Page 75 of And Then There's You
“Hey now!” He leans back on his board, resting on his hands. “So, do I know this guy? It isn’t Troy, is it?” This time his intention seems to cross over the line of simple curiosity.
“No.” I chuckle. “I have no desire to date Troy. It was Avery’s brother. I’m not sure if you remember her.”
“Of course I do.” He acts now as if everything we ever did together was important to him, even though it contradicts the impression I got at the time. “Are you still seeing him?”
“Umm, it’s complicated. That sounds cliché. We were together for a while. I moved to California to be with him, but we aren’t together right now.”
“Wow, that’s pretty serious. Sounds like it could have been a dream come true, marrying your best friend’s brother.”
“Yeah, it was great.” The entire situation was one I didn’t know would bring me so much happiness until I was in it. It was easy to fall into our relationship when it already felt like family. Then sharing Lexy with Mack as our best friend created the perfect little circle.
“What about you though? You’ve been here a year. Have you met anyone?” I don’t want to hear about his sexcapades, but a desperate urge to stay in Mack’s lane without even considering crossing into Dean’s washes over me.
“Sometimes I hang out with the tourists who come through town, and I’ve made friends with a few of the locals. But no one else has occupied my thoughts. It’s not what I came here for, ya know?”
“Yeah, how is that going? Finding yourself?”
“It’s going well, I think. I mean, I’m not sure what exactly I expected. I feel like I was overthinking my game plan for my life because I spent too much time comparing what I was doing or should be doing to what everyone else was doing. I have a clearer vision of what I want my life to look like now. I’m more connected to myself, like I can see my path as its own and believe what I’m doing in my life doesn’t have to parallel anyone else's.”
“What do you want that path to look like?”
“I definitely still want to travel. I’ve noticed being out of routine and away from home can be unsettling for a lot of people. It’s not like that for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved the routine I have here, but it’s not like when I’m at home. I’m more in control of my ability to seek out freedom and spontaneity, if I want.”
“I get that. Do you think you’ll ever go back to Oregon?”
“I do. It feels right being here, especially lately. But Oregon will always be my home, and I do want to put down roots somewhere, so I have a place to go home.”
“I think I’ve learned more about you in the past 24 hours than in the entire rest of the time I knew you,” I joke. I hope that statement doesn’t make him uncomfortable or stop opening up because as different as it is, it’s what I’ve always craved from him, and I’m not ready for it to end.
“This place kind of does that to you. Or maybe it’s just you, Maci.” Vulnerability fills his eyes as they lock onto mine with his statement.
“You could have told me this before, you know. I would have understood.”
“Would you have?” He’s not judging me, just asking. It’s a fair question.
He doesn’t push me to answer, nor does he change the subject as I sit there contemplating. Would I have understood? Suddenly, I’ve unlocked a new level of appreciation for Dean, but also for Mack. He let me go when I asked. Despite his feelings, he didn’t try to hold me back from what I wanted to do. It wasn’t because he didn’t care enough to fight for me. It was because he loves me enough to prioritize what I needed over what he wanted. God, I love him. I also realize that as much as I loved Dean when he left me the way I left Mack, I was nowhere near as mature. If I had known the whole truth then, I would have felt just as hurt and wouldn’t have been any more understanding than I was.
“I don’t think I would have, at least not like I do now.” His eyes stay with mine as an orange and pink glow of the sun invades my periphery. “I heard this quote once about having multiple soulmates. It was something like ‘the one you end up with depends on the work you’ve done to evolve your own soul. Maybe there’s a soulmate for every level of your journey.’ Not that I believe in soulmates or anything.” Maybe you should stop rambling, Maci. But he hasn't shied away from any conversation or confession since I’ve been here. At least not like he once did. “But in general I think the concept could be applied to a lot. Like sometimes you can’t possibly understand something until you’re ready to hear it or until you’ve experienced something yourself that allows you to comprehend it in the way you should. Like maybe we can’t be ready for some things until we are ready for it. I’m not sure if that makes sense.”
“It makes a lot of sense, Maci.” We stare at each other in silence for a moment before he asks, “You ready to head in before it gets dark out here?”
“YES! And I was hoping we could get more tacos, but I’m also exhausted. Any chance we could just eat at your place?” Thank goodness this conversation is over. The deeper we connect the more part of me leans into something I wanted for so long, and the louder a voice screams at me to knock it off before I never want to leave.
CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
Imakemywayto the sink to wash the dishes, my stomach full of the most delicious steak I’ve ever eaten. Apparently in Costa Rica beef is one of the more affordable proteins, and I’m not complaining, especially since Dean knows how to cook them a perfect medium, smothered in garlic, onions and butter.
“What’s your middle name?” I ask as if not knowing hasn’t bothered me for a year.
Dean chuckles. “Lucas. Why?” He grabs a dish towel, taking a clean plate from me.
“Just wondering.”
“Okay, Maci Rae.”
I pause mid scrub of the pan and turn to see his smirk. I had no idea he knew my middle name. I shake my head softly, turning back to the pan.
“So, how is Avery?”