty much sums us up.” I look at him confused, as he hands me his phone.
I open the phone and see the article on page six, my eyes going to the headline. I can’t help but roll my eyes. “Please.” I don’t even bother reading the article. Instead, I just turn it off and hand him back his phone.
His face is filled with shock when his hand comes out to grab his phone. “It doesn’t bother you that you are with someone who is washed up?” he asks me, and I lean over, putting my cup of coffee on the floor beside my chair.
“No,” I say right away. “There is nothing in that article that bothers me because it’s full of shit.” I couldn’t be angrier than I am right now. I also know I can’t show him how angry I am because he’ll think it’s for a whole different reason. “Actually, I’m angry because it’s bullshit. Just the headline is pure fiction, to say the very least.” I look over at him, hoping that he sees me. “I’m not angry because of the words on the page. I’m angry that they took up space in your head. I’m angry that you sat out here thinking about it. I’m angry more so that I put you in this situation.”
He just stares at me, and I’m pretty sure he has no idea what to think right now. “But they—” He starts to talk, and I hold up my hand.
“There is so much wrong with just the title that I’m pissed we even have to address it.”
“How so?” His tone is low, and I wonder if he regrets coming with me. I wonder if he regrets it all.
“Well, there were a couple things wrong with that title.” I turn to look at him. “For one, since when am I a hockey princess?” I shake my head. “And two, you walked away from the game when you could still play. That’s not washed up. Washed up is someone who can’t even get on a team, not someone who has GMs vying for them.” I get up from my chair and go in front of him, getting on my knees and holding my hand up to grab his face. “No one, and I mean no one, especially me, cares what people write in the newspaper.” I try to be strong, but knowing that in the blink of an eye, I can lose him is just too much for me. The tears run down my face. “What do you want?” I ask him, holding my breath, waiting for him to answer. “Deep down inside of your heart.” I search his eyes with mine, seeing the light is slowly coming back to them. “What do you want?”