Page 27 of Traces of Her

Seventeen

GRIFFIN

I ONLY MET THIS GIRL a few short hours ago and she’s already drawing things I’ve kept locked away for so long out of me. She has no right to any of this information, yet I feel like I owe it to her, some kind of an explanation for why we’re all in this fucked up situation at the hands of my brother. Trust is vital for her survival and that’s exactly what I need from her right now. Staring at me with those big captivating blue eyes, the truth slowly starts to flow from my mouth, threatening to drown me if I stop.

“Jared’s a few years older than me, so he had gone through a lot more shit than I had and saw a lot of things I didn’t see or understand. Our mom fell in love with the wrong kind of man, the married kind. She got pregnant and thought he would leave his wife after all of the promises he made, but he didn’t, and their affair still continued. A few years later they had me, and my mom kept hanging onto the lies he spewed. He came and went but he never stayed. One night he showed up, his wife was pregnant, and he chose her over us. Our mom was completely destroyed.”

I pause watching a flash of sympathy passing through her eyes as she takes in everything I’m saying. I let out a deep sigh before sucking in a deep breath and continuing.

“There was something always off about Jared, even from when we were kids. Blood and death fascinated him. He was violent, aggressive and full of hatred. He was fucking terrible to everyone around him, constantly tormenting and torturing them always with a smile on his face. When we were kids, he fucked with me like no other. Slowly I learned how to stick up for myself against him. “And then Ralph came into the picture.

“Ralph came in after our dad, Robert, never returned. At first, he was nice, he treated her well and brought back the mom we once knew. And then he took off his mask. He was an alcoholic. He treated her like utter shit and she put up with it, yearning for any kind of love that she could get. He hated us with a passion and he made sure that we knew it. Every chance he could get, for whatever reason, he’d beat us both senseless but Jared would always try to take the fall for everything so he would get it worse rather than me.”

Stopping for a moment to breathe, she grabs hold of my hand and squeezes. Looking back up at her, she watches me with a knowing look, an empathetic expression.

She can empathize because she’s been there too, maybe in a different situation, but she’s spent many nights alone in the dark.

Tonight’s my walk down memory lane and she knows hers will be soon enough.

“Ralph came for me one night when Jared was out and my mom had already fallen asleep. He was wasted but he knew exactly what he was doing. I was young, I couldn’t fight him off of me, but he liked it when I tried to.”

She squeezes my hand even harder, gaining my attention.

“You don’t have to tell me any more.” She pauses, giving me a small smile. “I get it.”

Shaking my head, instinctively I go to pull my hand from hers, but she doesn’t let go.

“Jared caught him one time and that was the last time he ever touched me. Jared saved me, he protected me. He took that all away and took it himself. He became Ralph’s new little toy and he willingly did it to keep Ralph away from me. Jared was already fucked up but after all of that, he completely lost his mind. He got his revenge when he killed Ralph after watching him strangle our mom to death.” I shrug indifferently.

“He protected me, and I owe him for that. Or at least he thinks so. Jared makes a lot of messes and I do a lot of cleaning up after him. I’m not proud of the things I’ve done to protect him, but he’s my brother and after a while cleaning up another dead body is just something you grow accustomed to.”

I shouldn’t have left the last bit about dead bodies slip, but she isn’t stupid enough to think that the messes I’m cleaning up are spilled milk. Death is no stranger to her, more like a long lost friend and you can see it in her if you look carefully enough and read between the lines. It’s all right there in the way she carries herself, in her standoffish behaviors.

She slowly nods, silently mulling over my words.

“I know what Jared did,” I half lie, not letting her know that I know next to nothing. “You were the mess that he needed me to clean up this time. Most of the time he leaves me a bloodbath and not a warm body with a pulse. For the first time ever he panicked, he fucked up and I’ve never been more grateful for that. He should have killed you on the spot, like he usually would, but for some reason he didn’t.”

Her eyes are narrowed as she watches me talk, taking in every word I say. She’s reluctant to believe me, but she knows it’s the truth. She’s been exposed to too much to know that these type of fuckups don’t happen often. Catching me off guard, she opens her mouth to say something, but I silence her, pressing my forefinger against her lips. She swallows hard as I gently cup her cheek, slowly tracing her full lips with the pad of my thumb.

“I know this isn’t ideal and neither of us chose this, but I promise you that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. You don’t have to worry about Jared anymore. He can’t touch you as long as you’re with me.”

Dipping my face down, I gently press my lips against hers, sealing our fate with the web of lies I’ve spun for her.