Page 52 of Dove

Maddox had been gone, no doubt called to one of the clubs or some other unsavory business I was better not knowing about. Henry had come to check on me twenty minutes ago when the repeated sounds of vomiting and the toilet alerted him to the fact I was awake, but I sent him back in the hall when it became clear he was going to sympathy vomit all over me.

“Fuck.” I mumbled as I dry-heaved into the toilet. There had to be nothing left in there, but I was afraid to go back to bed. The sound of the door opening reached my ears, but I kept my eyes closed. I couldn’t argue with Henry again. If he wanted to risk being in here, that was his problem.

“Oh my little dove.” I didn’t have the energy to lift my head and look at Maddox. “Let’s get you to bed.”

I didn’t protest as he lifted me from the hard tiled floor. I burrowed further into his warmth as my body shivered. The movement made my head spin as he carried me through the room and placed me back on the mattress.

“You’re soaked in sweat.” Maddox said as he forced me to stay seated. All I wanted to do was put my head back on the pillows. “I’m going to change you.”

“No. Lay.” I groaned even as he stripped my shirt off. Chills broke out along my body as he cupped my cheeks and pressed his lips into my forehead.

“How long have you been like this?” He asked as he pushed a strand of damp hair from my face. I didn’t have the strength to wiggle from his touch or care if I smelled like vomit.

“Hours.” I inhaled deeply, taking his smoky scent into my lungs, letting it soothe something inside me.

“Cazzo.”He grunted as he pulled a new shirt over my head and let me lie down again. He tucked the covers around me before gently pulling me back against his chest. The steady rise and fall of his breathing and the soft way his fingers brushed up and down my arms lulled me back to sleep.

I didn’t rest comfortably. My stomach constantly cramping, and my mind spinning. Even lying down, it felt like the room was moving around me like I was in constant motion. Only Maddox’s quiet voice murmuring in my ear kept me from feeling lost at sea.

He forced water down my throat with medicine to reduce my fever. He tested my capacity to hold down food by giving me small sips of fruit juice and bites of crackers. He held my hair back when I got sick again and carried me to bed when I was done.

I didn’t know what to do with this version of him. With the softness of a killer. No one had taken care of me. Even before my mother had gotten sick and I became her caregiver, she still had to work multiple jobs to keep food on the table and the lights on in our shitty apartment.

I often found myself alone as a child, doing my best to need as little as possible. I knew how to cook long before I knew how to drive. I would come home from school and make us both dinner. We’d eat together before she put me to bed and went to her next job.

If I was sick, I learned to fight through it. We couldn’t afford for her to miss work to take care of me. It didn’t change when I became an adult. If anything, it got worse. There was no one else to help. I only had myself to rely on. If I didn’t go to work, there wouldn’t be money to pay the bills.

And now I found myself in the arms of the last man anyone should rely on. Arguably the least capable person to take care of someone. But he was. He was caring for me. Gently. Lovingly. As if it was his purpose in life.

Is this what it was to be his? Was this what my life would be like with him? Never having to worry about money again. Receiving expensive gifts like clothes and libraries. Being cherished even when I was sick. Why had I fought this for so long?

Maddox might be a criminal, but he was everything I didn’t know I needed.

I felt the mattress lift as his weight left. With a strength I didn’t know I had, I reached for him, gripping his wrist. I spoke into the pillow without opening my eyes. “Stay.”

It felt crucial for him to stay with me. I’ve lived my life mostly alone, but I didn’t want to be alone right now. I wanted to know he cared about me outside of sex. That he wanted to be here for me if I was sick. It shouldn’t matter. I’d already decided I wouldn’t leave him. But it did matter.

“I’m not going anywhere,mia amata.”Maddox’s had brushed down my spine. “I called the doctor. He’s here to check on you.”

“Just the flu.” I mumbled.

His lips pressed into my forehead. “It won’t hurt for him to check on you.”

I rolled to my back and kept my eyes close as I heard Maddox talking softly to the doctor. I barely registered him taking my temperature and pressing on my stomach. I was too weak and tired to protest or even help.

“Is it possible she’s pregnant?” Maddox asked from beside me.

My eyes flew open as I stared at him. His face was surprisingly neutral. No expression. He didn’t meet my gaze as he stared at where the doctor pressed into my stomach. I wondered what he was thinking. How he would react if I were pregnant.

I shut my eyes again and threw my arm over them as I spoke before the doctor could. “Pregnant people don’t get fevers and chills.”

“Exactly.” Dr. Mechan said. “I think she has a nasty case of food poisoning. It’ll pass on its own. Try to stay hydrated as best you can.”

He patted my hand softly like a father would with a sick child before I heard him speak to Maddox in a muffled voice and then finally the snick of the door telling me he’d left. I didn’t bother rolling back to my stomach as I was already starting to drift off to sleep again. I sighed as Maddox came back to the bed and gathered me in his arms, resting my head on his chest as he rubbed up and down my spine.

“Do you want kids someday?” He asked.

My body tensed beneath him, my sore muscles protesting. It was exhausting mentally and physically to be sick like this. It wasn’t the time for this conversation, but it was probably better for him to know the truth now. Before we got to the point where we couldn’t turn back.