Page 89 of And Then There's You

Maci:What has he told you?

Avery:I feel like…everything. About the drugs–which I swear I never knew about, I would have made him tell you or told you myself if he hadn’t–that he messed up, that he wasn’t supporting your need to grow, and how much he regrets not trusting you to work things out together. I’m not trying to make excuses for him, and he’s never used it as one, but working it out and sticking around was never something our parents modeled.

Maci:It can’t be a factor though. I mean look at your relationship with Miller. It’s great. I know it was a mistake. I’ve forgiven him for it. I really do love him, Avery.

Avery:Then what’s the problem? What’s holding you back? Dean?

Maci:I mean, I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t a factor. I love them both so much in their own way. I had this shift in Paris where I realized that love should be more about finding things and people who help make you better, rather than someone who “completes” you. I think that’s an important factor in deciding who is right for me.

Avery:I’ve seen you around Dean in the past. I mean this in the nicest way, but you were unsure of yourself the entire first half of your relationship and for months after. That’s kind of the opposite of better, Mace. Do you think it’s still like that?

Maci:I don’t. Dean has shown me he’s willing to grow and work on things. He already has. I also have more confidence in myself now. I’m not willing to settle for less than I know I deserve, and I wouldn’t have stayed in Costa Rica with him if I wasn’t sure.

Avery:I’m happy he’s made some changes. Do you feel like Mack has grown too?

Maci:I’m starting to see he has. I noticed our fight and what followed was out of character for him. He also told me he is quitting his band to work toward new goals. I know that’s a big deal for him.

Avery:Yeah, and moving home and getting that new job. It’s perfect for him, I think.

Maci:He’s back in Oregon? What new job?

Avery:He didn’t tell you?

Maci:I didn’t talk to either of them while I was in Paris.

Avery:Oh wow, okay. I feel like he should be the one to tell you this, but…yeah. He moved back a couple weeks ago…He’s living with us until he starts his new job in the fall. His middle school music teacher offered him a job teaching music at the after-school program. He thought it would be perfect for him to work with kids who could use a good role model and maybe don’t have support at home. It’s funny you both ended up falling into the same type of thing, helping kids who need it more than most.

Maci:Wow, that’s amazing. This seems like a direction that would really make him happy. I wish I was there to see it.

Avery:The question is if you want thatenough.You could be the right person for both of them. I don’t think Mack would have started making these changes if it wasn’t for you. As his sister, I’m beyond grateful for that, but it also sounds like Dean is better off for knowing you as well. I guess the main factor then is which one is capable of making your life better in the way that would be most fulfilling to you?

Maci:That’s my dilemma. I truly believe both of them are good to me and could be great for me.

Avery:Let’s try something. Tell me what you think your life could look like with both of them and what your favorite parts of it would be. Start with Mack.

Maci:Okay. Hmm. I guess it changes things if he’s already back in Oregon. I loved California because I got to be with him, but I’d rather call Oregon my home. He once told me he thought it would be fun to find a house in your neighborhood and start our families together. I think about that a lot, how great it would be to raise our kids and continue to help each other through life the way we always have. Mack would be such a good dad. I’ve noticed people tend to end up exactly like their parents, or completely opposite, based on their perspective of how they were raised. I know Mack would give our kids everything you two never had. Just thinking about that makes me want to be there and be a part of it.

I send the text before continuing. While I’m typing, Avery sends back an entire page of crying emojis.

Maci:And imagine if I could convince Lexy to move to Oregon too! Sharing a best friend with Mack is fun, when we are together anyway. Almost all my favorite people would be in this perfect little circle. It almost seems too good to be true. I love the idea of his new job. You were right to say we both are drawn to helping people in the same way. I’ve been researching the non profit that helps rescue women who have been trafficked in Portland. I could easily work there and still live in Eugene. Thinking about the life I could have with him, with you, it overwhelms me in a good way. I can’t imagine there not being anything I wouldn’t love about it.

Avery:Mack said he invited Lexy to come visit for his final show. I can’t wait to meet her! That entire vision sounds ideal, of course because it overlaps with a dream I would love to be reality. BUT as great as it sounds, it would mean nothing if you could be happier in a different life. Tell me about your future with Dean. What would that look like?

Maci:Nearly the complete opposite.I send the text, followed by another with just laughing emojis.

Avery:How so?

Maci:With Dean, Oregon would be a lot less of a home and a lot more of a home base. He came up with an amazing idea for a job he could work wherever we wanted to go. We talked about going to Spain because Maria is opening another sanctuary there where I could work as a paid volunteer. Once we were ready for another adventure, I think it would be easy to find remote work wherever we go. I’d miss everyone I love, like I do now, but I would convince you to come visit us wherever in the world we were. We’d also come back to see our families and friends on holidays or between adventures. As much as the consistency and comfort of what I imagine my life with Mack to be sounds amazing, I’ve also been enjoying the freedom and chaos of my life the past couple months traveling. We are young and have plenty of time to settle down. It could be amazing to focus on making an impact on the world and spending time just on us first.

Avery:Can’t say that doesn’t sound like a good life too. As long as you ask me to come visit when you end up in Australia. Sounds like you’ve really thought out both of your options.

Maci:You’d be invited to every place we go. You have to start crossing countries off our list for yourself! You know, Mack also said something about making travel a priority once a year, but that’s more like vacationing.

Avery:He mentioned that to me too. Mace, I don’t think there is a right choice or a wrong choice here. There’s justa choice. Unfortunately, it’s one only you can make, but know you will always be a huge part of my life no matter what. If you want to be with Mack, I’ll love every second of and everything about that. If you want to be with Dean, I’ll be supportive and happy for you, and I’ll love Dean because I’ll know he’s what makes you happiest.

Maci:I’m just nervous reality won’t live up to whichever vision I choose, but there’s no way to control 100% of the situation or know how else life could have been. I just have to think about all this and confidently decide by the time I come home. I can’t wait to see you.

Avery:Exactly. And nothing is ever