Page 75 of Was I Ever Real
I look down at my hand and realize they’ve taken my wedding ring. My heart plummets, and I swallow hard, fighting the wave of emotion threatening to take me under.
It shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.
It wasn’t real. It was never real.
But the tears fall nonetheless.
Laying on my side, I face the wall and curl my knees up to my chest, doing my best to control the shake overtaking my body. The room has no windows, it could be any time of the day, and I wouldn’t know. So I close my eyes hoping to just fall asleep and pretend I’m not here, thatthisisn’t real.
My thoughts drift, and slowly they find Connor in a safe corner of my mind.
I shouldn’t be surprised he’s the one I reach for while stuck in this desolate place.
I need to believe he’s coming for me.
No. For Lenix.
Time passes, but I can’t tell how much.
The only thing keeping it from morphing into something non-linear, a black void I’m falling mercy to, is my gnawing hunger between the sporadic meals brought to me. At the very least, the room has a small bathroom with a shower. The smallest of mercies. As much as I would rather set the dress on fire, I finally relent after what feels like days, not wanting to wear my now soiled clothes over and over.
How long has it been? Hours? Days?
Nothing feels real anymore.
Warm tears flow down my cheeks as I gingerly slide on the thin white cotton slip first and then pull the light blue dress over my head, the very act feeling like a betrayal of the person I’ve fought so hard to become. The cotton fabric falls all the way down to the floor, and I choke back a sob while my arms slip into the long sleeves, teeth clenched but my jaw still wobbles while I clasp button after button up my chest and neck—like a noose around my throat.
I fall on the bed and cry, my shoulders shaking with every sobbing inhale.
Deep down, I always believed I didn’t deserve the life I managed to build for myself in Noxport. And this is just proof that I was never destined to escape my sins. My eyes feel swollen but I can’t stop crying. Eventually, I fall asleep, clutching my old clothes to my chest as if it could somehow bring Lenix back from the darkness she is disappearing into.
Hours later, or maybe only minutes, I still can’t tell, I hear the door open behind me. I keep my back turned assuming it’s just another meal, proof that time is in fact moving forward.
“Penelope.”
His voice chills my spine and I freeze, my eyes snapping open.
I can’t remember a time when I’ve ever feared Frederick’s voice like this. Not until I heard his voice through the phone over a month ago. It’s a bizarre kind of dissonance to navigate. When I can still remember the person he was before he became…this.
I turn around slowly, the springs of the mattress digging into my hips but I keep my face blank. I find him leaning against the wall. I force down the rage building inside from seeing him like this, so arrogant in his virtuousness. It makes me want to hurl whatever I can find at his face. Instead, I sit up, my feet firmly planted on the dusty carpeted floor and glare at him.
We never looked alike, having different mothers. His features sharp, his skin so pale, you’d think he’s never seen the sun. His thinning brown hair is long, fastened at the nape as if he just stepped out of a period piece. The hate I feel for him is instantaneous and I lean into it with abandon.
“Back in your place, sister.”
“Don’t call me that,” I snarl.
He lets out a small huff through his nose, pushing off the wall and walking towards me. My back straightens, trying my hardest not to move an inch, unwilling to show the abrasive effect he has on me.
His hand strikes my cheek. My head whips to the side, shocking me before it even begins to sting. I can taste the subtle tang of blood in my mouth before turning my face back to him.
“Remember who you are speaking to,” he grinds out.
I give him a sinister grin, my hand finding my burning cheek, before spitting blood at his feet.
“How holy of you.”
Outrage flashes in his glare, but he blinks it away quickly, settling back into his messianic persona, and smiles.